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Alainey Craig Poem
Every day I'm fighting
Inside I'm dead
my soul is tired
The light that once was bright and strong
Is almost gone
Like one of the many candles you have
I'm almost though
But let me tell you mom
I've made it this far because of you
It feels as if my blood is full of all my painful memories
Words of hate and lies
All I want is time with you
My savior my friend my mom
All I want is time before I'm truly gone
I don't know how to fix this pain inside of me
I have to push I know
But where did the strong me go?
Please don't give up on me
I'm truly trying
Cant you see?
I need help to find me
I use to be so strong
Nothing ever got to me
Words never hurt me
But now I'm afraid nothing can safe me
All I want is light and love, family
Good memories and all my pain to stop
I need you more than you know
I never ment to hurt you so please mom
Don't let me go
I'll try my best not to be depressed
Maybe I just need more meds
And lots of food and sunshine I know you love me
I just need time.
Copyright © Alainey Craig | Year Posted 2016
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Alainey Craig Poem
When a child's placed in foster care,
it gets shuffled from heart to heart.
And a link in the chain of love,
goodbyes precede every new start.
Hopeful eyes explore each fresh face,
wanting to experience norms.
Yet intolerance and half-truths,
often spawn emotional storms.
Love’s only an empty promise,
whispered by a slick silver tongue.
And it's a word best forgotten,
meaningless to a heart so young.
They are shackled to hope and fear,
feelings felt from an early age.
And they start questioning their fate,
succumbing to their inner rage.
They've become undesirable,
discarded souls of a yesterday.
For these children are considered
troublesome and sent on their way
Copyright © Alainey Craig | Year Posted 2015
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Alainey Craig Poem
life is a journey they say,
but not a destination
still, I come to find a family is my only fascination
a mother that wants me
one who I can call my own.
a dad who's their though thick and thin
to see how strong I've grown
I have traveled as if to say
my whole life you see
but I feel lost , with no home stuck on this endless journey
cant be close cause soon ill leave
yes still I where my heart on my sleeve
no matter how many times I dream things
that never come true
ill still have faith that someday ill be happy to
I wonder what its like to wake up Christmas morning
with warmth, and light ,and love
but wondering wont get me far or at least that's what I'm told
from foster home to foster home on an endless path
I write my life that soon ill have
now i cry and prey "at last"
Copyright © Alainey Craig | Year Posted 2015
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Alainey Craig Poem
Gratitude
by: Alainey Craig
So long I have loathed in nothing but the bad,
being inconsiderate and blind to all the great things that I've had.
Deep inside there are many things,
great things, that I look to find,
live to see.
The beautiful greatness that defines me, and I am grateful.
I'm grateful for the music, for the great words that have inspired me
and everything I've sought to be.
For the gentle, caring hands that have been around to guide me,
for the soft sound of nature's music so calm and sweet
putting my mind and soul at peace.
For its that soft music that makes my thoughts most entirely,
completely whole.
I am thankful for all in my life.
For the cold grey skies that twist and bend all throughout the lonely night. for the pain, the strife, even the lies.
For if it wasn't the one who whispered lies with his slick silver tongue
of always and forever
I would still be alone, naive
and him .... still clever.
And if it wasn't for those lies that at one time gave me pain
I wouldn't be me I wouldn't have changed,
and without the pain, the struggle, the heartache and vain
I wouldn't know right from wrong.
I couldn't relate to the emotion behind a mournful song.
so I am thankful.
I am grateful for the forbidden fruit that Adam and Eve ate
for now I have the gift of knowledge
and I get to choose my own fate, I forgive who I want
for its not a law
and they'll forgive me, just depends on my flaw.
For it’s them who inspire me
inspired by my amazing aunt
who when I was hopeless, she was there
it was her who picked me up and showed me care
and if it wasn’t for the love she had for me
God only knows were I would be.
