Why shouldn't I work for the NSA? That's a tough one. But I'll take a shot. Say I'm workin' at the NSA and somebody puts a code on my desk, somethin' no one else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it and I'm real happy with myself cause I did my job well, but maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East and once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels are hiding, fifteen hundred people I never met, never had no problem with get killed.
Now the politicains are sayin' 'Oh send in the marines to secure the area, cause they don't give a shit, won't be their kid over there gettin' shot just like it wasn't them when their number got called cause they were all pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southy over there takin' shrapnel in the ass. He comes back to find that the plant he used to work at, got exported to the country he just got back from, and the guy that put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job cause he'll work for 15 cents a day and no bathroom breaks.
Meanwhile, he realises the only reason he was over there in the first place was so that we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price, and ofcourse the oil companies use a little skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices, a cute little ancilliary benefit for them, but it ain't helpin' my buddy at 2.50 a gallon. Their takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, of course maybe they even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martini's and fuckin' play slolum with the icebergs. It ain't to long til he hits one, spills the oil, and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic... so now my buddy's out of work, he can't afford to drive, so he's walkin' to the fuckin' job interviews which sucks cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him cronic hemroids and meanwhile, he's starvin' cause everytime he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special their serving is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State....
so what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure fuck it, while Im at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe, and join the National Guard. I could be elected President.
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Ask ten different scientists about the environment, population control, genetics and you'll get ten different answers, but there's one thing every scientist on the planet agrees on. Whether it happens in a hundred years or a thousand years or a million years, eventually our Sun will grow cold and go out. When that happens, it won't just take us. It'll take Marilyn Monroe and Lao-Tzu and Einstein and Morobuto and Buddy Holly and Aristophenes .. and all of this .. all of this was for nothing unless we go to the stars.
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Part of the reason that we scheduled them ... was to excite people in our community about college baseball. I think people are excited about it, and I think we've got a chance to have a great crowd and gain a lot of community support.
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Tank: Here you go, buddy: 'Breakfast of Champions.'
Mouse: If you close your eyes, it almost feels like you're eating runny eggs.
Apoc: Yeah, or a bowl of snot.
Mouse: Do you know what it really reminds me of? Tasty Wheat. Did you ever eat Tasty Wheat? Switch: No, but technically, neither did you.
Mouse: That's exactly my point. Exactly! Because you have to wonder: how do the machines know what Tasty Wheat tasted like? Maybe they got it wrong. Maybe what I think Tasty Wheat tasted like actually tasted like oatmeal, or tuna fish. That makes you wonder about a lot of things. You take chicken, for example. Maybe they couldn't figure out what to make chicken taste like, which is why chicken tastes like everything!
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Well I've been bound and gagged and I've been terrorized And I've been castrated and I've been lobotomized But never has my tormenter come in such a cunning disguise
I let love in I let love in [...]
So if you're sitting all alone and hear a-knocking at you door and the air is full of promises, well buddy, you've been warned Far worse to be Love's lover than the lover that Love has scorned
I let love in I let love in
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Ya know, if you treated every comic the way you treated me tonight. You would never see a bad show.
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I think Texas is a really good basketball state. We're ranked about 15th in our area. That tells you what the competition is like.
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As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices take it, or leave it.
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Remember, that of all the elements that comprise a human being, the most important, the most essential, the one that will sustain, transcend, overcome and vanquish obstacles is - Spirit!
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As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
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Three people are standing in line at a bank. The first one turns to the second and says 'Say, buddy, do you have the t-t-t-t-t-t-t-time?' The second one says nothing. This is repeated two or three time with the same result. Finally, the first man gets an open teller, does his transaction and leaves. The third man says to the second 'Hey, that wasn't very nice, why didn't you answer him?' The second says 'W-W-W-hy w-w-w-w-would I d-d-d-d-d-d-do t-t-t-that and g-g-g-get a p-p-p-p-unch in the m-m-m-m-m-outh?'
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Listen, buddy, if I could tell you in a minute what I did, it wouldn't be worth the Nobel Prize.
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Ya know, if you treat every comic the way you treated me tonight, You would never see a bad show.
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I'd love to see a park for small children in each neighborhood. I don't think that's going to happen in the next four years.
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I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing.
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Without Elvis, none of us could have made it.
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[During the 6th Annual Americana Music Conference, from September 8-10 in Nashville, an all-star] house band ... explore the linkages between social struggles, respect for fundamental rights and the recognition of personal dignity and community empowerment.
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He's lined up behind some great receivers. But every time he's had an opportunity, he's done well.
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I've never missed a gig yet. Music makes people happy, and that's why I go on doing it - I like to see everybody smile.
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I don't know how it would play out it the long run, if I were go to series with the story, I don't know. I just miss Peter so much on a personal level, that's about what I can say. He's my buddy and I wish he were around.
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