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Ashley Beach Poem
They keep us turning down the halls like cattle
Keep your eyes up
Face forward
No phones
Stay in routine
You’ve done this for so many years now
No distractions
Don’t look at the broken people next to you
Face forward
A girl at your school killed herself because of the bullying
Study hard
They found a bullet at a high school
No phones
The gun was never found
Wait until the bell rings
A girl was sexually assaulted
No sleeping in class
Keep walking, walking, walking
Don’t look at the stripes lining peoples arms
Stop talking while I’m teaching
Don’t stare at the faint mascara streaks running down her face
Turn to page 34
Stop looking at the boy who is googling how to make a pipe bomb during study hall
Raise your hand
How dare you talk badly about the baseball player who raped you
I’ll give you assigned seats if you don’t stop talking
Don’t worry about the girl who weighs 80 pounds, guidance counselors will take care of her
Did I say you could talk
The girl is threatening to overdose in the school bathroom
What’s the answer to this problem on the board
We are not watching out for our peers
We are not being active enough to make a change
I have woken up too many times from a nightmare of a school shooting
Of a suicide
Of a sexual assault
These are everyday problems
But our schools are deciding to ignore them
Many of us are uncertain of the future
Whether or not we will live to see another day
Either by our own hands or someone else’s
Will we have the strength to continue
To not jump in front of the bullet?
I can’t guarantee that I wouldn’t take that opportunity
But the school keeps up moving forward
Keep walking down the narrow halls
Heads up
No distractions
Like cattle
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12/12/2018
'A Sad Christmas' - December 2018 Writing Challenge - Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Dear Heart
Copyright © Ashley Beach | Year Posted 2018
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Ashley Beach Poem
I am watching you disappear in front of me,
Your arms disintegrating into paper-thin limbs.
I am watching you disappear in front of me,
Your eyes turning from a bright blue to a dull gray.
I am watching you disappear in front of me,
Your hair is now falling out and you are having violent shudders.
I am watching you disappear in front of me,
Your words come out weakly, your mouth can hardly form a sentence.
I am watching you disappear in front of me,
You have fainted twice in the past hour.
I am watching you disappear in front of me,
You refusing to eat causes me to hear the water falling into your empty stomach.
I am watching you disappear in front of me,
Concern blossoms through my chest and I find the courage to speak to someone about it.
I am watching you disappear in front of me,
They have taken you to a hospital now, IVs protruding through your paper-like arms.
I am watching you disappear in front of me,
The doctors say you are too weak to continue living, I reached out too late.
I watched you disappear in front of me,
Today... you stopped breathing.
Copyright © Ashley Beach | Year Posted 2017
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Ashley Beach Poem
During a session when I was young,
My therapist asked about sexual assualt.
Me being young and unaware of the event,
I replied quickly and confidentely with a no.
"Well... actually, yes." said my mother in a final tone.
I did not ask for this.
While I was asleep, he tugged at my underwear.
I remained unconscious as he got caught by my mother.
Moments after she left he returned again,
This time to put his hands on my body.
I did not ask for this.
After getting an itchy rash on my chest,
I had asked my grandfather for itch-relief ointment.
I protested greatly at him applying it on me himself,
Declaring my autonomy.
His hands wandered against my collarbones and I could
Not face him, nor look him in the eye as he began to
Pull my shirt towards him so he can see my bra.
I did not ask for this.
As I developed into a teenager, I noticed a change
As to how people view and treat me differently.
So when I was in the swimming pool of my best friend's
Cousin's house enjoying my time, I was being watched by
Her uncle, his eyes boring through the walls
That kept me hidden.
I did not ask for this.
When he finally joined us in the water, we rotated to
The ladder and yet his body was blocking the only exit.
He grabbed my friend's waist and picked her up,
continuously twirling her around and feeling her up.
I could not look, I could not speak, I was frozen.
The water moved around me as he inched towards me
And not soon after his hands found their way beneath my top.
I did not ask for this.
When my mother found out nearly a year after the incident,
She asked if I was sure it wasn't on accident.
I was sure. My head shook no.
She asked if I wanted to take him to court.
I wanted to. My head shook no.
She asked if this was a misunderstanding.
I knew it was not. My head shook yes.
Making me apologize to him was one thing, but
The meanings felt different than my words.
