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Wayne Mac Poem
Coco the clown went sailing one day
to a holiday destination far far away
Suddenly, the sky went dark and the wind did blow
and the waves beneath his boat did grow and grow
Coco lost his oars as the winds blew and blew
and he paddled his way with a size 50 shoe
Through his telescope he saw an island far away in the distance
and he made it to shore with his skill and persistence
A group of locals met him as he sailed onto land
with necklace of bones and spears in hands
They carried off Coco to a waiting stock pot
with vegetables and seasoning and water boiling hot
Poor Coco the clown was simmered to perfection
they shared out the meat after careful dissection
They sat down to dine and after having a chew
one said to the other “does this clown taste funny to you?”
Copyright © Wayne Mac | Year Posted 2018
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Wayne Mac Poem
At the end of the world where the sea meets the sky,
there's a small strip of land where the mermaids lie.
Where they chit and they chat, or play and have fun,
and top up their tan in the midday sun.
Now it's rare to see a mermaid, and you may never again,
so to see a whole shoal is a rareness x 10.
But this is what happened, or so it is told,
to a young keen explorer both handsome and bold.
When sailing alone he encountered a storm,
his boat then capsized, he was stranded, forlorn.
For day after day he sat atop of his hull,
until at last he was visited by a sizable seagull.
He thought; "Land must be near, of that I am sure,
for a seagull this fat can't be far from a shore"
Suddenly, beside him did a mermaid appear,
she said; "I'm here to save you, so please do not fear"
"Climb on my back and I'll take you to land"
and a short swim later his feet were on sand.
Swimming before him was a sea full of beauties,
he'd never seen cuties with fins on their booties.
With their flawless skin and long flowing hair,
and sunkissed bodies so tanned and so bare.
The mermaid said; "My name is Christina-or
Queen Tina for short,
and my sisters and I welcome you to our shores"
"I am called Tim" replied the hansome young chap,
"But I did not see your island marked on any a map."
"We've lived here for centuries in quiet seclusion,
and saved the life of the odd shipwrecked human.
My sister's and I will cater your needs,
we'll make a tent of a tree and a bed of seaweeds".
The explorer thought he could get use to this
and began to forget she was half-woman half-fish.
In fact, young Timmy was falling in love,
as they slept on the beach with the night stars above.
They fed him on wine and the finest of food,
and Tim grew from a slim to a tubby young dude.
His shirt was now stretching, his trousers were tight,
he put on pound after pound with each bite after bite.
Months had gone by and tubby Timmy was bored,
day after day living life as a Lord.
He was missing his life of sailing and discovering,
of finding lost treasures and new lands exploring.
He told the Queen one day of his needs and his yearns,
not surprisingly the Queen understood his concerns.
she said; "I could see you were sad and exceedingly glum,
and I thought that this day would eventually come."
We'll build you a boat, a raft or canoe,
and to say our goodbyes we'll throw a bit of a do".
So a bonfire was lit and each mermaid did bring,
food and drink and got the party in full swing.
They bathed fat Timmy in octopus ink,
he thought to himself "this doesn't half stink."
They then rubbed his body in garlic and honey,
Timmy thought this was strange and not finding it funny.
The Queen then declared "sisters-let us sit down to eat"
The Cook asked her Queen "how would you like your meat?"
The Queen replied;
"I like my human slow-cooked on a griddle,
crisp on the outside and pink in the middle!"
Copyright © Wayne Mac | Year Posted 2018
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Wayne Mac Poem
"Fattening up time" the wall calendar read
which meant only one thing to old farmer Ted
Christmas was coming and there's money to be made
you see the bigger the bird the more he'd be paid
He'd saved up all year and bought high quality feed
to ensure that his flock was the best he could breed
So this year Ted's turkeys would be the tastiest in town
and the best biggest birds would bring more bucks per pound
Last Christmas one turkey was the luckiest bird
You see she was too small to be sold, so her death was deferred
and being the braniest of birds ever born on the farm
meant she could outsmart farmer Ted instead of coming to harm
Whilst Farmer Ted fed her friends to fatten the flock
she counted her calories to avoid the chopping block
And as Ted's children had played, their fondness had grown
for "Tiny Tina the turkey", as she was affectionately known
This year she told other turkeys of why they were bred
"they'll feed you and fatten you and then cut off your head
and then stuff and roast you and on you they'll be fed"
The head turkey was horrified and asked "what could they do"
"should we run and hide or hold a farmyard coup?"
