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1 - I can't be alone

I struggle to be by myself because my dark thoughts come
But when I'm with people my heart is numb
On top of a lot of pain is what I built my wall on
I don't trust many, but have a few booty calls from females I can call on 
Grew up without my family, so was passed around the foster system
I soon realized you don't get what you want from wishing
I can hide my suicidal thoughts when I'm sitting with a person
I tell so many jokes, they'll think I'd never spent a day hurting 
But when I'm alone I can't deal with my own mind
I'm working on being alone but it's going to take time

2 - I fell in love with her body

I fell in love with her body and not her heart
Thought I was winning, turns out I'd lost at the start
It started with her giving me a lap dance and me lapping it up
To her lapping me on the road to happiness
Now she's laughing and happy while I can barely smile
I'm going out to the club every week getting fairly wild 
Dancing with new girls trying to forget her memories
But none of these girls and me have the same chemistry
She saw me at my worst, but I still wanted to make her happy and not suffer
Yet I didn't realize how much she meant to me until I seen her with another 

3 - Damsel in distress saviour 

Anytime I see a girl in distress I feel the need to try and save her
Maybe it's because I'm damaged myself but I need to change this behaviour
I can't save them all and I judge myself for that
I seem to find lost girls, and want to help them back
Am I a hypocrite because I've broken a few hearts along the way?
What if I can only give them a short amount of time on a long day?
I try and fix them up until they're ready to find a man better than me
Then I'll find my next project, in the long run I don't want anyone together with me 
I was going to message a girl I missed but I cancelled the text
Because here I am again looking for the next damsel in distress

4 - I'm Bipolar 

I wish I was normal, I'm tired of being bipolar
My mood can change quickly, now I'm low when I have nothing to cry over
I don't have the strength to get out of bed, but my friends want to meet me
When I tell them my mood can change like that, they don't believe me
I can be happy for months but then it all changes for no reason
My world comes crashing down, and I start screaming 
I can't have anyone near me when I'm like that
I only hurt myself if I attempt to fight back
I hate being bipolar because everyone treats me differently
I tell people exactly who I am, yet they seem to want a different me

5 I'm prideful 

I have too much pride which can be a bad thing
I won't ask for help to fly even though I have broken wings
So I force myself to struggle with putting the pieces together
Asking for help isn't an option even if I live forever
My pride won't move, so I don't have it in me to tell her I miss her
So I'll stay by myself and cry a river
Pour vodka inside my mouth and laugh when it hits my liver
Maybe I wasn't supposed to survive my suicidal thoughts
My life is like one big obstacle survival course
But I made it out because you haven't met someone this prideful before 

6 - I'm a flirt 

When I see a lady I can't help to flirt
I'm numb to the world but she felt my words
I laugh and joke with them all
The same used lines I give them all
For some reason they find something charming about me
Most people see something alarming about me
I don't understand why I'm popular, they act like I'm Justin Timberlake
When I flirt, and ask to take them out on a dinner date
Make them laugh, and then they warm me up on winter breaks 
I'm such a flawed man, but because of my charm, they think I'm Mister great

7 - I can't take compliments

My parents never said they loved me
So I get scared if someone else tries to hug me
I don't have much confidence
To make it worse, I struggle to take compliments
I don't like to hear nice things about me
So please be careful with what words you bring around me
If you act too nice I'll look at you strange
I'll find my way alone, I don't need to be took through the game
I don't like myself much, but I like myself enough
Been stabbed in the back so much, I no longer feel the cut

8 - I can't cry

A heart full of pain, a head full of nightmare
The journey's long, holes in my Nike airs
Bit I don't fear storms
I'm just unable to express myself in tear form
I can't cry, no matter how had things get
They're broken, but I haven't used my wings yet
 I'm damaged and flawed
I take responsibility for the damage I managed to cause 
This poem is for every tear I never shed
I can't cry so I write it on paper instead 

9 - I'm emotional

I either show too much or none at all
At one time I managed to numb it all
I speak rarely, because we focus on wasted words
I wanted to feel again for the sake of her
They won't know how to take this verse
I express too much, should I dial it down
I'll make you cry if you tell me to turn my frown upside down 
Grew up being bullied and teachers being mad at me
Mind replaying things I had to see
Let me be sad in peace

10 I double rhyme too much

I've always had a troubled mind
Never used to use a line if it wasn't a double rhyme 
I'm not a great poet, need someone to fix me up
Maybe because I focus on this too much
Instead of thinking of something better to say
Been through the storm, so I don't fear the weather today 
My mind keeps me up at night
I hope I can think of something good to write
But what if they all think it sucks
Should I stop using the ink so much?
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