FOREIGN FEELING

Dear foreign feeling….

You left me with nothing but everything to remember especially the things that you showed me as it is am at ease with the fact that I was never at peace with myself.

There is something about poverty that scares me, its authority will always be about what people think because this on its own it’s a priority to many, to make more money and live your dreams out loud. This is how this foreign feeling came about………we all have dreams whether big or small, true or not and possible or not possible it will seem too difficult to know how to start unpacking what’s in your mind, in this story I want to redeem all my deeds to this foreign feeling that I fell into.

Its Monday after a weekend I just got paid in my office trying to think because in most cases when you a dreamer you will constantly want to change your situation because as it is you become ambitious about things you want to achieve no one wants to be failure because it’s not a good feeling. I was reading a newspaper as usual knowing my situation thinking about money and its pleasures even though I knew that if I had it I would grow more of it, if I could just have a start and when you worry about how you start its going to be something that you will think all day and not get an answer till you figure out those little sweet nothings that will be coupled with the excitement of not having to wave at poverty anymore. I’m talking about a solution that comes with shortcuts and we all know about how shortcuts will cut you short right? What I came across on this daily paper was bunch of adverts on the classified and I saw one that got me thinking and I looked at it and I said imagine if I could get this money , I could do more with it can even grow it and build my own empire that’s where it all started. The advert said bring money in your house using oil by King Musa from Nigeria, the love for money left me feeling useless when it was done with me. I called king Musa and he asked how can he help me , I hen said to him I wanted money I want to start my own business so I do I get this money his talking about then he asked me how old am I and I must give him three names of people who passed away in my family he wants to check how is my luck , I told him what he wanted to know he then told me he will call me back somehow was eager to know what was this about the mystery really blinded me but that was the start of it all. He called me back he told me that my luck it’s not so good he needs to cleanse me so that my ancestors can give the money and at that time I’m thinking to myself is this really going to happen then king Musa told what needed to happen so he asked for money to buy the necessary things for cleansing and I must come to Germiston then our conversation ended with telling that I’m looking for money yet you want lot of money by me then decided look for those who are not far from me called other posted advert prophet Dibo from PTA/JHB lucky he was in Pretoria so called him he answered the call we spoke told him saw your advert and I want your help I want this money I want to start my own empire and he said I will help you how much you want I said I want 1million all my trouble can go away with that money will start new business and grow it into something big the prophet asked me to come him I went there the place was not hard to find as I knew Pretoria CBD very well , we met and he took me into an office were one of his friend was there thought let me see how far this can take maybe this for real you will never know with Nigerians and their muthi maybe they can get me something, we entered into the office and it was divided in such way that there other side it was where he performed his work the place was dark it smelled of muthi and incense he was burning took off my shoes as normal we talked told him what I wanted and he said he will help me first he needs to check my lucky status and he said the ancestors are favoring you he said we can work so he told what we needed to do to get the money all the instruction and for that the consultation I gave R350 and the instruction where I have to have about R4000 for us to start with the whole thing of getting the money all that was in my mind was seeing myself having the money and starting my own business I looked for the money I got it called him and he said I must come to him and I did when I arrived we laughed shared jokes it was fun and thought this person it’s going to get me money lots of it I was drawn into that and don’t ask what made me believe this was true but something inside so me felt so strong about this been the prefect way I already made up my mind what car I was going to drive a kind house I was going to be living in it was just perfect in my mind we got in we spoke inside that dark room he told me what I needed to do I listened to his instructions very well he told me to get a big bag because the money it’s going to be too much so I must put a big bag and I must buy 6 eggs I must put two eggs in the bag and the other four eggs I must stand in the center of my yard I must throw eggs on each direction front , back and sideways so I did and I must go to three graves of family members gather around soil in their grave put it the bag and I must not open the bag I must put it on top of wall unit for clothes and gave me things to bath with and I must speak to my ancestors about what I want while I was bathing and when I was done the feeling of having money was so prefect it was foreign to me it killed all my senses. Kept seeing flash backs of the kind life will be leaving after I get the money it was just perfect mind you that four thousand I just recently made a loan for it thinking I’m going to get more than that what hell I’m going to pay it cash that’s how arrogant I was this foreign feeling was so good it had going. I couldn’t sleep my lights were off but my eyes were magnified to full vision in the dark kept saying to myself the shape of the bag has changed money in the Bag!!!!!! Finally I fell asleep I woke next morning found myself staring at the bag with only crazy thoughts that I have money now but I could see that n there is no money in there , I was angry but eager to know what’s prophet was going to say waited for his call because he said he call to tell when to open the bag and when he called and told me to open the bag and I told him there is nothing no money then he told me he will call back I shouldn’t worry and I was anxious and angry when he finally called back few minutes later he told his rats told him that my neighbors have jealous for me so I won’t get the money, I need to come to his office now , then without fear I rushed to him to find him waiting for me now this was a turning point of everything because this guy he was the only one who showed me things the others ones that followed after him it because of prophet Dibo . we entered that consulting room again he starting talking in his language talking to the ancestors it was as if this was true but somehow it was true things that happened in there if still today I think somehow about it because he prayed we prayed he took that bag from and that sand and two eggs were still in the bag he took everything out put everything inside small trunk a note of things wanted to do with the money we started praying again and again it was good feeling yet so foreign because couldn’t control it was just to perfect knowing I was going to be rich when we were done praying he opened the trunk and inside the trunk there was money lots of it I could not believe my eyes all that I thought of was spending this money he spoke to me all I could hear was my thoughts was just agreeing to whatever he was saying till he started explaining why the money was wet and dirty he told me whole of things and got irritated asked him how we going to clean the money what is it we need to do he told me we need two 25 liters of water this is special water and he got a friend who can give us and its quite expensive so I can ask him to give discount because I bring many clients to I’m for the water he said the water it’s about R15.000 for 25 liters for two and it was going to cost me R30. 000, so he told me he negotiated for two 25 liters for R15.000, so now I’m on my way home with a big bag that had no money I was frustrated but the fact that I saw the trunk full with money, I had to go get that R15.000 because if I get the money I will pay the loan back same time that’s how easy it was in my mind.

