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Eileen Manassian Biography

I guess you could say I'm a citizen of the world. I've traveled....and I've lived parts of my life in Iran, Lebanon, the US, and Cyprus. I am proud of my Armenian heritage. I was born in Tehran, Iran and soon after that, my family went to the States for my dad to work on his MA degree and many years later, to work on his Ed.D. I have a lot of the Middle East and the West in me, and at times....I feel confused about my identity. I do, however, cling to my Armenian roots and am outspoken about recognition by the world of the Armenian Genocide that took place over 100 years ago.

Since my parents had no common language, the language spoken in our home was English. Yes, I am most fluent in English, and I think, dream, and converse in that language, though I do speak 5 other languages to varying degrees! :)

I am melancholy/sanguine by nature and feel everything very keenly. My highs are SUPER HIGH...and my lows...SUPER LOW! I guess you could say...I'm INTENSE. I'm passionate about poetry to the point of obsession.

The events that have colored my life are the death of my mother due to MS and the war in Lebanon. As a child, it was hard for me to come to grips with the fact that my mother was ill, and to see her go from being a vibrant, well-loved teacher to a wheelchair bound, isolated woman was a very harrowing experience. I do believe, though, that there is a resurrection day and that, by His grace, I will see my Mama fully restored...free of wheelchair, able to sing, laugh, and smile again. The war in Lebanon...bombs landing all around, nights spent in bomb shelters.. has also scarred me to some degree.

What I'm most proud of? That would be my daughter...Shereen Natalie Ghali. She is the light of my life. Her name in Farsi means SWEET! :)

Currently, I teach English at Middle East University in Beirut, Lebanon. Poetry Soup has been a haven for me....most of the time! ;) I've developed amazing friendships here that are very genuine and real. My dream is to one day have my name on a volume of poetry! One can always dream....Thank you for making the effort to get acquainted. God bless!

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I Wish I Could Give Him..

Blog Posted by Eileen Manassian: 8/12/2014 8:49:00 AM

A story is told of Ryoken, the zen master, who lived a humble life in a cottage on a hill. One evening, while he was out visiting, a robber entered his home hoping to find something of value. He searched in vain...there was nothing there worth stealing. Just then, the zen master entered and found the theif. Seeing his empty hands, he said, "My friend, you have come a long way to visit me. I cannot let you leave empty handed." Without another word, he took off the clothes he was wearing and placed them in the robber's hands, who then slunk away in shame.

That night, the naked Zen master sat cross legged on his porch, looking up at the full moon. He sighed as he thought of his visitor earlier that night. Musingly he said, "Oh, how I wish I could give him this beautiful moon."

Contentment is an illusive thing. Ambition drives us to achieve, to succeed, to attain....money, wealth, happiness. When will we learn that the most beautiful things in life have no price tags.

I'm very sad today because I learned of the death of Robin Williams. What a man...I loved that guy! Such depth of character...such versatility...such pure genius....such...unhappiness masked behind the smiles. He was not content though he had it all, in a sense. What eluded him? What was it? The moon still is in the sky...the stars still twinkle...the sun still shines...Was it lack of love? Was he unable to love himself? Unable to see the inner beauty? Depression is a terrible thing. I know. I struggle with it. I know the feelings of...."One more day is just too hard to endure"....Thus, sustance abuse...to medicate the pain...

Contentment...where does it come from? Any ideas? Any thoughts? Anything you could have told Robin before he he deprived himself of the breath of life? Share with me....Tell me...It may help me one day...

A Bible verse that has touched me often...comes from my favorite Bible author, Paul, a man whom I LONG to meet one day and spend hours and hours with....

"For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹²I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³I can do all this through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:11 - 13). NIV

Was that the answer to give to Robin? Faith...in a super power? In himself? Is that too simplistic an answer? Talk to me....

Robin, I wish I could give you....this beautiful moon!

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Kabuteng P.Ink
K.

