A Smile On The Face
How many times people told her it was unfair to underestimate herself. How many times her close friend told her she was a little bit negative towards herself and her life. Fortunately for her, she did not realize how much she did and was so.
That day when she headed for school as she had usually done for a quite few years, she was wearing her neat and bleak dress with a shabby but comfortable pair of shoes. She thought it was another new day just like her previous empty days. But deep inside her she longed for something to happen. She waited for something unknown to colour her so long and all-alike days. She chased her fleeting whim and came back to herself. She had always felt an inner satisfaction and had her own preferences and convictions. She had liked the way she lived and loved her everyday stuff. She met the same faces and was always unwilling to accept any change.
School was the world she belonged to. The world of books, theories, unlived experiences, ideal life, perfect love and all the touching but untouched things. School was home for her ; she spent twice as much time as she did at home with her own family. She liked to be there and loved what she was doing.
When she was a child she used to dream of growing old enough and wise enough to understand herself and life. She had never known why she wanted to grow up as quickly as possible as if life would not wait for her. She had never known why she didn’t want to be a child. Maybe she hadn’t had a joyful childhood but she was not sure of that. What she was actually sure of was that she wanted to be a grown up woman, sensible, self-confident and wise. Books were of great help and interest in her life ; they developed her inner self, they refined her very sensitive personality and they affected the way she envisioned life. Now, she wanted to walk away from books and live her own authentic life. She wanted genuine experiences, real feelings, people in blood and flesh. No more fiction and no more perfection. Now, she was convinced to make a move towards a hidden inner self. A self that had long lived in secrecy and in the darkness of her soul very frightened from coming out to the surface.
That day, she was almost certain that something was going to happen to her. She entered her classroom and sat at her desk ready to face sixty eyes looking at her and waiting for her to start teaching.
At the beginning it was very hard : embracing books and people, dealing with what was ideal and what was real. Later, things became better and easier but still she thought that there was something missing in her life or perhaps in her. She tried to convince herself that everything was fine when a shy little girl caught her attention as she raised her hand, stood up then said in a very low voice, “ There is something you actually lack, madam”. “What is it, dear?” she asked. “A smile on the face!”.
2010
Comments