I managed to get another loan for R15.000 to get this water that was going to clean my money saw it all coming true when I qualified for the loan then withdrew the money and went to the prophet and gave him the money he was happy that I was working quick, he boosted about me been serious that’s why my things will go well and I boosted too telling him am a man of my word that’s why I’m going have a well-oiled business that’s going eradicate poverty and we sat down inside that dark room meanwhile he starts praying to the ancestors for everything to go well that night because we were going to the grave yard twelve o clock that night to go get the money at the grave yard after that we going to work all night to clean the money then we can have the money I must give him his share this was as if things were just going my way then came 12am we went to some grave yard and we arrived it was pretty dark I couldn’t make out what was going on but all that I thought of was the money I will be having all to myself the kind car I will driving how am going to be debt free because that was the initial plan to get this money and pay off all my debt but to my surprise it was far from over when they called me over to a grave that they just digged it was as if it was digged for me this I realized after everything because when I sit now today when I reflect on that night things I was supposed to have been killed for some sort of ritual or something but whatever saved me that day still searching for it because as I was inside that hole they poured some white stuff on me like it was milk the prophet and his associates kept praying in a language that was foreign to me I was somehow getting dizzy and I passed out right there on the grave.

when I woke up it was morning I was confused not knowing what happened went home kept the whole thing to myself and I then received a call from the prophet he asked me if I was ok I said yes I was and where is the money he coughed and told me a story about how we were robbed and how he was taken to some place where he was bitten up by people who he do not know, I was so angry and at the back of mind I knew he was lying but the fact that I saw the wet money I believed that this thing is true the money exist I was drawn into this obsession on prophets who bring money and that open doors to another scam I suffered on other prophet whom I consulted and confided to him about what happened and comforted me and told that he will finish that other prophets work because the ancestors didn’t want me to get the money yet because my spirit it’s not in a right place already am stressing with multiple loans I took for that other prophet was now struggling to maintain everything with my pay so this other prophet all I had to do was slaughter a goat and feed people who are homeless so that my blesses can come that I believed so he told me that he can do for me I don’t have to worry all I have to do is give him the money he will do the rest I remember it like it was just yesterday because we meet outside CBD were we stopped at the some garage and I went imto his car he drove a big Double Cab Bakkie.

