First Wife
In front of the mirror I stare at my face. My cracks and my lines, tell me I'm fine.
I look back at him, and think of our time. His cracks and his lines, all look just like mine.
Together we age, we're on the same page. Worked hard to survive, in marriage we thrive.
I think about death, I think about life. He's been here before, he had a first wife.
It happened so fast, so long in the past. At age 24, a husband no more.
Working hard in the night, he knew she took flight. Out looking to run, out looking for fun.
Alone with their child, she went to run wild. Not a thought in her mind, her world left behind.
Out of his sight, one cold winter night. Away from her home, her spirit did roam.
A wreck was in sight, a car with no lights. Crossed into her lane, they told of no pain.
A fast tear he shed, for the life that they led. He looks to move on, now that she's gone.
He kissed her goodbye, he promised to try. A good dad he will be, to their child just three.
People see what they want, don't know of his story. His wife was so young, she got all of the glory.
The daughter just three, a mom she can't see. Acts out due to fright, mom gone in the night.
A family so bold, false stories are told. A great mom they all say, no talk of her play.
Two years have gone by, the family not shy. They keep looking back, ignoring the fact.
The first wife long gone, he's finally moved on. A new wife in sight, I bring him new light.
We're moving ahead, his family they dread. The new wife they hate, the first wife was great.
Rose glasses they wear, no pretending to care. The feelings they share, so hard to bear.
Always feeling the sting, I look at my ring. Always feeling the burn, his head he will turn.
Always looking away, but he wants me to stay. He loves his new life, he loves his new wife.
My thoughts are a riot, it's hard to stay quiet. How long will this last? His ghost from the past.
Who cares what they think, who cares of the stink? He sees nothing wrong, with their feelings so strong.
I seek their approval, they look for removal. Everyone is still sad, it makes me so mad.
I try to be strong, I try to belong. I try to pretend, I try to fit in.
I can't tell you why, sad tears they still cry. Why can't they move on, and let her be gone?
I cry in my sleep, my feelings hurt deep. Thick skin I will grow, no bother I show.
I smile and I grin, don't tell of her sins. I knew her before, the wife of no more.
I called her a friend, but not at the end. Always wanting to stray, she got in my way.
I know things they don't. Things I won't share. Not even with him, I don't even dare.
No care for her life, hated being his wife. Hated being his lover, had eyes for another.
Never cared about strangers, no worry for dangers. She loved to be seen, always sought to be queen.
In front of the mirror I stare at his face. He's made me a home, he's made me a place.
20 years have gone by, the time it did fly. His family is glad, don't treat me so bad.
Thoughts still on their mind, but further behind. I came to belong, I came to be strong.
His daughter now grown, with one of her own. A granddaughter I see, a child just three.
She looks like the first, she shares her moms thirst. For love and for life, now too a young wife.
But I raised her as mine, so she's doing just fine. She thinks just like me, stays safe and aware. Has love for her life, and always takes care.
Good stories I told, from the memories I hold, of the mom she once had, of her time with her dad.
I give her the glory, don't tell of the story, of a cold winter night, and of mom out of sight.
Copyright © Tammie Swinehart | Year Posted 2019
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