The Last Slice Of Bread

Charlene walked in from the kitchen door that led to the garage just in time to warn him from what he was doing. He leaned on the kitchen island in the middle of the room and was about to perform an act, according to her dear mother, that was inviting disaster. He had been there for close to ten minutes sniffling and coughing away. But in his estimation he was well on his way to recovery and his renewed appetite very much indicative of that. While he had been there he had smoothly spread mayonnaise onto a slice of bread. He had then squirted some mustard on top of that and then delicately place a thick slice of bologna on top of the creamy condiments.

Afterward came a thick slice of sharp cheddar cheese, and as Charlene made her entrance he was reaching for the last slice of Sunshine Bread, the end slice in the pack and just down the counter from him. This is was what had caused her alarm. "Don't eat that!" she nearly shouted.

His renewed hunger was clear evidence he was on the road to renewed health from the bronchial problems that had plagued him for a week now. He'd made a pot of coffee, which he always savored when having such unhealthy fare. It was comfort food and a treat he sometimes rewarded himself when it was cold outside. A hearty sandwich, a bowl of steaming hot soup, a cup of coffee, and a large glass of two percent fat milk was his potent ambition of the moment.

He'd had it all planned out before Charlene had arrived home from work and was just finishing up when he heard her parking the car in the garage. It was just after she had come to the door when she witnessing him reach for the end slice of bread and drew her caution to him. "What?" he asked. She was removing her coat as she was moving across the room the brief heels of her shoes clacking across the hard wood kitchen floor that gleamed with the wax job she had given it last weekend.

"Don't eat that--it's--it's the last slice of bread isn't it?" He gave her an exasperated look. "And why not?" he asked her incredulous. "It's bad luck--it's bad luck to eat the last slice of bread." she said as she stood at the couch in the living room where she had halted briefly on her journey to the master bedroom. "And says who might I ask?" he inquired with a laugh continuing the construction of the delicious sandwich.

"My mama--she would never let anyone eat the last slice of bread in the bag." she said turning away and heading on down the hallway to the bedroom. Now done he followed in her wake. "That's a new one on me." he chuckled. "A new what?" she said sliding open the large closet taking a wooden hanger and draping her coat over it. "Old wive's tale, urban legend, however you wish to describe it." She gave him that look he recognized that she always gave him when she thought he was endeavoring to seem insufferable and oh so condescending. She gave him a faux smile. "Oh I never her heard mention it in that context. She apparently came up with it on her own thank you."

"No need to get in a huff--it's just that it sounds superstitious and I've never known you or your mother to be superstitious you know except like most people are in silly ways like tossing salt over their shoulder, not walking under ladders, or horseshoes you know, not--not in bizarre ways." he tried to explain. "No, it's not bizarre at all--I think she started thinking like that after some personal experience." she said as he began changing into her lounge clothes a pair of comfortable loose jeans and a soft print pullover. "What kind of experience?" he asked. "Well she never told 'em to me exactly, but she was so serious about it all the time you know that it just became routine with me and my siblings. In fact she would get rid of the last slice of bread first thing after she'd get home from grocery shopping."

"Now honey don't you know how ridiculous that sounds?" he asked once more taking on what she thought was pompous officiousness. "Just do as I asked and please don't call my mother ridiculous?" she said in a huff reclining on the bed intent to take a nap. He smirked with frustration and removed himself from the door frame of the room. He walked determinedly back to the kitchen. He went to the cabinet and found a can of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup. He pulled on the pull tab and stripped the can open. He retrieved a bowl from the portion of the cabinet that held the various dishes and platters and dumped the entire contents from the can into it.

He then placed it on a plate he'd taken from the cabinet as well and on which he would heat it in the microwave and later use it to transport to the television tray he had set up before his chair in the den where he intended to eat while he watched the large screen he had on the far wall in there. At that moment Charlene came back into the kitchen.

