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10 Conversations In Icu Part Ii

Number six.

"Good morning, my name is David Brown. I'm a humanist chaplain volunteer.
I like to do the rounds and have a natter."

"That's interesting, David. Do sit down. So what motivates you here? 
How do you speak to spiritual matters?"

"Well, I’ve been there, and I like to try and help. 
I was clinically dead from a crash, my body was shattered.
As far as I am concerned there was just blackness, nothing after death.
But, I recovered, thank God.”

“Thank God David?  I don’t think you believe in heaven or hell? 
"And you are not dead, are you David? You’re alive, and quite well.
 You didn't die yet, did you David? Not as far as I can tell. "


Number seven.

"Do you want something Anthony?"

"Get me a pen and a pad. I want to write a note to my girlfriend.
I need a pen and a pad."

"You have a girlfriend, Anthony?”

“Yes, We don't have sex. she’s 36 and I'm 92 "

"What's her name?" 
"Boudicia. I think she sees me more like a dad."

"What do you want to say Anthony? Where should I send it to?"

"Barclays Bank. I must remind her to take me to Kingston Hospital." 

"But Anthony, you are in Kingston Hospital. Didn't you know?"


Number eight.

"Cup of tea or coffee dear?"

"No thank you, I can't keep anything down."

"Tea then?"

"No, I don't want tea, or coffee."

"Which one? You need to tell me dear."

"I already told you."

"What was it, I didn’t hear?"

"NEITHER! I said I can't keep anything DOWN!"

"I'll bring you a nice tea sweetheart,
 
and I can see you should do up your gown."


Number nine.

"Mr Butler, your pad is wet. 
I need to change you and turn you on your left or right 
so that you don’t get a sore." 

"Eh, what?" 

"I need to turn you Teddy, do you want it left or right?" 

"Eh, what?" 

"Do you have in your hearing aid Teddy? 
I rather think, perhaps not.
Ok, I'll do right. We don’t want you getting worse.
I'll put some cream on, ok Teddy?"  

"Yes. Stir two sugars in as well would you nurse."


Number ten.

"WHERE'S THE SISTER!!!!!" This is the SECOND time you've nearly killed my brother. 

(Andrew's visiting sister makes several exaggerated choking noises with hands around her throat).
 
"WHAT is SO difficult for you to get this right?!!
LISTEN TO HIM! " (More simulated choking)
He’s 30 degrees. He MUST be fed at 90 degrees. 
I've told you before for heaven's sake. 
Look, this is 30 degrees, THIS is 90 degrees! 
There's only one solution. 
I'M taking charge of his feeding tonight!."

"Now just wait a moment MADAME! 
I've seen your brother from my bed.
He’s been  rude and difficult all day. 
and I really must defend the nurse,
he doesn’t know how to behave." 

Wheeling around.
"HE'S MENTALLY ILL!! It's not YOUR business. BE QUIET !!!" 
Master mariner Miles had not expected that.

"I will NOT be quiet!!" he spat.
Andrew’s sister’s in no mood to give her ground. 
and their voices soon are screaming. 
Nurses try to pull apart patient Miles and Andrew's sister. 
30 deg nurse runs out tearful, and on the brink of crying.

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