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One conversation

One conversation was all we could get out
Now It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to you,
More like I couldn’t.
You see,
Without you, I can’t stay sober

Without you, I’m a mess
Without you
Im slowly driving myself insane.
Without you.
I’m an addict.

One conversation.
This one conversation was random.
See we’d not talked in weeks,
But that one conversation.
I don’t remember much,
Except that it felt the same as it used to,
But instead of love and happiness, there was pain and heartbreak.

One conversation.
You told me you’d call me again, tomorrow.
Well, probably.
But your probablies were never probable.
I knew what you really meant.

One conversation.
One conversation we’ll never have.
You see this probably was different,
This probably wasn’t meant to make me happy,
Us happy.

It was a probably meant to make me stay awake at night,
Waiting for your call.
Eventually I got tired of waiting and even called you instead.
I know, crazy.
So I called, waiting for a reply.
You never answered.
Maybe you were busy?
I’ll wait even longer, no worries.

It’s late now,
My head feels foggy, Too foggy to think straight.
I’m crying?

I think I know why you said probably now.
But it doesn’t matter why,
Because you knew you didn’t mean probably, 
but you like the control you have over me more than you like me. 

One conversation,
One I’ll always wait for.
One conversation that may never happen.

Copyright © Kendall Douglass | Year Posted 2025

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Book: Reflection on the Important Things