"How come you never told me this in all the years we been married?" he asked. "And I've got to tell you honey I'm pretty sure I've eaten a lot of end pieces in all this time. "There's never been any need to until now." she said. "It's just that for some reason when I picked up that loaf I forgot my normal routine." she said and then with all seriousness said. "And no you've never eaten the last slice of bread." He began shaking his head. "Oh but I have dear--I've eaten a lot of them and as a matter of fact I have an affinity for them because of the crust being all over one side. It--it gives 'em substance like that bread you get in a Subway." he said with exuberance and a wave of his hand.

She smiled at him. "You may have eaten a lot of front end slices, but never the end slice at the back of the loaf." she said. "Until now I never left the end slice in--I'd take it out and throw it away." she informed him. "Oh yeah how did you manage to do that?" he asked. "Well I would simply wait to be alone in the house. I'd wait until you left for work and when the kids were still home for them to go to school or over to one of their friends. They never paid attention to anything related to the kitchen anyway except to recognize that it was where the food was stocked."

He put the soup into the microwave and punched in three minutes. As it hummed into action he stood there monitoring it with the attention of someone at ground control in Houston during a space flight. But momentarily the metaphor was lost on him remembering now no American flights with astronauts escaped Earth's gravity from the soil of the United States because we'd seemingly lost our will to have such a space program anymore.

"3-2-1." he said continuing to ponder the analogy. "Ignition liftoff!" he said as the machine began pinging indicating the soup had been heated the amount of time he felt would make it the most palatable for him. He opened the door of the microwave and taking the sides of the plate quickly moved from the kitchen to the den off the living room. In there he placed it on the tv tray and returned to the kitchen. When he was back in there he saw her removing the end piece from atop his sandwich that sat on a paper towel on the kitchen island. "Hey what are you doing?" he demanded.

"I'm getting rid of it like mama said I should." she said. She made her way to the kitchen closet intent to thrown it in the plastic they kept in there considering it unsightly to have it out in the open. But when she looked in there she saw that there was not any plastic lining in the thing. And then she remembered she had run out of garbage bags. She held it up like the carcass of a dead vermin. "Here take it out and put it in the large can out side." she said. "Oh Charlie the can is full--so full in fact the lid won't close. It'll only attract varmints if I put it in there and the truck doesn't come until tomorrow." he protested.

She frowned then and walked to the cabinet and removed a small platter. She placed the naked piece of bread on it and now went to the refrigerator. She opened it and set it on the top shelf in there among many of the perishable items. She closed the door and turning around now folding her arms. "Now promise me right now Larry that you won't touch it?" she said with all sincerity. "Good grief honey it want be worth much after being in there for awhile. It'll be all stiff and soggy to boot with that mayo on it." she told her.

"Good. Look I'm going to go back and try and get my nap. I'll wake up shortly and go to the grocery store and pick up the garbage bags and a few other items and I'll fix us a late dinner. A decent meal, so don't eat so much of that stuff. It's full of cholesterol anyway and is not good for you." she scolded him as she pushed off down the hall.

"This is foolish Charlie." he said once more following her to the bedroom. Arriving at the door she turned to him. "Just this once Larry please do what I ask." she said going inside the room. "Okay, okay Charlie, but please indulge me for a moment he said arriving there and once more standing at the threshold. "What--indulge you how?" she asked. "Well as I understand it after you brought a loaf home and had the opportunity you'd remove the bread from the bag and when you got to the end slice you would throw it away and no one would be the wiser right?" he began.

"Yes she said placing an arm over her forehead as she reclined on the mattress. "Then I'm assuming you'd take them out in their specific order and you would put them back in that same order right?" he continued. "Yeah sure--I'd put them back into the bag in the same order I took them out and would then put the twist tie back on the bag. And none of you were the wiser as you said." she said removing her arm off her forehead raising up and looking at him curiously.

"Well then don't you see Charlene all you did was turn the next to the last slice of bread into the last slice of bread--sooo it sorta defeats the point of what you were doing. If you had an infinite loaf of bread the next to last slice could become the last slice once you threw that slice into the garbage. Not only is it foolish on the face of it, it's--it's a waste of money not to mention a waste of perfectly good food.

