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An Alcoholics Game

Ladies and Gentlemen:

For those of you who do not drink alcohol. Let me warn you that names of

Beer hard liquor and mix drinks will be used in this story.

I hope you will find the story entertaining. Those of you who like to drink alcohol

may recognize some of the characters in the story.

Well now if you have not heard, Jim Beam lost a bet with Jack Daniels.

When Captain Morgan got a hold of a little more than some wild Turkey.

So, Jim decided to try his luck betting on a baseball game.

An Alcoholic’s Game

Good afternoon!

Everyone and welcome to those of you just tuning in to the first mighty major league

hall of fame baseball game. Here at Firewater Stadium in Williamsburg Virginia.

Where fans of alcohol and alcoholic fans. Have been waiting to wet their whistle.

In this fermenting feud. It is a battle of the beverages Booze versus Beer.

No matter which side your rooting for, you have only yourself to blame

For any hangover’s after the game.

I am your host Dry Martini and with me in the booth is my main man Vermouth.

Right now, walking up to the pitcher’s mound with their unique sound.

We have the C-P-K trio, Coke Pepsi & Kool-Aid. Singing a cappella the teetotalers tune,

The national anthem of refreshments


We are refreshments,

Word has gotten around,

We are refreshments,

The best thing in town!

You think of us first

To quench your thirst!

We are refreshments,

Word has gotten around

We are refreshments

The best thing in town!

You love it a lot

when we hit the spot

Let me hear everybody say


The honor of throwing out the first pitch today is Laurent Perrier,

Not a bad arm, for someone with water and Champaign to his name.

Now as the game gets underway. Taking the outfield in Green and white pinstripe uniforms

Is the Beer team. Millers, Mickey’s, Samuel Adams and Guinness with Coors on shortstop.

Fosters on first, Becks on second, and Pap’s blue ribbon on third.

On the mound ready to pitch is the brew master, Budweiser, The King of beers.

He’s only been around since 1876 and catching for the Beer team is Amstel.

Starting lineup for the Hard Liquor team wearing white uniforms with red pinstripes

is Tango Ray, Courvoisier and Remy Martin. With Hard hitting Hennessy batting cleanup.

Start of the first inning. Stepping up to the plate batting first is Mr. Gin himself Tango Ray.

A seasoned player he’s been around since 1831 one of many spirits from Scotland.

Budweiser goes through the motions he whines up, and here is the pitch…

Looks like he let loose with a lager. A fastball just barely inside for strike one.

Tango Ray didn’t even see it. But it made him flinch, the frown on Tango’s face

says he’s not happy. Budweiser smiles gets the signal he wants whines up for the pitch.

And throws a lightning Lite Ale outside for the ball one. Stepping back from home plate,

Tango takes a few practice swings confident that the next pitch will not get past him.

Stepping up to the plate tango is ready. Budweiser throws a wild fermented brew screwball,

the umpire yells strike two!! Hey! Tango! Tango turns and sees his coach standing in the dugout. Captain Morgan touch the brim of his cap and smiles at Tango, and Tango Ray smiles back. Budweiser whines up and throws a Pale Ale curveball. Tango bunts, the ball bounces halfway between home plate and first base with Tango sprinting

Like a track star makes it safe on first base. Courvoisier one of the Cognac brothers

steps up the plate ready for anything. Budweiser whines up and throws a Stout changeup.

That’s low and outside for ball one. Budweiser is ready, goes through the motions

and throws a Brown Ale slider, Courvoisier swings a loud crack of the bat.

The ball going deep right hits the wall, Courvoisier hits a double, as the skies begin to darken.

And he makes it to second base. Which put Tango Ray on third. Remy Martin comes up to bat,

One of the Cognac brothers. He’s been around since 1724 Takes a few swings and he is ready

to turn anything over the plate into a home run. Budweiser whines up for the pitch and throws a Belgian style curveball for strike one. Budweiser is in the zone. he whines up and throws a Pale Ale curveball. Remy swings and connects, the ball bounces Just short of the pitcher and over his head. Falling near second base. Beck’s catches the ball and throws it home

trying to catch Tango Ray who doubles back to third. Amstel throws to first. But Remy makes it there in time. With the bases loaded. Hard hitting Hennessey comes up to bat.

Hennessey a no-nonsense player Been around since 1765. But do not let the Frenchman fool you. Hennessey takes a few practice swings, then he points at center field,

Hennessey is a homerun hitter. He then takes his stand ready, as rain begins to sprinkle.

Standing on the mound Budweiser looks for his signal, whines up and throws a what looks like

Brown Ale Slider for strike one. Hennessey watched it go by. Budweiser whines up and throws a lightning Lager, Hennessey swings knocking it out of the ball park and into orbit.

Hard hitting Hennessey did it again. Clearing the bases with the score now 4 and 0 as

The rain begins to comes down like someone turned on the shower.

The game is on hold as people run for cover. After about a half hour of hard rain.

Mother Nature clearing the air. Slowly lets the sun part the clouds and the rain stopped.

The ground crew pull the tarps off the Field and the officials were ready to pick up the game

Right where it left off. It’s still top of the first with a score four to zip.

The players take to the field to get ball game under way. Budweiser did a few warm-up pitches and is ready to go. There are still more than a few hardcore fans in the stadium.

Sitting in stands with their umbrellas and rain gear. Just enough to let you see how full the place is. First one up to bat after the rain delay score (4-0) Is Mr. Rum himself Don Bacardi

He has been around since 1862. Budweiser goes through the motions and here’s the pitch…

It’s a stout changeup, Bacardi swings and it’s a Popfly to deep centerfield Samuel Adams is right there as it falls right into his glove for an out. This brings Moonshine Get-right up to bat.

Some people call him Hooch and a few other colorful names. If you’re not careful, Mr. Get-right can be a headache waiting to happen. Hooch is the wildcard of the team having been legalized

in most countries around the world. Moonshine who's middle name is Hooch walks

up to the Homeplate with the bat resting on his shoulder like he doesn't have a care in the world. Takes his stance waiting for the ball. Budweiser whines up and throws a Brown Ale Slider. Hooch swings and hits a ground ball to left, between second and third base.

And is picked up by Coors at shortstop, he makes the throw to first,

just barely beating Moonshine for the second out. Elijah Craig steps up to bat as

Mother Nature closes the curtains again. The sky darkens and everyone can see and hear the flash of lightning. And the loud rumble of thunder. but (Mr. Bourbon) Elijah Craig is ready.

Budweiser lets loose with a Lager Fastball. A very light mist begins to fall.

Elijah swings for the fences, strike one! Yells the umpire.

Budweiser goes through the motions and throws a Lightning Lite Ale

With a flash of lightning and crack of thunder both Mother Nature and

Elijah Craig make their intentions known. The ball is sailing deep

into left field where Millers manages to catch it for out number three.

This time Mother Nature gives us a light show, with a few bolts of lightning

and loud rumbles of thunder The rain has everyone running for cover

again, and the game is called.


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