Victims suggest innocence. And innocence, by the inexorable logic that governs all relational terms, suggests guilt.
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If a square peg doesnt fit a round hole, neither the peg nor the hole is to blame. Between two people, the question whose fault is it? is the friend of argumentation and the destroyer of growth-oriented communication. Assigning blame involves listening to criticize and responding to defend, speaking to lower the other person rather than speaking to build each up. Relational progress is impossible as long as blame is the focus because blame and progress are enemies. In our litigation-hungry society we must take care that focusing on fault - which is proper for the courtroom - doesnt carry over into interpersonal relationships. The heart of loving communication is listening to understand.
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The price we pay for the complexity of life is too high. When you think of all the effort you have to put in --telephonic, technological and relational --to alter even the slightest bit of behavior in this strange world we call social life, you are left pining for the straightforwardness of primitive peoples and their physical work.
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