Test Run

PROEFSTEEK (The original title, meaning: Test Run)

Companies are vying with one another to sponsor the many political rallies leading up to the municipal elections to be held in August 2016. Kotex has rallied to the challenge by handing out free samples to the parliamentary members to be used when parliament is in session, as a ‘proefsteek’. Some people felt that no trial was necessary as most members (if not all) already had this down pat.

Those of you, who regularly follow the broadcast of the parliamentary proceedings daily on SABC2, will have noticed a discreet pile of three sanitary towels next to the customary bottled water and glass next to each seating – irrespective that most of the seats were vacant. When Kotex was asked if they collected the unused items at day end, or just refreshed the piles of three at each seating for the next session, a spokesperson for the company said: “We at first used to refresh the pile, but some members complained that they were not sure who had handled it last and did not feel comfortable about this practice. Now we just rotate the piles and we have had no complaints to date.”

When a parliamentarian was asked what he thought about this innovative advertising, he said that his wife thought it was a great idea as the items came in handy. When it was pointed out to him that it was to be used at work, and not taken home, he was perplexed: “Work? What work are you talking about?” The reporter left him where he was last seen scratching his head, totally perplexed.

We applaud Kotex for this bold move. This initiative primarily came about due to the large absenteeism being experienced in the work place. Some people were even so daring as to suggest that this was an environment which is the result of a culture of absenteeism at school level. Due to the lack of access to sanitary towels, many school girls had no choice but to stay home once a month. Even primary schools were reporting these phenomena. No wonder Caster Semenya elected to be a woman – more days off school per month …

When a couple of goody-two-shoes had tried to step in and supplied a select few high schools with free sanitary towels, this was frowned upon. They were grilled about their selection process and had to submit their books for scrutiny, just in case this non-profit organisation was a front to launder money. No end product was available to verify the amount of items used.

The Big Cheese has called for a commission of equerry to look into the motives of Kotex. He said that his wives are very secretive about this matter and he felt uneasy where a product is not transparent and their advertising campaign is based on cloaking matters.

With the preliminary ‘proefsteek’ finalised, Kotex is proud to announce that they were able to make the parliamentary attendance that more comfortable for its members. It was variously noted that the men (especially those that could not afford an expensive African Weave) had successfully figured out how to hook the loops around their ears and thus cushioned, did not have to worry about whiplash when they fell asleep in their seats and no longer sustained injuries when their heads hit the hard bench at the back of them. Most people used it to shield their eyes against the glare of the TV cameras, especially when they took time out from their busy schedule to pray for the nation. Last but not least, one parliamentarian found the item useful to hook under his chin and placed the loops around his ears. He swore by this remedy for curing snoring – something which other members close to him had reason to complain about in the past. One member was quoted as saying that FREE was free and made use of all three items supplied on a daily basis. The ensemble was held into place by EFF badges which were returned at the end of the famously televised rally recently held in Soweto.

There were other uses proposed for the sanitary towels but the Speaker of the House told the assembly that they were out of order. The rebuttal was bleeped out of the TV broadcast —the TV crew had gotten wise to the antics of the parliamentarians and no longer deliver a live feed. With this ‘proefsteek’ finalised, we may look forward to the next one, proposed by Durex.

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