Blip Wisdom
Why did I get sick? Its the same as asking why do I have brown eyes and not blue. Over thinking is a dangerous thing especially when you are confronted with your own mortality.
Nothing but fear will come of it and thats the last thing I need in my life right now.
I used to be afraid, I think its only natural to think about the future and compare your life to others even comparing your health to others in the same boat but its not something that should become a habit.
In the begining i used to think about it a lot. It was scary so I stopped. How do you stop thinking about it if your entire body is in protest. Easy. You decide not to live in the future. You live in the now. You think in the now. Everything is now. Actually none of us have a future we can die any moment, even right now as you read this you could take your last breath. This could be your last conscious seconds and I wonder what it will be. Do you really want to end it with fear or heartache. What about bitterness and regret.
Oh hell no I don't.
You decide.
I dont have to look at myself to notice the tremors, its like an invisible life force rushing through my veins, sweeping through my body with sensations I have never experienced before. If its fast it is very slight and its almost asif I am only having it deep inside in the core of my body. The worst is my head when it starts bobbing up and down my mind comes to a halt as I have to focus all attention on keeping myself from losing all control and end up hurting myself. In the begining I didn't talk much, i didn't think much either it was as if I was a blank book. A blip. Did I want to be a blip. No. Was life easier as a blip, just one question remains then. To be a blip or not? It was easier. It was easier to just accept it and stay there in that dark empty space. It was easy to just float around in my own jumbled thoughts pretending that it's okay, that im fine with being a blip. It was a foolish thought. I wasnt happy and i didnt want to be like this its not my cup of tea. I thank God for blip wisdom.
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