"No it's not. That next to the last slice might be the end slice in that circumstance, but, but don't you see the last slice I threw away was intended to be the last slice of bread when it came off the line. The new end slice wasn't meant to be the last one and is simply now a substitute and therefore can't satisfy the ah...ah curse I suppose." she said to him lying back again and closing her eyes. He laughed aloud now. "Charlie now can't you see how see silly that sounds?"

She jumped from the bed and placed her hands on her hips angrily. "Are you calling my dear mother silly?" she demanded. He waved her off frustrated. "Don't get p.o.ed I only meant its kind of odd to tell me not to eat the last slice of bread because it's some superstition. And it is definitely a superstition no matter what you think--after all you said yourself it was "bad luck" to eat it--a curse even. That's the text book definition of a superstition. And the truth of the matter is you don't really know the reason why. Didn't you say that your mom never really said what it was made her to come to the decision to think it was bad luck." She sat back on the bed and looked at him with greater understanding now her tone mellowing. "I understand what you're say--just this time you indulge me and not eat it--okay dear?"

"Okay baby there's no need to argue over it, but like I said it's a waste of money and food. Didn't your folks ever tell you to eat all the food off your plate that it was a sin to throw any of it away because of all those starving kids in Africa?" "Yes--yes--I got it. But to be honest I never got the point of that. If I wasn't hungry anymore why should I not throw it away, it certainly could never be made available to those starving children and it seems to me if you would eat it when you're full it's the sin of gluttony." "Yeah that sounds about right." he said removing himself from there and once more returning to the kitchen.

Back in there he got his cup of coffee, the glass of milk and eventually got it all to the den and on his tray. Taking his seat he looked at the pathetic open faced sandwich. He had several spoonfuls of the soup and after several moments lifted the sandwich to his mouth. He took a bite out of it and got mayo and mustard on his nose. He wiped the mess from his face with a paper towel and shrugged with frustration. "Goodness don't eat the last slice of bread!" he bemoaned his predicament. "That's a bloody waste!" he said to himself. "It's the silliest thing I've ever heard." he added.

He looked at his wristwatch. How long had it been...maybe Charlie was asleep by now.? He rose up quietly and made his way to the door. He peeped out and strained to see if he could hear her snoring. He heard nothing. But it was some distance away and he'd likely wouldn't hear her since the door to the room was now closed. He tiptoed from the room and softly made his way from there back into the kitchen. He'd get the bread and once she was up and realized he'd eaten it with no consequence she'd come to her senses. He retrieved it from the from the small platter and made his way back to the den. He neatly placed it on top of the sandwich and had his seat once more prepared to enjoy it at last.

As Charlene lay on the bed she found it difficult to go to sleep which she normally never had a problem doing. She hated whenever she and Larry had any kind of spat. He was a good husband in every respect and she couldn't help but think that his objection to consuming the last slice of bread was warranted. She had never gone into detail with her mother about her warning on eating that particular slice of bread. She was a young girl when she had told her that and being an obedient daughter she had taken it as gospel never once questioning her mother about it.

Though she had never decided tell the same to her children or even Larry when they had their own family instead she still nevertheless adhered to her mother's warning always getting rid of it. But when the children were grown and leaving their home she did tell them about what she had done all those years. She passed the caution onto them as well, but if they had ever taken it to heart she was unaware. She had never heard of any problems surrounding it and so never thought to inquire if they took it seriously or not.

By now Larry was well into having his meal. He slurped the soup with his spoon, had a drink of milk and now enticed by the sight of it lifted the sandwich up and prepared to take a large bite out of it. In the meantime Charlene having grown curious sat up on the side of the bed and reached for her cellphone. It was her intention to call her mother and get to the bottom of her ridiculous superstition.

Soon enough she had her mother on the phone. "Hello?" her mother said on the other end of the line. "Mom, it's me Charlene." she said. "Hello dear--ah how's Larry is he getting over his bug?" she asked now. "I'm fine mom and Larry's coming along well. As a matter of fact that's why I'm calling." she began. "Oh really why might that be dear?" her mother asked. "Well when I got home from the office he was fixing himself a sandwich and he was about to use the last slice of bread. I normally throw them away like you said I should but for some reason I forgot to this time. Well I told him not to eat it. Told him about what you always said to never eat it." she went on. "But Larry insisted that was silly and in fact a waste of money and food. And I got to admit mom it does seem kind of peculiar and in fact is a waste. "Oh no dear I wouldn't even recommend a starving man eat the last slice of bread." her mother said with all due seriousness. "You made him throw away didn't you?" she now asked.

