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i saw you again last night, in the dream of a december lullaby, free from the life you once knew i’ll never know why- you chose to die... parallel to all i once knew, the moment you left without me- i saw your yellow collide with blue streaming gently down my crimson reverie sated and jaded, brown eyes never dry, your essence never faded, my sweet- i knew your tears would make you die ten years later dreams still admit defeat o, when your fear became mine i got burrowed below a whispering tide- i’ve longed forever for our galaxies to align and i die every day because of your suicide ten years and you’re still too far to reach, ten more and i’ll still miss you, my love- a million tears shed in the sorrow you teach, trading places with an angel above i break in silence and take what isn’t mine, i leave when i’m happy, yet stay when i’m blue- you broke in madness and arose divine, and i am still alone in a world without you without you guilt fills my soul, without you i’ve been ashamed- without you i’ll never be whole... for i am the one the devil blamed allowing what is to come brings fear, knowing what could have been bestows dread- my winterless desires pull you near, and pain flows as i roll out of bed this year seems worse than ever before, maybe ten years is a milestone not to forget- but when the sinister breeze does implore i get cascaded with sadness and regret i should wear a smile when i think of you, but lately i wear pajamas and a messy bun- christmas time should not make me blue, and new year’s eve should be fun- but it won’t be anymore, it’s the day death won... for when life perishes one never knows just why... maybe you'll sense me in my december lullaby ___________________________ this year is 10 years since my beautiful sister Karen took her life- i am still haunted by her death... 12.19.20 -luloo
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