"Don't worry" replied Tina "I've hatched a plan so daring"
"I'm convinced it won't fail cos I've spent the last year preparing"
So she told the turkeys her plan of what she had devised
"We'll fool the farmer this year by going disguised"
"I've collected wool from the sheep for the perfect scam
and made us costumes to wear as part of my plan
to avoid the oven this year if disguised as a lamb"
Next day the farmer was up with the cracking of dawn
and couldn't believe what he saw as he stepped out on his lawn
No turkeys in sight, he could see none around
and after searching his farm, none could be found
He stood in his farmyard scratching his beard
wondering how all his turkeys could have just disappeared
and why were his lambs walking with a waddle?
and instead of a bleat they spoke with a gobble!
Copyright © Wayne Mac | Year Posted 2018
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Wayne Mac Poem
I saw her standing on a crowded train,
a beautiful face and a perfect frame.
With oriental features and flawless skin,
was this superficial or was there beauty within?
She caught me looking and to my surprise,
she smiled and looked directly into my eyes.
I felt transfixed and my heart took flight,
is this what they mean by 'love at first sight'?
As the train slowly emptied we drew together,
I said 'hello' and I mentioned the weather.
We alighted the train and continued to chat,
we talked about interests and this and that.
We both skipped work and went to a cafe,
I think she had a mochaccino and I had a latte.
She gave me her number and I did the same,
the more that we talked the closer we came.
We left holding hands and arranged a date,
that very same night, we just couldn't wait.
And as we parted we embraced and kissed,
I found that her presence I already missed
Later that evening we went for a walk,
then sat in a bar and continued to talk.
I kissed her goodnight at her front door,
not presuming to think that I expected more.
She asked if I'd like to come in for a drink,
her flat smelled of roses and everything pink.
We opened some wine and continued to chat,
we flirted and kissed by the fire in her flat.
She said as child she was always neglected,
feeling unloved, alone and rejected.
Unfortunately her family didn't understand,
and that's why she left her home in Thailand.
Taking my hand she led me to her bed,
with feelings of lust and wine in my head.
She lowered her dress and I stood to erection,
her exquisite shape and flawless perfection.
She removed her bra her breasts stood proud,
removing her undies she then turned around.
I sat in amazement, my mind ran amok,
instead of a ladygarden she had a huge ....
Copyright © Wayne Mac | Year Posted 2017
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Wayne Mac Poem
Long long ago there once lived a King
who wished that a child the stork would bring.
He and his Queen were very sad
at the thought of an heir that they never had.
The Queen walked beside the sea one night
when a talking fish gave her a fright.
It said “soon your wish will come to pass
and you, my Queen, shall bear a lass”
So the King and Queen did have an heir
a beautiful daughter whose skin was so fair .
The King would rather have had a boy
but he still held a feast to prove his joy
He invited his friends to attend a ball,
along with the fairies who lived in the wall.
At the end of the feast each fairy did give,
the Princess a gift with which she could live.
One gave her virtue, another gave gold,
the third gave her beauty which would never grow old .
The Queen told the Princess a bedtime tale,
of Princesses and heroes where love would prevail.
A naughty boy who was turned into a hog,
and a kiss that made a Prince of a toad or a frog.
The Princess had led a sheltered life
and the King did protect his daughter and wife
Oil was discovered, his Kingdom did grow
and he built up an army to fend off his foe.
A Royal ship was built, with no expense spared,
instead of yacht varnish gold leaf was preferred
With seats of silver and taps of pure gold,
the ship was outstanding, a sight to behold.
The King and his family went on a day trip,
to view their Kingdom from the deck of his ship.
By this time the Princess was almost 18,
and of meeting her Prince she would often daydream.
Whilst the family were resting she went for some air,
basked in the sun and felt the wind in her hair.
She came across a frogman on the deck of the ship
and ran to him eagerly with a hop and a skip.
The tales that she heard left the Princess convinced
that if she kissed this frog he’d turn into her prince.
As she embraced the frogman he snuffed out her life,
he killed the young Princess with a thrust of his knife.
Her white chiffon dress turned a dark crimson red,
as the King lay sleeping, his daughter lay dead.
The Queen heard the commotion and came out on deck,
with his Swiss army knife he stabbed her in the neck.
He sought out the King and found him in his bed,
he shot him 4 times, twice in the head.
You see the frogman was actually a CIA operative
and they'd targetted the King because he’d been uncooperative.
Oil and intelligence he’d refused to exchange
so the CIA killed him to force a regime change.
