Writing and Attention

Often I find myself in a mini twister-- looking back and forth to see who is paying attention to my writing. It is a little weird. But art has this underlying ego embedded within.  Tell me what I ache to hear. That I am doing something worthwhile. According to Charlotte Kasl this is a false view that just cycles around hopelessly. The true motivation to be worthwhile is to prove that we are not worthless. The insatiable web that spins and spins. 

Once the first silken thread is spun of a worthwhile endeavor to write--a queasiness pervades. The upset to label our work as "good". A validation must be had, and in today's instant post, it should be had--immediately. Once again the need for attention grabs at my soul. Notice how these words mix I beg. It is the begging that feels awkward. It is an attachment to a validation that I should not need. A worthless quality evades. See how ridiculous it all becomes. Alas.

The irony is I will stare right back at this computer screen to see if you did pay attention to this inane blog on attention. I hold back from entering contests or even posting new works. Sometimes I don't even know why I write? Many of our mentors had to work so much harder to even have someone read his or her work. Am I worthy? Again I take a deep breathe and see the sticky web I have rolled myself up in. There is another depth of motivation to write that is not an ego fishing trip. And I set out to find it.