Date: 8/17/2014 3:10:00 AM

Haha like what I am doing now, being back here since I am not content with what I am saying here, thus the slew of replies-- what I want to convey eludes me. Doink. I might even go back and add more here, yikes. What I am saying I guess is contentment probably should come from within. Maybe most of the time, we are looking the wrong way? Outwards rather than inwards? It may seem external, go beyond ourselves to get it, since we raise our expectations high with what we want to attain, and that we go by with how others view our successes...going higher and higher, and we run that risk of losing ourselves, of forgetting that contentment should be rooted. That's what I think anyway. Thank you for letting me babble here, I love blogs that make me ponder and think, I just run the risk of saying too much and I probably don't even make sense most of the time. Oops.

Eileen Manassian
Date: 8/17/2014 4:36:00 AM

hi, sweetie. I was out. Back now to read this. This is only so much you can convey here, my dear. I am an idealist, but that gives pain...Being a realist, also brings pain. I remember losing myself a while back when I learned of what most publishers want in poetry...It's not me. It will never be me. Did that squash my dream? Yes, it did. Took me a long while to get over it. Have you seen the movie Amadeus with Tom Hulce? I'm Salieri in the movie. Wanting, craving the genius of Mozart...for it is pure genius...composing at five, and yet I stand at the outskirts...churning out...what pales in comparison, yet I have the passion burning in me. Do you know what that does to a soul? I've become a realist, my dear. I will never change the world...it hurts, but I will survive. Thanks for giving me food for thought. Hugs

Kabuteng P.Ink
K.

Date: 8/17/2014 2:07:00 AM

I think for Robin, that pressure was too much? Being a celebrity, there was this certain expectation of him and multiply that and add the other issues in his life, personal and in his work and it could mean too much weight on himself that he couldn't carry... I think contentment for him was even more elusive, since he wasn't only being content for himself, but for his audience. Oftentimes, I think contentment can be a relative & tricky thing.

Kabuteng P.Ink K.
Date: 8/17/2014 2:38:00 AM

Ok, I am not claiming to be an expert on anything, but I am saying it how I see it, I might even deviate...Hope you don't mind if I use you for an example...You write with such passion, and that in itself makes you a wonderful writer, because not all can transcend those feelings in their words. You have set this bar high for yourself, so contentment for you, as a writer, eludes you. And I think that can be a good thing to a certain level-- since you push yourself to write better, and try to soar and hopefully you are satisfied with what you write. As you say, you are so affected with how others view your work-- but if you remove that factor, say, nobody reads your work (just an example)-- are you content with what you write?

Kabuteng P.Ink K.
Date: 8/17/2014 2:30:00 AM

No, not silly at all and I think it does make sense, of how contentment can be proportional to how much you have invested in something. But see how you speak of yourself, Eileen: "I'm a mediocre writer"... I don't think so. Of the relatively few poems that I have read of yours, I think you are so much more, you manage to evoke feelings in your readers-- but then again, how you classify yourself is multi-layered -- would that be from a technical perspective, or an emotional one for example. I can go on and on. cont'd

Eileen Manassian
Date: 8/17/2014 2:17:00 AM

That is true, my dear. For Robin, his work defined him. I know this will sound very silly to you....It depends on how much you invest in something. I'm a mediocre writer, but poetry is my life...what people think of my work and poems can make me very discontent...It is a dream that I have...My last dream for others have died along the way. I'm profoundly affected by how people view my work. Robin had to entertain, but happy, make others forget their worries...a heavy burden to bear when you someone to do that for you, Yes?

Kabuteng P.Ink
K.

Date: 8/17/2014 1:59:00 AM

Until now, there's this certain weight and sadness that falls on me, when I think of him-- the reactions of people everywhere, shows how much he was able to touch so many people. I think we see ourselves in him, identify with him on different levels. Nobody deserves to feel so alone. The story that you share here is so beautiful and gives me much to ponder on, somehow for me, it also gives a certain reflection of how we have these regrets, especially after people are gone, of wanting to give them so much more than what we have given them. Sorry if I'm so wordy here and I haven't even gotten to the part of contentment-- told ya I ramble!

Kabuteng P.Ink K.
Date: 8/17/2014 2:24:00 AM

And you know what? Through it all, together with her amazing neurosurgeon, it was her faith in God that I think kept her alive...she turned 69 the day after her surgery.