Copyright © Wayne Mac | Year Posted 2018
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Wayne Mac Poem
I bought a piece of land, for my family and me,
to build a perfect home on a plot beside the sea.
I employed a local Surveyor to help draw up the plans,
to build my family dream house on the beach at ‘Lincoln Sands’
He came and took some measurements and samples from the plot,
and I asked if he could include the moorings for a yacht.
The Surveyor did recommend a custom built lighthouse.
He suggested that I go home and discuss this with my spouse.
Accepting his advice we telephoned that day,
and asked a local architect to start building right away.
We installed a lighthouse lamp, a million candles bright,
to warn the ships and sailors on a dark or foggy night.
But my wife and I would argue, due to lack of sleep,
"I can take light nights no more" my wife to me would weep.
Several years have passed and I'm living all alone,
She left me for a sailor, shipwrecked near our home!
One day, whilst drowning my sorrows in my local public house,
I met the smooth talking Surveyor and I called him such a louse.
“I was surprised when you advised a lighthouse by the sea,
But I didn't expect the profound effect it would have on my wife and me”.
“No”, said the Surveyor "I think you misunderstand-my concern was with subsidence and the risk of shifting sand and I advised a ‘lighter house’ upon your plot of land!”
24th July 2017
Copyright © Wayne Mac | Year Posted 2017
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Wayne Mac Poem
Friends of mine called Jack & Jill for years had lived in tally.
There were ups & downs, laughs & frowns but I always believed they would marry.
Where they lived was pretty good,
a little cabin made all of wood.
A wide-screen TV and a bright red phone,
and things that make a house a home.
With a window box and washing line,
where Jack & Jill do overtime.
If there was just one thing which made life hell,
it was climbing the hill to the water well.
You see they had no tap or water pump,
Jack made a bucket of an old tree stump.
This caused resentments over the years,
there were arguments and fights and tears.
And then, one day from work came Jack,
the stress of the day upon his back.
'Where's my tea?' he said to Jill,
Jill was so angry, Jack she could kill.
'But there's no water in the well',
said Jill to Jack trying not to yell.
'What no water, you silly cow,
give me that bucket, I'll show you how'.
Now this is where I tell the tale,
of the demise of Jack for the sake of a pail.
You see, Jill knew today this Jack she'd do,
so she'd smeared some lard beneath his shoe.
And with walking boots on and coat and hat,
and not knowing his shoes were smeared with fat,
Jack began to walk the hill,
without so much as a glance at Jill.
Then halfway up he began to slip,
his shoes began to lose their grip.
He tried to grasp at weeds and stones,
he felt the crunch of breaking bones.
And to the base of the hill Jack did fall,
where he cracked his neck against a wall.
Now in this story, if there is a moral,
it's that if you're boy and girl and begin to quarrel,
Don't be like Jack, look under your shoe,
who knows, there could be lard there too!!
Copyright © Wayne Mac | Year Posted 2017
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Wayne Mac Poem
A mouse, a bird and a sausage did all live very gay,
they all lived very happily and worked in each owns way.
The job of the mouse was to carry water, the sausage did cook the meals,
the bird did daily look for wood in the nearby farmer's fields.
One day the bird did meet his friends and told them of his work,
his friends did mock the little bird and called him such a berk.
He flew back home later that day and made himself understood,
he told his porky friend that "tomorrow He could look for wood!"
Entered in the "Animal Nonsense" competition
Sponsored by Kevin Shaw
24/8/2017
Copyright © Wayne Mac | Year Posted 2017
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Wayne Mac Poem
Hall clock, tick tock
front door, knock knock
turn of handle, unlock.
She lies in bed, unawares
footsteps, creaking stairs
back of neck, raised hairs.
She sensed a presence next to bed
fear, panic, a sense of dread
afraid to breathe or raise her head.
She feels a hand around her waist
and smells his breath against her face
stale, unclean and alcohol based.
He's here to harm she has no doubt
should she plead or scream and shout
she opens mouth, no sound comes out.
Against her throat a knife is pressed
pull down sheets, exposed, undressed
she tries to forget what happens next......
Copyright © Wayne Mac | Year Posted 2017
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Wayne Mac Poem
I visit you daily in your nursing home
you're physically with me yet I feel so alone.
I reach for your hand and you pull it away
a bit of you dies with each passing day.
Our love over years never did wane
now you look at me blankly not knowing my name.
I sometimes think that I wished you had gone
I could grieve at your passing and try to move on.
Instead you're a stranger whom I visit each day
who was once full of life but now empty and grey.
Copyright © Wayne Mac | Year Posted 2017
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