"Well no, we're out of garbage bags and the container outside is full. No I just put it on a small platter and put it in the fridge. I made him promise not to eat it, and to just leave in there until I can get some new bags. He didn't like it, but I made him promise." Charlene said. "Good now don't you let him slip back in there and get it. I know Larry he's a good one for wanting to make a point." her mom cautioned. "I don't think he will but after I get off the line I'll make sure he's sticking to it. But for goodness sake tell me why do you say someone should never do it--ah eat the last slice of bread?" she now asked.

Her conversation over she placed the phone back onto the night stand. She had her answer and now was intent to tell her husband the reason behind the superstition. She had to admit it was still just that. He still might think it was silly and a waste, but considering what her mother had said she witnessed over her lifetime it might would make some sense to some. What would you think if you had witnessed what she had witnessed at least five times? She walked from the bedroom and into the kitchen.

She was going to see if the bread was still in there and then tell Larry the story. She made it to the fridge and opened the door. Much to her shock all she saw was the empty small platter. The slice of bread was gone and Larry had broken his promise to her. She raised her head. "Darn it Larry you broke your promise--you promised me you wouldn't eat that last slice of bread.

She closed the refrigerator placed her hands on her hips once more and rolling her eyes said. "You want to know why mom says not to eat the last slice of bread? " She got no response. She was exasperated by his silence. Good grief he can't be that upset can he? she wondered. "Well I'll tell you why..." she started into telling him. "...what would you think if you had seen five, yes five, people choke to death eating a sandwich that had the last slice of bread on it? I know it still sounds somewhat ridiculous, but in some ways it makes perfect sense." she said then.

Suddenly now she heard the sound of crashing dishes. Goodness did that make him so mad he threw the whole mess into the floor? she wondered. Growing angry now herself she went to the door of the den and looked in. What she saw there would haunt her to her final days. Larry was on the floor in there his hands clawing at his throat. His face was turning blue and his body was quavering with terror and despair. After some struggle she managed to get him up and attempted the Hemlich Maneuver. She had no idea how long he had been struggling to recover before knocking everything into the floor. It was all there before him a terrible mess, the soup, the coffee and the milk now making a dark stain on the blue carpet.

She heroically tried to save his life, but all she did was to no avail. At one point in his panic he pulled away from her and once more collapsed onto the floor. She looked around desperately trying to find his phone, but after several moments and unable to she made it to the bedroom and dialed 9-1-1 on her phone and summoned an ambulance.

Once the EMTs arrived they used a defibrillator to get his heart back to beating, but by now he was for all intent and purpose brain dead and merely a husk of a human being never again able to function in any normal way. The EMTs had merely revived him for insurance reasons and were required to so just in case at some time some family member would think not everything that could have been done to save their loved one and as a precaution for any civil action that might be launched against the first responders and the proprietor of the ambulance, in this case the county who were the governing body over the service.

As reported Larry was brain dead that organ having been starved of oxygen and no matter that his heart was pumping blood throughout his body his brain was forever in stasis. Knowing Larry would never want to survive in such a condition Charlene and their three children requested the plug be pulled and donated his organs that could be salvaged. An autopsy revealed a large piece of cheddar cheese was what had caused him to choke to death, but until meeting her own end some years later Charlene was convinced it was because Larry hadn't taken her mother's warning to heart.

Soon after his funeral she returned to her routine of always removing the last slice of bread from a loaf she had purchased from the grocery store. It would be the first thing she would do after arriving home from the store. And she cautioned everyone she knew they would be well served to do the same thing. Most thought it was just the strange eccentricity of an old lady that made her to insist they throw away the last slice of bread and would humor her while at the same time laughing it off. And she well knew how utterly foolish it probably made her seem to everyone she gave the caution to and regardless the ridicule she continued to do so until the end of her very long life.

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