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Hashtag-Me Too

During a session when I was young,
My therapist asked about sexual assualt.
Me being young and unaware of the event,
I replied quickly and confidentely with a no.
"Well... actually, yes." said my mother in a final tone.
I did not ask for this.
While I was asleep, he tugged at my underwear.
I remained unconscious as he got caught by my mother.
Moments after she left he returned again, 
This time to put his hands on my body.
I did not ask for this.
After getting an itchy rash on my chest, 
I had asked my grandfather for itch-relief ointment.
I protested greatly at him applying it on me himself,
Declaring my autonomy.
His hands wandered against my collarbones and I could
Not face him, nor look him in the eye as he began to
Pull my shirt towards him so he can see my bra.
I did not ask for this.
As I developed into a teenager, I noticed a change
As to how people view and treat me differently.
So when I was in the swimming pool of my best friend's
Cousin's house enjoying my time, I was being watched by
Her uncle, his eyes boring through the walls 
That kept me hidden.
I did not ask for this.
When he finally joined us in the water, we rotated to
The ladder and yet his body was blocking the only exit.
He grabbed my friend's waist and picked her up,
continuously twirling her around and feeling her up.
I could not look, I could not speak, I was frozen.
The water moved around me as he inched towards me
And not soon after his hands found their way beneath my top.
I did not ask for this.
When my mother found out nearly a year after the incident,
She asked if I was sure it wasn't on accident.
I was sure. My head shook no.
She asked if I wanted to take him to court.
I wanted to. My head shook no.
She asked if this was a misunderstanding.
I knew it was not. My head shook yes.
Making me apologize to him was one thing, but
The meanings felt different than my words.
I was apologizing for being a female,
For being vulnerable, for being a child,
I was apologizing for being a victim of sexual assualt.
#MeToo

late night thoughts 27//8.19.2017 3:18 A.M

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