Today
Today the boy who sexually abused me got married.
I.
I got to spend the day feeling like the contents of my overfilled stomach were going to cascade out of me.
I got to spend the day glued to my screen, pretending I wasn’t feeling guilty, disgusting and a failure.
I got to spend the day hoping to catch even a glimpse that his bride left him. To hope she saw the light.
I spent the day feeling physically and mentally nauseous at my inability to speak about it.
I spent the day convincing myself that it really wasn’t that bad, perhaps I overreacted. She would be fine.
Whilst he married the ‘love of his life’, I convinced myself that one day I too would be loved enough.
The broken carcass of my soul would be good enough for somebody.
Today.
My sexual abuser got married.
Copyright © Hannah Smith | Year Posted 2018
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