Letters to Momma- 1- Eulogy- 9/16/2014

Renee was a Wife, Mom, Momo, daughter, sister, cousin, aunt, and friend. The best kind of friend.
My mom was so many things to so many people and somehow her heart was big enough for us all.
To be honest, I don’t think I can write or say anything that will truly express all that she was. There are no words powerful enough.
I’ve never met anyone else who loved the way she did. She was the most passionate person I’ve ever known. When she loved someone, she loved them with every fiber of her being and vowed to love them forever. Her love was an understanding kind of love, an unconditional love. She understood that life gets busy. That people tend to come and go. But…… if she loved you once, she would love you always. 10 years could go by and she would still greet you with a loving smile, a big hug, and a “come on in, it’s so good to see you!” eager to sit at that kitchen table and talk, talk, talk! My mom would do just about anything to help someone she loved. Most of the time though it was one particular thing people needed. Her ears! My mom had a way about her, to not only listen to you but to make you feel at ease. Making you feel comfortable and accepted. No matter what emotion the moment called for, she was ready to share it with you. Are we happy? Let’s celebrate! Sad? She’d get the tissues. Mad? Oh boy, somebody was in for it! Her love was a unique kind of love. It was a type of love that actually made you feel like a better person just by receiving it. Recently one of our brother figures said this "Renee loves me. She hopes that good things happen for me. She thinks of me always. She keeps me in her heart and under her wing. I know these things are true. Thank you for making my life better. Thank you for making me a better person, a better man. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for sharing your life with me. " I believe he said that perfectly for us all.
Growing up I knew I had a great Mom. She was dedicated beyond measure. Involved in every aspect of our lives. From-being homeroom Mother, working in the cafeteria at the school and coaching our sports teams. To-getting to know our friends, sharing life lessons with us and making sure we knew we could talk to her about anything. Still it wasn’t until I got older and was becoming an adult myself that I realized just how blessed I was. I had a mother who was my best friend. She has loved me like no one else. She has supported me through every bad decision I ever made, she’s picked me up and dusted me off. She’s lectured me until she was blue in the face demanding I realize that I was capable of anything and everything I put my mind to. She worried about me and prayed for me when I had to figure certain things out for myself. She’s been my biggest fan and loudest cheerleader my entire life. She is the reason I stand here today. .
She’s in everything I do. She taught me how to be a friend, a sister, a wife and a mother. She did so through example, of course, but also by holding nothing back when it came to teaching us. She was humble. Not afraid to tell us the stories she wasn’t so proud of. The things she felt she could have done better at. She didn’t hide her mistakes, she didn’t hide her flaws. If she thought it would help and maybe save us from pain, she’d tell us her darkest regrets with no hesitation. She was a natural protector.
I remember during my teenage years she would always say “I want you to be more than me”. All I could think is why?! I never saw anything wrong in her. “You’ll see one day Jessie, when you have kids of your own. As a parent you always want more for your children” And as always she was right. I find myself saying the same thing to Xander these days. I must say though, I still believe there isn't anything wrong in being like her and in fact, every day I strive to do just that.
I always wished she could she herself through my eyes. When I was little I used to just stare at my mom in amazement. I admired her confidence, her attitude, her ability to take on any situation and come out, not only a survivor, but a victor. Beauty just radiated from her. Her presence was something that couldn't be ignored. She had an unexplainable way about her, people just flocked to her. Growing up there was always a variety of people at our house and my mom was the reason. She provided comfort, love, and happiness. Anyone who was in need of those things was welcome to call our Home their own and throughout the years many did.
If you would have asked me 15 years ago if my Mom could have ever topped her dedication as a mother, I would of said No Way. But, I was wrong. Being a Momo was definitely her award winning role. Her Grandkids stole her heart and there was nothing in this world that could compete with how much she loved them. They were her greatest motivation, her greatest love, her greatest accomplishment. She lived to be with them and to watch them shine and I mean that literally. She was determined to be a part of their life and a part of who they'll become. I know I sound like a broken record but there was no love like her love and I'm so glad that our children got to experience a love that will last a lifetime.
When I think of my mom I can’t help but think of strength and courage. She always disagreed. She’d say “I don’t know why you all say that… I’m not strong, I’m not brave. I’m scared. “I never could get her to understand that, that right there was what made her the strongest person I’ve ever known. So many people try to pretend that they’re fine when things are bad, that they’re tough so they’re not going to cry. They fight off their true feelings in fear of looking weak. I must confess, I tend to be one of those people. I think it takes much more strength and courage to be like my mom. To just admit that sometimes life hurts and to admit NO I’m not okay right now. She never let pride get in the way. She always allowed herself to feel the pain and just as important, to feel the joy. I truly think that’s the reason she was able to overcome so much in her life. She wasn’t Superman. She didn’t expect herself to be. She knew that life can be the most amazing, beautiful thing but at times it's also going to hurt like no other. I think that is possibly one of the most important lessons she passed on to us.
These last few weeks have been the most trying I've ever been through, heck, the last year really. It's beyond heartbreaking to watch your hero fight their last battle. It's soul crushing to watch the champion of your world fight and realizing it's one they can't win. But still she's just that, the Champion, My Hero and she always will be. She fought so hard and with so much grace and courage. No one will ever be able to take those titles from her. My mom insisted all the way to the end that she was not going to give up. She was a fighter. That's how God made her. She so badly wanted to be a testimony to God's work and even though things didn't turn out the way we all hoped and prayed they would, I still believe she is nothing less than a miracle. Her whole life was a testimony. I will be forever grateful and blessed to have been a part of her story and to help keep her legacy alive. As you all leave today, I hope you take comfort in the memories and honor her by remembering that love truly conquers all.
You know when I decided I was going to do this, I knew it was going to be hard. I told myself that this was the most important thing I was ever going to write and I just had to do it . I just had to get the courage to start, that starting would be toughest part. Boy did I lie. Because now, I'm suppose to say goodbye. Goodbye? That just seems wrong, so unworthy of all that she has done for me. How do you say goodbye to the person who has made you all that you are, to the person that never gave up on you and always stood by your side? How to you say goodbye to the most important person any of us will ever know, Your Mother? This is what I've came up with.... You don't! I won't. Just as she never gave up on me neither will I for her. As E. E. Cummings said " I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart. I am never without it, anywhere I go, you go". I will carry her love with me every minute of every hour of every day until we meet again. So I'll end this the only way I know how......I love you Momma, glad you're mine.

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