Sad
I was 16 at the time
Love was plastered on my mind
Never knew love from a man
My daddy walked right out our lives
Never looking back, you know
He made himself a family
Big house and fancy cars
With a daughter named her Amonique
And see I….I was searching for that life
My mother was on crack
And she’d be busy by the night
But that’s how we made our money
See you’re judging, that aint right
No I wasn’t proud
But I accept it – it's my life
Now I met this boy one day
He told me I was beautiful
“I wonder if he means it”
There I go again – delusional
He had me touching topics
And my walls were tearing down with him
Vibrations in his words
I heard him clearly while he’s whispering
He said “what you’ll do for me?”
Name it that’s what I will be
I thought I was in love
I swear I thought this boy was meant for me
Lyrically gifted
His words were firmly scripted
He knew just what to say and how to say it
Kept me lifted
He undressed me with his mind
Penetrated what was pure
He told me I was his
Nothing less and nothing more
“you’re special” – so he said
“I love you” – well ok
You don’t leave the ones you love
You make it work
You make them stay
Now I got his junior
Mom is disappointed
But you never thought to raise me
In the image of a woman?
As you can see I have a choice
My life has now been tailor-made
Should I keep this ball of life
Or send him back to where he came?
*pause*
I kept him
I dropped out of school
Its either him or the books
This life thing is cruel
Making money as I took
My friends – they were disgusted
The teachers – they looked down on me
I was battling depression
Suicidal thoughts were killing me
Word they used were murderous
Took some bullets now immune
If I never hear those words again
I’d still say its too soon
Figuratively I’m torn
What you know about a whore?
What you know about a slut
Talking bout keep my legs shut
Do you know what it feels like
To be throwing dirt on my name
Im human and I hurt too
Not excluded from the pain
I cry on lonely days
Shed a tear when there’s a crowd
Im breaking down all by myself
I don’t know who’s still around
I don’t know who wouldn’t judge me
Who’d be here by tomorrow
Who’d love me in conditions where
My soul is numb and hollow
I'm 28
You just made 12
Yes I love you dearly
And were happy
All is well
It was never meant to happen
But I never say “regret”
Count my blessing by the boatload
Count today and then reset
Copyright © Shabana Hunte | Year Posted 2019
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