When we were inside his nice SUV he rubbed things in my hand also blew multiple times in my ear as if he was blinding me from making sense of what was to happen I gave the guy R1.750 to buy all the necessary things for me to get this money since he was from free sate I had to help with accommodation and since I stayed at home and didn’t want them to know what I was doing he came with a good plan for me to book him into a hotel and that I did and since he was at the hotel he can’t do the job inside a hotel and since I don’t want to do it at my house he will drive to joburg to meet with one of his friends who is prophet who will accommodate him to do the ritual there so that we can get the money. He told me he is going to go to joburg now with money was happy he seemed to know what he to know his work he scammed me so hard that I couldn’t tell the difference between a lie and the truth all my ears wanted to hear was money money, money he left for joburg and since we were going to meet at that same garage in few hour time I made sure do not drive and waste patrol I remained at that spot for few hours when the man called it sounded as if he was at the river I could hear the water racing down, he told me that he has the money and there was this certain rush through my spinal vein got so excited but at the back of my mind I wished that there shouldn’t be a but and that but came with that thought, when he immediately told me another problem again that was going to need money and since I exhausted all my credit limit on all banks and small cash loans was drowning in debt It as if I was going to pass out when he told what I needed to do was already in debt so luckily I knew a guy I work with who gives money and 30% I wanted on every hundred rand I take so I took about R5000 for my prophet for him to appease the ancestors he showed me a picture of him with the money in some dodgy place the picture looked real I could see the money it was dirty he had lots of money on the floor I was convinced that there is money here that’s when I contacted another loan shark to give money and he never hesitated to send the money through Shoprite it was quicker but it was late when I received the money and that’s when I made a call to the prophet to find out how should send the money because I have it and he said I must find an Atm he gave me his account number to deposit the money , the feeling was so strong even though it was all so wrong in front of my eyes I just remained firm my whole body started to be heavy, I was no longer beefed up it was as if I switched off as I walked to an ATM to deposit the money to my prophet and since It was getting late and he received the money late he told me he will not come back to Pretoria he will work the whole night at his friends place in joburg to get me the money that I so wished to have, from then on, things went from bad to worse because of my love for money.

If there was a way to turn the back the hands of time I think I would have acted differently to this foreign feeling that has stolen all that I was it left me cold that it affected my family badly because when my finances took a knock I showed so quick because as man you need to provide for your family and sometimes I would do things without thinking my life was a mess. one day my mother was preparing the guest room for my cousin who was coming to visit us to her surprise she found a long note with instructions what to do and small bottle with muthi inside my mother tried to read what was written there but I think she felt that this note has evil in it called my little brother to read and tell her what was this note saying because she wanted to know what was this note saying my mother broke down into tears as soon as walked in ,she started screaming saying sorts of things that I’m trying to kill people with this ritual things it was so painful I wished the ground would open an swallow me this was too much to bare I couldn’t explain my actions because in their eyes I saw fear it was as if what I did I wanted to make a sacrifice them for the money and that was not what I was doing this traumatized me for months it takes a mistake to take you back to that day you made that decision to engage with this people I needed someone to blame for this because I couldn’t blame myself even though I saw this it was my own fault because I had lost respect from everyone who was present that day

I wanted to find a way to fix all that I have broken and this made me to be vulnerable to all situations that came my way.

This story it’s still been written its ending depends on how I survive each day because the man I was before I read that article on the newspaper was no longer there I had to find myself because every time I see a newspaper I get so mad that I sometimes cry myself to sleep in hope that I could forget all that I experience in the hands of this foreign prophets who helped me turn my life upside down in just a month I was way deep in debt and now that I blame myself it becomes hard to trust Nigerians or any other foreign nationals because what joy do you get by lying and manipulating people? Eat or be eaten that’s the aw of the jungle and it seems this law appeals in our communities because each day we people like me fall into these scams and I can’t help but wonder why these newspapers hand them a helping hand in lying and deceiving people and then again thought to myself only money can make you do this thing. I have done and seen things that I didn’t even dream of doing or seeing but it happened some of the things that happened left me with an open wound that I struggle with each day when I wake up because till to this day I remain fearful to all that came with this love for money. This is my story it’s not so perfect because I failed myself by thinking that shortcuts can cut through anything that the heart desire but I was wrong so wrong and now I’m a living tale to those who want to listen. This foregn feeling can be about love, family, friends, work related issues because this foreign feeling doesn’t need you to make sense of things because it feeds on our mistakes.

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