Kabuteng P.Ink K.
Date: 8/17/2014 2:23:00 AM

Oh ummm. you don't know what you are asking for, Eileen, when you say that I keep it up with my rambling, you might regret it, haha! We all have our masks, don't we? And yes, depression can be such a sly thing, since sometimes, one can't even point out what triggers it, it just comes. You are right, it is complex. And one does what they can to at fight it, or at the very least, not fall in too deep to the point of suicide. You are brave and strong, for continuously trying to get up-- yes living faith can indeed help, paired with loving people around us. I am in awe with people like you, have have such strong faith in God, who never lose hope. My mom, has had her bouts with depression, and with the other physical struggles that would have killed others (her most recent ones would be excising her brain tumors, almost 1 year now) She had 2 brain surgeries in 2 years to take out 3 brain tumors. Aside from a slew of others operations.

Eileen Manassian
Date: 8/17/2014 2:05:00 AM

I'm am rambler too...Please, keep it up. I'm all for conversation. Yes...Robin has so affected me because I laugh behind the tears. I deal with depression and there are times...well, what can I tell you? I've been there. The pain is sometimes so deep...the sense of abandonment and hopelessness profound. You think the world would be better off without you...It's very complex, but I do know that a living faith helps. People say religion is a drug...Well, we are all sick...in a sense, and if drugs can medicate...why not? Prayer does help...Knowing someone is praying for you...Reading the WORD does help. God never intended for there to be pain or death...Jesus said he came to give us life and life to the full. Eternal life guaranteed, but this life embellished. He knows we are dust...and he is merciful...even to those who feel they can't go on.

Kabuteng P.Ink
K.

Date: 8/17/2014 1:51:00 AM

I'm sorry I missed commenting on this very thoughtful blog of yours, Eileen. But I sure am glad to read this. Just last night, my mom was saying how she still thought of Robin, and wondered whether faith in God could have helped him see through his depression. I myself have wondered about what could have been going on inside him. I think so many of us have been affected not only with his death, but of how he died. I really don't want to judge, but what niggled at me was, where were his loved ones?? Didn't they see? Why was there nobody to catch him fall? There were signs, why weren't they more vigilant? I think it was so sad and unfair, for someone who shared so much joy, to die so sadly

Kabuteng P.Ink K.
Date: 8/17/2014 3:15:00 AM

Yes, it is definitely a shame (& so maddening) when there is a refusal to understand-- there is a saying here, "Mas mahirap gisingin ang taong gising kaysa sa tulog"-- something like "It is harder to wake up somebody who is really awake yet pretending to sleep, than those who are really sleeping" and that song, definitely touches the heart.

Eileen Manassian
Date: 8/17/2014 2:20:00 AM

And a shame when they refuse to understand...denial. In this part of the world...mental illness is a taboo subject to discuss. If you seek professional help...that means you are crazy. In religious circles, it is also difficult...for it seems to suggest something about your connection with God...it being faulty. I've become more outspoken on this subject because it pains me that no one understands... :( Starry Starry Night...the song about Van Gogh...makes me cry every time. "But I could have told you, Vincent, the world was never meant for one as beautiful as you." Sensitive souls have it hard, my dear. Hugs

Kabuteng P.Ink K.
Date: 8/17/2014 2:12:00 AM

I agree with you about suicide not being a denial of God's power-- I think it is more of a hopelessness, the ultimate disappointment with yourself that leads some people to want to end their lives? A loss of purpose can also be another and yes, with so many other factors aside from that, with as you say, chemical imbalances... there is so much more to it than I can understand... it's just truly a shame when others fail to see those warning signs

Kabuteng P.Ink K.
Date: 8/17/2014 2:06:00 AM

Wait I will reply here-- I am just a slowpoke, lol...

Eileen Manassian
Date: 8/17/2014 1:59:00 AM

Yes...I've questioned the family as well. Usually someone who goes through with suicide has given warning signs...it could be an issue of "cry wolf" one time too many. They think it's a bluff. :( Yes...that could be it. Who knows, my dear. Faith in God...perhaps he had it. How are we to know? Suicide is not the ultimate denial of God and his power. It is an expression of a troubled mind no longer able to reason....It could be a physical imbalance of chemicals that the brain needs...it could be emotionally based. It need not be spiritual failure always. I don't know....something to think about. Thanks ever so much for posting. Hugs