To me she was a second mom, a person I drew wisdom from
and in my corner every fight
i’m grateful that she always cared that things were right
I’m thankful for my little pieces of heaven
for my sunflower fort garden
for the warmth of the sun as it warms the soil that I can smell
for the cool gentle breezes
for the smell of the fresh cut grass that I can almost taste
and the fragrance of the flowers
I am thankful for
the safe and seclusiveness that the little fort offers
I’m thankful for the bees that keep my fort lively
that could easily inflict pain
yet do no harm
Im thankful for
the group home
for the hard times that we have shared
for the mistakes that we all make
and simply just accepting one another
because we all know that perfect does not exist
that its just a dream that will never awaken
I'm so very grateful
for those who I can relate to
and know I'm not alone.
im grateful for the gifts I'll have all throughout my life
for common sense and friendship
i’m thankful for laughter whether it be a childish giggle
or plain out goofy human behavior.
There are so many good and bad things to be grateful for
just the fact that there are choices and there’s always an open door.
Today and every day, from now on
I will express my gratitude
through my everyday attitude
trying my best to touch the lives of those I see
and show I'm grateful.
Copyright © Alainey Craig | Year Posted 2015
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Alainey Craig Poem
Breathing, looking, feeling and walking
Deciding, choosing, living and talking
Just like a developing child; an adolescent learning
Just like an endless beginning a genuine yearning
Independent, supported or alone
Beg, borrow, or maybe one day I'll even own
There is definitely a light and it is calling me
Close my eyes spread my wings and I will fly free
No more shame, pretend, cheap smiles and lies
No more ifs, buts, maybes or whys?
Who are you? What do you want? How do you sleep?
I know now I am not your possession to abuse and keep
You were right, it's dramatic, and all for show
But it was you in the lead role, so desperate to grow
Like a parasite you tried to consume and destroy my life
Like a human being I tried to be your daughter,and friend
Go back to where you came from; it is what you do best
Go back to being nothing,; an annoying little pest
And when you get there be sure look up high
Can you see me beaming brightly, lighting up the sky
Each night I am reminded that you are evil, selfish and vile
Each night I am reminded how lucky I am, blessed and smile
You should see us now you've gone; happy, confident and born again
All our own work, they erased you and survived any pain
It was much easier than I thought; you can't miss what was never there
But unlike you, I did feel love, I wanted to grow, experience and share
What a waste, a pointless thought and an unwanted gift
All you saw was credibility, an excuse and blame to shift
It is getting closer, that beautiful light calling me
Close my eyes spread my wings and I am flying free
It's over, just give up and please let us be
Never again imprisoned, now and forever I'm holding the key
Your self-pity and fairy tales fall on deaf ears
I geuss ive just filtered you out after all these years
Your stories and lies create no sympathetic tears
One by one everyone is hearing the truth
T.R.U.T.H. comes with REAL evidence and proof
I swear this is the final night you will give me no sleep
There's no master plan or cunning revenge for me to reap
You are a lonely now,an idiot, bully,and gambling fool
You've lost again; I've got it all
Do you feel small?
Pathetic and cruel
Down, down you fall
At last I am standing tall
...We've got it all
Copyright © Alainey Craig | Year Posted 2015
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Alainey Craig Poem
My Auntie
When I was hopeless you were there
you picked me up, you showed me care.
Without the love you had for me
God only knows where I would be.
To me you were a second mom
a person I drew wisdom from.
In my corner every fight
you always cared that things were right.
I won't forget the things you've done
I felt like the adopted one
Ready now and feeling new
I couldn't leave not thanking you.
Copyright © Alainey Craig | Year Posted 2015
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Alainey Craig Poem
Where Were You Daddy
where were you when I was all alone
why weren't you here after I begged you to come home
how could you leave me here with her, you were all I had
I had enough people to hurt me
I needed my dad
you promised you'll always be here to pick me up when I'll fall
you told me if I ever needed anything,
all I had to do was call
I must have called you a million times each day
I just needed to hear your voice
I needed to know you were okay
but you didn't even answer,
you didn't even say good-bye
I guess you were too drunk to remember about me
or maybe you were just too high
I needed you, Daddy,
I needed you to love me more
but you weren't thinking about me
when you walked out that door into the bars
dad you can see my permanent scars
always and forever is what you always say
will i have to wait my whole life to ever see that day
it's sad that you did what you told me any other guy would
if my own dad couldn't love me
I don't see how any guy could
I'm disappointed in you because you left me here with no one
even now you have apologized for everything you've done
you say I should forgive you, and dad i want you to know that i have
but just remember this...
