'And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'
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Minstrel: [singing] Bravely bold Sir Robin, rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scared to being mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his knee caps split, and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin. His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils ripped and his bottom burned off and his penis...
Sir Robin: THAT'S, that's quite enough, Minstrel.
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Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table
David Hume could out consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill
Plato they say, could stick it away
Half a crate of whiskey every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram
And Rene' Descartes was a drunken fart
'I drink, therefore I am'
Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker
But a bugger when he's pissed
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I fart your general direction...now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
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We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point. We go round every two hundred million years. And its only one of millions and billions in this amazing and expanding universe. So remember you feeling very small and insecure and how amazingly unlikely was your birth. And pray that theres intelligent life somewhere out in space. 'Cause there's bugger all down her on Earth!
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Listen, strange woman lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.
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Many businessmen fail to understand Python principles--the ultimate absurdity was an offer from America to buy the 'format' of the Python shows, that is, Monty Python without the Pythons--corporate methods do not have the conceptual framework to deal with an anarchist collective, run by intelligent and arrogant comedians who have proved that their method works.
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And now you must go into the forest and cut down the largest tree with... a herring!
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Your mother is a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries... now go away before I taunt you a second time!
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Forget about freedom, Dennis. Think more about mud.
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Who's that then?' 'I dunno, must be a king' 'Why do you say that' 'Because he hasnt got shit all over him
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Your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of elderberries.
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Always look on the bright side of life, ta dum, ta dum.
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I fart in your general direction!
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She's a witch!' 'A witch? How do you know she's a witch?' 'She turned me into a newt!' 'A newt?' '... I got better.
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None shall pass.
What?
None shall pass.
I have no quarrel with you good sir knight, but i must cross this bridge.
Then you shall die.
I command you, as Arthur King of the Britians to stand aside.
I move... for no man.
So be it!
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