You knock now
Father
I miss you
I wish we were close
You're not that far,
we're in the same house
We eat dinner together
We converse by silence,
You smile at me, fill the space
with jokes and love
That we both know I won't respond to.
But we pretend, we all do,
That we are a happy family.
Like I don't just act like you don't exist.
You were the quiet storm,
I remember watching the ashes of
my favourite teddy bear
That you set fire to, behind my back.
Good thinking,
I didn't scream with tears or
Make a scene
I quietly told myself
'That's impossible'.
Maybe it wasn't just the stuffed animal
You knew to burn.
You burnt our connection too.
This time again, I didn't cry.
I swallowed my sadness and
Painted dreams on denial.
Denial that you're not my home.
That you're not the void inside me.
I waited, looking at you
through the window of hope
With the doors wide open.
You didn't come.
I quietly locked it from inside.
I stopped waiting.
And then the city drowned,
The soft rain now summoning floods.
You knock on the door,
Desperate and helpless.
You try to break in, kick it open.
It doesn't budge.
The city drowns under.
Copyright © Aiswarya V J | Year Posted 2025
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