Histories make men wise poets, witty the mathematics, subtle natural philosophy, deep moral, grave logic and rhetoric, able to contend.
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Dear Signore Direttore,
Now I am a-tella you a story wot I was a-treated at your hotella.
I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London an stay as a-younga cristan man at your hotella.
When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed - how can I sleep whit no shit i my bed? So I calla down to the receptione and tella: 'I wanta shit'. They tella me: 'Go to toilet'. I say: 'No,no I wanta shit in my bed'. They say: 'You better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch'. What is sonna-wa-bitch?
I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and egga and two pissis of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and point at toast: 'I wanta piss'. She tella me: 'Go to toilet'. I say: 'I wata piss on my plate'. She then say to me: 'You'd bloody not piss on the plate, you sonna-wa-bitch'.
That is the second person who do not even know me calla me 'sonna-wa-bitch', an why is your staff replying 'Go to toilet', is that a modern tella? I do no understand, Please tella me!
Later I go for dinner in your restorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress: 'I wanta fock'. And she tella me: 'Sure, everyone wanta fock'. I say: 'No,no you dont understanda me, I wanta fock on the table'. She tella me: So you sonna-wa-bitch wanta fock on the table? Get your ass out of here!
How comma this cristian hotel tella the guest in such bad manner?
So I go to receptioneand ask for bill, I no wanta stay in this hotel no more. When I have paid the a-billa the portier say to me: 'Thank you and piss on you'. I say: 'Piss on you too, you sonna-wa-bitch, I go back to Italy'.
Direttore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you sonna-wa-bitch.
Sincerely
Dicci Elgre
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Certainly the best works, and of greatest merit for the public, have proceeded from the unmarried, or childless men.
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Fortitude is the marshal of thought, the armor of the will, and the fort of reason.
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By far the best proof is experience.
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Atheism leaves a man to sense, to philosophy, to natural piety, to laws, to reputation, all which may be guides to an outward moral virtue, though religion were not but superstition dismounts all these, and erects an absolute monarchy in the minds of men...the master of superstition is the people and arguments are fitted to practice, in a reverse order.
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Young people are fitter to invent than to judge; fitter for execution than for counsel; and more fit for new projects than for settled business.
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Age appears to be best in four things; old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read.
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Prosperity is the blessing of the Old Testament; adversity is the blessing of the New.
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Who questions much, shall learn much, and retain much.
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Whosoever is delighted in solitude is either a wild beast or a god.
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There is no comparison between that which is lost by not succeeding and that which is lost by not trying.
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The place of justice is a hallowed place.
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Certainly virtue is like precious odours, most fragrant when they are incensed or crushed: for prosperity doth best discover vice; but adversity doth best discover virtue.
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Read not to contradict and confute…nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider.
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I had rather believe all the Fables in the Legend, and the Talmud, and the Alcoran, than that this universal frame is without a Mind.
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She gave up eating pork three years ago, despite her proud pork-loving, half-Cuban heritage, because she was told pigs share the same mental capacity as 3-year-old children. 'My niece was 3 at the time, which is a magical age,' she said, horrified. 'I thought, Oh, my god, it's like eating my niece!' This, then, also put an end to her preferred hangover cure: Egg McMuffins with Canadian bacon, natch, and beer.
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The worst solitude is to have no real friendships.
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A good director creates an environment, which gives the actor the encouragement to fly.
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We are much beholden to Machiavel and others, that write what men do, and not what they ought to do.
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The subtlety of nature is greater many times over than the subtlety of the senses and understanding.
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For those who intend to discover and to understand, not to indulge in conjectures and soothsaying, and rather than contrive imitation and fabulous worlds plan to look deep into the nature of the real world and to dissect it -- for them everything must be sought in things themselves.
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A man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green.
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Books must follow sciences, and not sciences books.
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A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.
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Write down the thoughts of the moment. Those that come unsought for are commonly the most valuable.
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Houses are built to live in, and not to look on: therefore let use be preferred before uniformity.
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They that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils.
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A bachelor's life is a fine breakfast, a flat lunch, and a miserable dinner.
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Antiquities are history defaced, or some remnants of history which have casually escaped the shipwreck of time.
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