The street lights flicker like they can't decide whether to stay or leave, just like me
The quiet cityscape witnessed us walking down the lane, side by side. Our footsteps were in sync but our breath didn't care about the rhythm. I was breathing slowly inhaling the oxygen meant for me, while counting the CO2 molecules I exhaled. I found your breath unsettling, maybe your heart was racing too. You were looking down at the streets, at the space between our hands to be precise, while I didn’t know what to say anymore. Your silent expectations were burdening me down, screaming at me to intertwine our fingers, to hold your hand, once again. You won't understand, it was costing me a lot to hold back. It scares me to hope again just like a seed waiting for a kiss from the first rain. The moon was following us, subtly enough not to get caught. We acknowledge its lingering presence above us but we chose to keep walking. It had started drizzling by then, with a sudden calmness just like the one before a wild storm. You held my hand, running towards the bus stop, afraid I'd catch a cold. Something chimed in me, knowing that you still care and unknowingly I reciprocated it too. We stood there waiting for the bus or maybe the right time to speak. The tranquil silence became deafening. You broke the silence. “Yesterday, I dreamt of you.” I fixed the silence again with just a ‘hm’. Seeing it as a signal to continue, after a brief moment, you voiced “We were by the sea, you were in a blue dress holding a bouquet of forget me nots. I remember they are your favourites.” You looked at me searching for an answer but I was looking at the streetlights opposite to us. They were dancing and flickering with every word you pronounced, contemplating whether to stay or to leave - just like me. You called out my name, breaking the chain of thoughts strangling me. It sounded so different than before, as if it was just a forgotten word in the dictionary and never my name. I still answered “ I wonder where the blue dress is right now, maybe I donated it” “but–” “and I love tulips now”. You realized something and spoke with calmness, “ You've changed”. The words I dreaded to hear the most, were now rising a storm within me just as I anticipated moments ago. I wanted to explain and justify myself but it was too late now. The bus was already there, waiting for me like a grim reaper. I boarded the bus, while you started walking away without a goodbye. Although you never looked back, I kept watching you from the window. I wanted to call out your name and invite you for a bus ride with me, but the seat next to me was already taken. Somewhere it felt as if I was moving on, leaving you behind to dwell in our past. The street lights flickered for the last time, as you retraced the path we came through while I left the city for a new destination.
Copyright © Annwesha Roy | Year Posted 2026
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