who stuck by you right or wrong,
wasn't it me?
just like the typical guy you couldn't love me or appreciate the things I did
I don't even know who you are anymore
you're not the man I looked up to as a kid
I want him back, I want my dad!!
don't you see? nothing else mattered,
you were all I really ever had
you were the only one who put me first before everything else
we were a team, Dad
how could you leave me here by myself?
since the first day you left, there's been this space I've so desperately trying to fill
no one understands anymore and these cuts are the only way I numb the pain I feel
I found a way to fill the space, but it's only temporary
they can't erase the pain I've been through
you said I'll always be your baby
Dad, what did I do?!
These boys can't take the insecurities you caused
no matter what they do or say
you were supposed to be here, Daddy,
to take the hurt away
I just want everything to be like it was before you decided it was easier to leave,
before you forgot all the things you promised,
before your drugs meant more to you than me,
I just wish this would all stop,
I wish I could make it all okay
I can't forget all those years ago
I still blame myself, I should've made you stay
but you should have known better
I would never have wanted you to go
you were my protector, Daddy
you weren't supposed to hurt me; you were suppose to be my hero
but you did hurt me, Dad, and you can't take it back
it'll never be the same
I've become so insecure but you're not the only one to blame
even now you realize you were wrong and come home tonight
it's done so much damage trying to fill that space
nothing you do will ever make it right
dad i love you always and a day ill still listen to what you have to say
i have learnt so much while you've been gone and as you know a lot of it is thanks to mom
but i'm willing to start a new but dad my decision only depends on you!
Copyright © Alainey Craig | Year Posted 2015
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Alainey Craig Poem
You were the reason I stayed
but not the reason I'm gone today
for you I braved her torture
and even with a tumor of self hate
she still knocked me down
but I did not break down
"ugly, fat, stupid, thick
uhhhhh you make me sick"
words used by she
my mother who hates me
I nearly took my life you see
but I couldn't use the knife
I couldn't belike her
so now my armors stronger
I will win this battle for us two
just watch and you will see
Copyright © Alainey Craig | Year Posted 2015
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Alainey Craig Poem
The thing about self loathing,
Is it’s tricky to explain.
A drug addict may use heroin,
Where as I’m my own pill, and my own pain. All my flaws and failed attempts
Are standing side by side.
Every time I’ve screwed things up, you'll see so
There is nothing left to hide. no matter what , you say or do,
I’ll always have a hatred.
But sometimes it makes me a stronger person,
There is no other bitter sweet pill I’ve tasted.
Copyright © Alainey Craig | Year Posted 2015
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Alainey Craig Poem
She's that girl you see
walking down the street.
with a smile on her face,
but a frown on her heart.
make-up puts on her grace
but just untill she falls apart.
You would never know it
she tries not to show it
she can only smile from the outside
her heart is black and blue
but no one can see through
she only wonders why it even beats everytime.
family has broken her heart
but thats not the reason why she's living in the dark
when she goes home its just the abuse not only from herself but emotionally too.
You would never know it
she tries not to show it
she can only smile from the outside
her heart is black and blue
but no one can see through
she only wonders why it even beats everytime.
She's got a fake smile on her face.
her heart on her sleave.
learning every step of the way.
so ashamed
she's never been touched with a knife
but she puts it up to her skin just to know what it feels like
a peaceful paradise.
You would never know it
she tries not to show it
she can only smile from the outside
her heart is black and blue
but no one can see through
she only wonders why it even beats everytime.
A smile on her face
A frown on her heart
make-up puts on her grace
but just untill she falls apart
Copyright © Alainey Craig | Year Posted 2015
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