Charmaine
Chircop

Date: 8/14/2014 7:06:00 PM

What would I tell to Robin Williams if I could have told him anything before His pain,troubles ended his life.I would tell him,'Think of one reason in life,one special moment,one special person,life is worth living for ,life is a battle worth fighting for-live,and let me love you,let me love that sensitive person who gave so much to me,its your payback time.,Feel loved'.Do you feel unloved,alone,lets talk about it,and if you don't feel like talking,I just stay with you in silence,I am.here'. I guess the only true sentence would be 'Find one reason you must live for' and Jesus loves you'

Eileen Manassian
Date: 8/14/2014 9:47:00 PM

Oh Charmaine...you are so so sweet. Payback time. I so like that. Givers often give until they are completely empty....and that, unfortunately, is too late for some. Love your post, my sweet. Have a great day. Hugs

Debbie
Guzzi

Date: 8/13/2014 10:25:00 PM

Yes many of us suffer this way - and I think you have something when you say we need to love ourselves, consider ourselves as valuable as we might consider someone else? until then we can not truly be whole

Eileen Manassian
Date: 8/14/2014 9:45:00 PM

Words of wisdom, Debbie...Jesus did say, "Love your neighbor...AS YOURSELF!" Self love is essential for survival. Thanks for passing by...Hugs

Andrea
Dietrich

Date: 8/13/2014 4:36:00 PM

Eileen, I watched a half hour show last night that explored this topic. I had no idea, but I guess he was experiencing some financial problems. His new series, that aired last year for one season, got canceled. I had rather liked it too. He had had heart surgery, something like that, several years ago. And they say it also adds to depression. Just as I had guessed, he was bi-polar. A lovely girl in my church, only 23, shot herself last year and she was a bi-polar sufferer. My ex brother in-law laid down by the oven and killed himself , he was bi-polar. It's a terrible condition to have. I guess we can't judge anyone till we walk in their shoes.

Eileen Manassian
Date: 8/13/2014 4:39:00 PM

Hi Andrea....there was a time I was worried that I might be bi-polar. The mania side...doesn't always play out with me, but...there is something there for sure. I'm on anti-depressants and feel keenly for those who suffer from metal disorders. I'm no longer ashamed to talk about it. The mind is an organ, just like any other...I feel with troubled minds because...the can produce so much beauty out of the pain...Robin a case in point. Do you know the story of the cracked water pot? Andrea...EVERY TIME...it makes me cry! Will blog about it soon. Thanks for the visit. Hugs

Robert
Lindley

Date: 8/13/2014 9:27:00 AM

Greatest thing one can give is the message of hope in Christ. Our lives here are as fleeting mists that vanish in mere seconds. Robin Williams lived his life and because of a tragic illness(depression) ended it too soon. He left his mark, his gift and we that live can still accept that and celebrate his giving!

Eileen Manassian
Date: 8/13/2014 9:33:00 AM

Of course, you are right, Robert. For in Him we live and move and have our being...though some don't acknowledge that. Depression is a monster....I've written extensively on this subject. It resonates within my soul. Sometimes clinical depression goes further than prayers...it needs medical intervention. Thanks for your lovely post. Hugs

Harry
Horsman

Date: 8/12/2014 10:00:00 AM

Do we all look for fame? fame tells us reach indeed the top of the mountain,,from then on it is all down hill....maybe the answer is how we handle it,,,Robin Williams gave the world himself, but left himself without a world, depression a sickness that paints illusions, he will be missed, Eileen,, in fact already i miss him

Eileen Manassian
Date: 8/12/2014 10:21:00 AM

Yes, Harry....I don't know if I can watch any movie he starred in now...It's so sad. Your words are full of wisdom, my dear. Givers don't know where to draw the lines...if they keep giving without receiving something to nurture their own souls...the results will be tragic. Thanks ever so much for visiting, my dear! Hugs

Richard
Lamoureux

Date: 8/12/2014 9:22:00 AM

I play a game with myself, I find at least one thing to look forward too in each coming day yet at the same time do my best to live in the moment today. For the most part it works well.

Eileen Manassian
Date: 8/12/2014 9:26:00 AM

:) Glad to know it, Richard. I want you to always be happy. You are a wonderful person and you deserve the best. God bless, my dear. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and for visiting the blog. You did ask for me to tell you when I have a new one up! Thanks for being there for me...