Letting Go

As the scent of lilies stung my nostrils I pondered my life, gazing at yet another vase of guilty flowers, I felt numb. Frantic fear took over as the front door closed with a thud, he was home. I met Fred 5 years ago through a mutual friend, it was love at first sight. He was your stereotypical tall, dark and handsome type, with piercing blue eyes that made my heart race. They still do, although not for the same reason.

Last night was the worst it’s been for a while, I was familiar with the usual routine which left my body bruised, but this was different. In the past I judged people like me, if only I had known things are not always as they appear. Just like the soup I made yesterday, it looked good but apparently it was too salty; I can still smell it in what’s left of my hair. It all began because I asked for a pregnancy test, if I had been pregnant, I certainly wasn’t now.

As I lay in bed inches from evil, those unsterile scissors staring at me. My mind replayed each vulgar scene in crimson colour. I snapped! I’ve had enough! For the first time my mind was clear, I felt an ounce of courage to do what I wanted. I got up brazenly sliding on my small trainers. I opened the front door which had filled me with dread all these years and I ran. I ran as though I was sprinting like a child in a race for the swings.

I arrived at the bridge and gripped the cold railing tightly, as I carefully climbed over to the edge. My mind raced. I wanted to let go, I needed to let go! Torrential tears had washed my eyes dry. Thoughts flashed and flickered like lightening forks. A soft voice came from behind me, “are you ok my love?”, as I glanced over my shoulder a lady stood with her small child, her beautiful blue eyes pierced me with fear. My mud caked trainers slid on the gravel beneath me. The lady continued to talk through the mist, but I couldn’t hear. I counted in my mind, then finally let go forever.

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