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Z. Akuhai Poem
Pull this pin out of my heart
And throw it so it explodes
Let the blood rain down
And the pieces break down to nothing
Because that’s all I was in the beginning
When it’s all over
Take the ash in your hands
And think of me when it blows away
I’d rather die with you holding my heart
Than to be laid to rest where it is left
To rot in my chest
It always belonged to you, anyway
No time for last words,
Just put your lips on mine
Don’t forget to let go when I’m slack
Lay me back
So I might see the stars
If one shoots, let it hit my chest
Caress my scars
Tether me to the sky
So I can fall gently
Below the ground where I’ll lie
After the ash blows away
Here I lie! Now I die
Confused and alone
At loss of your arms- my home
Condone my passing
My love, I’m asking
For peace of mind
Before I die
Only you have ever been able to calm my thoughts
I’ll be caught in death
Less you lay me to rest
Beneath this canopy of stars
Do you remember when they shot for us?
My love, my dove, my everything
With love and sincerity and all that is left of me
Reflect the best of me
And swear you’ll never forget this
-Here is my last kiss
Placed delicately upon your cheek
Don’t weep
Love thee,
-s.c.n.
Copyright © Z. Akuhai | Year Posted 2016
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Z. Akuhai Poem
Home is not the place you feel saddest in
It is morning rain, and cheerful sunsets
You feel complete, and without worry within
My home is not the walls holding my threats
My home is not the anxiety felt
When I think of the silhouettes inside
The words they said, I learned to take; I dealt
And I dealt, pushing all my choices aside
And I had to learn, I was owned- body, mind
By those who gave me life, they took my life
It took some time to accept I’m not mine
I feel like I am cornered by a knife
Now, I only wish to be freed of them
I’m going to re-start my life- begin.
Love, s.c.n.
Copyright © Z. Akuhai | Year Posted 2017
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Z. Akuhai Poem
My love,
I forget the way you smell, I remember the way you walked, I can recall the stories you tell
But I don't remember them all to well
I can feel you close to me in my dreams, but I must admit, dreams seldom come. I can't remember your voice when you sing, but I can remember that you sung
I know that you love me unconditionally, and I can remember the words you said, but I cannot remember your voice, or the way you laughed at my poor puns, or feel how you touched my hand, my arm
I...
I am afraid I might forget you. I can remember your name, but what if your face fades? What happens if I forget...
if I forget...
I can remember my promises, I can remember your guitar, I can remember the way you walked, I can remember the stories you told, I can remember your favorite color
It's silver, but not the sharp twinkly stuff. Like my ring, and silver linings in the clouds
And misty mornings in the rain, with the sunset breaking through the horizon. Our horizon...
I will never forget the stars we laughed at. I swear, I'll remember your dog's name, and I'll remember your face, and how you didn't shave, even after no-shave-November
November.
Sudden November breaking through the fall
Sudden November that tore us apart
The Sudden November when we gave all
Sudden November I lost you, twice.
November took my life
November made sure there would be a cold winter
Sudden tragedy that fell upon us like snow
November isolated my mind
Sudden seizing of my soul
November kill us all
Suddenly cursed, November became
November took you away
You were taken away. Away is gone. I don't know if gone comes back, but I lack the sanity required to carry us through the cold. I have no home in this cold. Your arms, once tethered around me, have been stripped away like the innocence of a virgin. Your shoulder, that I have cried into and fallen asleep upon, your hands that once supported me, and the agony that shot through my nerves when you left
You caressed my scars. You gave me all you had. I fell to pieces, you fell with me. You were stronger, you'll last longer. I'll fall again, but now I'm okay with being shattered
"It's better to feel pain than nothing at all"
Fall Suddenly Into November
You are a mountain to me
I scaled these cliffs and now hang off a ledge above the sky you set the limit to, and in the atmosphere I feel the lonesomness and memory of every.single.kiss. and I'm starting to slip
I can't forget your voice. That ribbon that flowed from your lips holds me against the cliff. Through the rock, I know you exist. The rhythm of your heart beats with mine.
I swear I won't forget that
It holds me to your memory. Let me feel that memory. Hold me against your chest, in the night, silently crying for your arms
I must remember, the way your hair curls, and the birthmark on your finger. I know everything about you, and now, I swear, I will never forget you.
Love is the gravity that keeps my feet on the ground
In short, thanks for holding me to the planet.
Love,
-s.c.n.
Copyright © Z. Akuhai | Year Posted 2016
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Z. Akuhai Poem
I've seen you a thousand times before
Coming in through my window,
Or walking through my door
Each time you say:
"Darling, dry your eyes
This pain will go away
Darling, I love you
Please believe me
I proved them wrong
I proved them wrong!"
And like a moment...
You're suddenly gone.
Copyright © Z. Akuhai | Year Posted 2016
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Z. Akuhai Poem
I'm screaming, I'm bleeding, I'm seeping out through these cracks along my skin. I'm breathing, I'm smiling, I'm letting myself fake sanity.
You're my hero. Save me, I'm in distress. I can't be happy without your hand in mine.
I can't forage clarity anymore; I need you to clear my mind. Please quiet my frantic, quaking heart- preferably before it tears me apart.
I'm in pieces yet again; I'll be in pieces until you are by my side every night. Let me cry on your shoulder, let me fall apart. Please pull me back together so I may once more be the elysian person I was before.
Copyright © Z. Akuhai | Year Posted 2016
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Z. Akuhai Poem
I wish to be a poet, like Oscar
I’ve got so much passion in me, it’s pain
I long to take an adventure; wander
I’ve got the world in my heart- unashamed
Sometimes I wake up, and swear I can fly
I wish but to experience my life
How could I leave my heart to be denied?
Balance me on the tip of your dulled knife
Caress my scars, and scream at me in vain
I need to feel my heart fill, then break
Tether me to a line, sever the chain
I won’t give you my soul, it’s mine to take
I need to drive too recklessly; faster
My trust is in my heart, my heart mastered
-s.c.n.
Copyright © Z. Akuhai | Year Posted 2017
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Z. Akuhai Poem
I should have listened when they said:
"Don't grow up, you'll wake up dead."
Now here I am, left behind
Reality is not one in which you can confide
Spread the word, youth is a trap!
I've given up now, my days are dark;
One more day, I just might snap
It's always been sanity that I lack
My heart hates me
The pain is real
At night I scream
But no one can make it heal.
My sleeves will hide the red that runs
All the games are no more fun
The difference in a marker and blade
It's not a joke, but it relieves the pain.
Suicide, it's a crime
We are owned, nationwide
If not for the governments eye
"Revolution, it's what we dream of' we sigh
Kids in the dark, all with their own hell
They create the lies, so no one can tell
Let the young believe
Leave the dead to rest in peace
Today, things change
Why do we stand here, out of the way?
The lying veins,
And dying heart
You can't save me now,
I've already fallen apart.
So next time, in the halls
Hold up the one, who is about to fall
They'll say they are "okay"
It wont be the only lie told that day
So here we stand, awaiting the fray
Just one time, let us stand and say:
"This is wrong, and we do not agree!"
Just one time, please
All the eyes, searching for the mistakes
Every. Single. Day.
Music can not change the brain,
But it does make the heart sway
And so this eye, watching all the time
Falls up on you and your troubled soul
Will you stand and fight for your life,
Or will you collapse, and let the depths of hell descend?
-s.c.n.
Copyright © Z. Akuhai | Year Posted 2016
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