I was apologizing for being a female,
For being vulnerable, for being a child,
I was apologizing for being a victim of sexual assualt.
#MeToo
late night thoughts 27//8.19.2017 3:18 A.M
Copyright © Ashley Beach | Year Posted 2017
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Ashley Beach Poem
The time has come where
I no longer long to mark
where my mind has gone
upon my wrists.
The time has come where
I no longer have to fight
between the demons in
my head and the ones
in the forms of friends.
I once wished that the road
maps upon my arms would
lead to a beautiful destination,
one like true happiness.
Instead, it felt as if no
matter how hard I tried to
carve a new path it led me
to blue viens and crimson
red lines that were drawn before.
So when something bad happened
and my first thought wasn't
to try finding a new escape route,
I knew I had managed to free
myself from the sadness that
once consumed my mind.
This isn't to say that my
mind does not attempt to travel
down the old paths from before.
This isn't to say that I don't veer
off course sometimes.
Now, when my instinct is to
have red blood follow my path
to a dead-end, I lightly run
my fingers along the scarred paths
that had failed me and I
remember my way to recovery.
My way to a better life.
Copyright © Ashley Beach | Year Posted 2017
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Ashley Beach Poem
The last time I saw you
Was on the night of Halloween.
You were happy and smiling,
Until your boyfriend messaged you.
A ding went off in the room and all five heads turned towards you,
so you picked up your phone.
With a hand over your mouth and tears forming in your eyes,
we knew it couldn't be good.
We consoled you, telling you you deserved better.
He wasn't anything but a no-good boy,
who played with people's hearts.
So when we told him to meet us, he did.
It was seven minutes past ten when his car pulled up,
and we confronted him.
You took him back, Gabi. Why?
It wasn't until 1:28 that we realised that instead of drowning in your tears,
you were drowning your thoughts
with bottles of whiskey and shots.
It wasn't until 1:28 that we realised that your stumbling meant you
were definiately not okay.
So when the call came on December 1st that you attempted suicide,
it broke my heart.
Your sister found you dangling from the ceiling,
and as she was struggling with her own demons,
you tried to stop yours.
The doctors flew you to the hospital.
Gabi, you died three times within those 15 minutes.
Once they revived you, you were stable.
Your smile didn't falter when visitors came.
You pretended it was the same as before.
You were a loaded gun with one bullet,
playing Russian Rullet with the noose.
It only took you one try until the trigger was pulled.
On the third of December, as I was decorating the Christmas tree
I left my phone in my bedroom.
At 10:52 I recieved a message with only 2 words.
"She's gone."
Copyright © Ashley Beach | Year Posted 2017
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Ashley Beach Poem
When the clouds collide it brings about a sort of electricity
Much like the same feeling as when I kiss you
We were bolts of lightning tearing apart the night sky
Disrupting the peace between love and need
Because as much as I loved you i did not need you
So when I saw you crashing against another cloud that was not mine
It was a racking sensation that lit up my body
It was not me, it was you
Loving someone the way I loved you was like a roller coaster ride
In the beginning it was simple enough but the fear of derailment was there
When the wheels no longer met the tracks you were expecting it
But you were not prepared to say goodbye
So when you saw the colors running down my face I knew you should have said goodbye
But instead of parting ways I was enveloped in your arms
And I noticed for the first time that there was no lightning in our touch
Copyright © Ashley Beach | Year Posted 2017
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Ashley Beach Poem
His love was nothing more than a facade
One he put up in hopes of fooling her
His task was to find her broken pieces
But without hesitation she handed them to him
And signed her name on the jagged edges
Unknowing of his true actions with it
He gave her a charming smile and handed
All of her pieces back to her with a bottle of glue
"Fix it," he said. "I know not what to do with these."
So she obeyed and glued the pieces together
To form an almost-heart
Some parts you could see inside where she was hurt
Where she was left alone to her own thoughts
This didn't faze him though, and he held the solid
Piece in both hands and looked at her once again
And with that he spread his upward palms and
Watched as the pieces doubled on the ground
Spreading about like that of a flower's petals in spring
He turned on his heel and left her alone
Left her to count all of her broken pieces
And to fix herself once more.
Copyright © Ashley Beach | Year Posted 2017
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