-december Lullaby-
i saw you again last night,
in the dream of a december lullaby,
free from the life you once knew
i’ll never know why-
you chose to die...
parallel to all i once knew,
the moment you left without me-
i saw your yellow collide with blue
streaming gently down my crimson reverie
sated and jaded, brown eyes never dry,
your essence never faded, my sweet-
i knew your tears would make you die
ten years later dreams still admit defeat
o, when your fear became mine
i got burrowed below a whispering tide-
i’ve longed forever for our galaxies to align
and i die every day because of your suicide
ten years and you’re still too far to reach,
ten more and i’ll still miss you, my love-
a million tears shed in the sorrow you teach,
trading places with an angel above
i break in silence and take what isn’t mine,
i leave when i’m happy, yet stay when i’m blue-
you broke in madness and arose divine,
and i am still alone in a world without you
without you guilt fills my soul,
without you i’ve been ashamed-
without you i’ll never be whole...
for i am the one the devil blamed
allowing what is to come brings fear,
knowing what could have been bestows dread-
my winterless desires pull you near,
and pain flows as i roll out of bed
this year seems worse than ever before,
maybe ten years is a milestone not to forget-
but when the sinister breeze does implore
i get cascaded with sadness and regret
i should wear a smile when i think of you,
but lately i wear pajamas and a messy bun-
christmas time should not make me blue,
and new year’s eve should be fun-
but it won’t be anymore,
it’s the day death won...
for when life perishes one never knows just why...
maybe you'll sense me in my december lullaby
___________________________
this year is 10 years since my beautiful sister Karen took her life-
i am still haunted by her death...
12.19.20
-luloo
Copyright © Lu Loo | Year Posted 2020
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