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Jamika Johnson Poem
Pain inflicted
My life suddenly conflicted with such conviction.
At a young age witnessing things I wish I never had to or didn't.
Scarring a beautiful soul, it's dark.
Breaking all of what I had, my heart.
Each time I'd fight to get up more of me would fall apart.
What is life?
Making so many left turns because nothing around me is right.
Unbeknownst to my parents achievements and they wonder why I have none.
Each time she'd hit me, I never knew what I had done.
No childhood because I had to grow up fast.
I have a daughter of my own now, reliving my past.
Walk Away!
Hurt.
No support.
Feelings and empty hands.
But I continue forward because I taught myself to do all that I can.
At a young age I was touched by a man.
Not knowing any better I enjoyed it instead of ran.
I didn't run because I couldn't.
I never knew the innocence because he took it.
He stripped me of my childhood. I was no longer a kid.
And I never told my parents about the things this man did.
Afraid of it all I was only 7.
At 9 I lost my second mom I became rebellious, sexually active by age 11.
Fairytales don't exist me. I never had a silver spoon.
I've been cursed since the womb.
My life has been a mess since the day I was conceived.
I've been through so many obstacles in life and I'm only 23.
Pregnant with my daughter by the age of 14.
Her dad is an absentee.
He's not here because he doesn't want to be and I cry because this can't be the life God chose for me.
Or for us.
But he is who I should trust?
Walk Away!
A blood line full of fails..
Is there a win?
If so, when?
One big cycle, running around in a circle.
In my family you're not worth it if you're not working.
In my family school doesn't matter, I never had to.
If I was as miserable as she is, I'd be mad too.
To make something more out of my life, I'd be glad to.
How do I become inspired though?
A mothers love, a mothers touch, it all got lost in her crack smoke.
I'm feeling inside and it's really killing me.
I need more than to believe.
Walk Away!
Copyright © Jamika Johnson | Year Posted 2016
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Details |
Jamika Johnson Poem
It was the last "screw you" he could say.
It was the last "I don't love you" that I could take.
It was the last "you won't because you can't".
It was the last bend that caused me to break.
It was my pride that was in the way.
I didn't want to seem sensitive but only if I'd known that more of you understood.
Even if my heart didn't realize it at the time, my life was good.
I understand!
Don't put your hands on me.
Please just give me a hug.
I'm not doing anything for attention, I really need love.
Feeling boxed in, feeling trapped, and I can't breathe.
Life just isn't for me anymore, I need to be set free.
My head hurts, my heart aches, and the love?
POOF!
Depression is real and my dear friend Javon was the proof.
If I told you that I wanted to join him, what would you do?
I'm losing battles in life too.
I refuse to tell a soul because there isn't one that gives a damn.
I understand!
It was the last "you won't ever amount to anything" that I needed to hear.
It was the last time anyone said anything because in me, to die, there was no more fear.
It was the last time I would feel anything because in me, there were no more tears.
I couldn't cry because I got the picture.
Today I could die and be right there with ya.
I understand!
*RIP Javon Henry
3/2/1993-9/17/16
We miss you so much
I love you*
Copyright © Jamika Johnson | Year Posted 2016
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Details |
Jamika Johnson Poem
How could you feel that life would be better without you?
You had so much talent, how the could you doubt you?
How could you take the easiest way out?
Why couldn't you stay to fight for 1000 more nights?
What was it about you that couldn't get right?
What in the world made you feel the right answer was your life?
Why couldn't you cry just let it all go?
The love you had out here, why didn't you know?
Why didn't you care? Javon, what happened to you?
What was it that you wanted to do?
You didn't have to die man.
It hurts like crap I can't even lie man.
I can't help but to cry man.
I should've been there, but I wasn't.
I should've been there and maybe you wouldn't have done it.
Javon please come back so I can write my wrong.
I didn't know you were so alone.
I didn't know that the pain was killing you.
Why'd I have to fall asleep, why didn't I come be with you?
Oh God Oh God.. All I ask is why?
I need my friend back here on earth. He needs another try.
Let him do it all over, Lord he made a mistake.
It wasn't his life he really wanted to take.
Please give him back please, show him to me in spirit.
I rather be with Javon than dying inside from living.
Copyright © Jamika Johnson | Year Posted 2016
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