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Lyt El Deh Poem
Her body shook from the pleasure
A wide eyed stupid stare
I was breathing harder
Hand’s bruised her wrists
Fingers tore out her hair
I held her down
everything I had
She wouldn’t escape-
what was coming
her insides all mine
the last thrust
came so hard
Her head slammed against the door
I emptied myself into her
Squeezed out every drop
I collapsed next to her
Kissed her gently
We talked
All night
Laughing madly together
Talking about our lives
her young confused eyes
filled with a lustful bliss
she talked to me so deep
Like we had done every night for weeks
Only then with our clothes on
about rape and abuse
wanting a place to call home
a giant house, a husband
children she would never have
thanks to a sadist with a flashlight
trying to make it day by day
she started to cry
I dried her eyes
Beneath her make up
Was a childish face
Covered in bruises
She reminded me that when she left
She would do this for other men
Only they would give her money
Not just their time
And she would have to pretend
She thanked me for being a friend
Said she shouldn’t have done this
She whispered to herself
It’s bad for business
She wanted to feel what it was like
To be normal for one night
With a boy who was nice
as she headed toward the door
she thanked me for being nice
caring about her
being a friend
not judging and not
treating her like a whore
I found a friend I understood
An equal
To everyone else she was a whore
I would have kissed her harder
If I’d known I’d never see her again.
Copyright © Lyt El Deh | Year Posted 2014
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Lyt El Deh Poem
Wild river you are my peace, my solitude.
An escape from life, yet you are life
always present, always flowing,
I come to you every day, a familiar spot that feels like home.
I belong here, I’m welcome, I feel it.
I’m taken away by the rhythm of your current
I stand in awe of all that you nurture
So many rely on your existence
Yet you don’t even know your own power
I sit on your banks and enthralled
-stand in your mist savoring every drop that touches me.
Your waters have rinsed dirt from me
-helped to clean and heal old wounds
I carefully walk on rocks back and forth across you
Wishing I would slip
I would love to fall in and be swept away by your tides
Thrashing around inside you until we spill into the sea
I’ve been drenched by the waters of passing storms
They all dwindled down and dried up
I sit on your shores sometimes boldly reaching out to touch you
I watch as you slip through my fingers
I slip off my shoes and put my feet in
I know you are dangerously deep
I’ve seen and felt your darkest places
For now I’ll walk beside you every step of the way
My bare feet on the raw earth, the most natural way
I’ll follow your beautiful flow until the end
Copyright © Lyt El Deh | Year Posted 2015
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Lyt El Deh Poem
Last night I dreamt
I haven’t had a dream in Christ knows how long
I dreamt a dream that shook my soul
I dreamt of the glorious uncontrollable freedom I once knew
Of an old friend estranged
Living
Breathing
Two blocks from where I now lay
I dreamt of sparks crackling from a flame
-of smoke bellowing into some abyss
-of fireflies dancing into infinity
I dreamt of stupor
Of love
Of Rock Music
I was there, unspoiled, unadulterated, unyielding
I was in pursuit of god knows what, I was ALIVE!
I was seeing the lie, believing I would transcend it
I dreamt of loud party’s in spinning rooms
I dreamt of beautiful intoxication
I dreamt of a party so large the floor fell out from beneathour feet
I dreamt of ear shattering nonsense statements
Preached to the world from front lawns for the world to hearin its three am sleep
I dreamt of myself
I dreamt of a young man enticed by the glow of an entirebottle of tequila
Caught up in a moment of pure insanity and hormone
One in which heboldly grabbed a girl by her arm and professed his desire to make love to her
The boyfriend looked at him in amazement and confusion asthe two had been holding hands
I dreamt of seemingly endless journeys to nowhere
Forever lost
But to my dismay always found again
I dreamt of pure, real, untainted love
I dreamt of the bewildered eyes upon me as it manifested in uniquedemented ways
My back against a wall
Adrenalinepumping as I heckle her like a carnie
challenged like a child in a school yard dare
A knife
My chest
A drop of blood
A captive audience trying to make sense of the madnessunfolding
In an explosion of energy I fell from my dream
I landed so hard it tore my dog in a dumbfounded terror fromher own sleep
I sat up
I reflected
I ached to go back
My head so full of thoughts, emotions, and creativity
I grabbed a pen
I used to feel
I used to dream
I used to express and create
This morning I wrote for the first time in years.
-J. DeSantis
Copyright © Lyt El Deh | Year Posted 2014
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Lyt El Deh Poem
A dark encounter- like a beautiful reflection in a cracked filthy mirror
This young man was exactly like myself
It filled me with pain
I recognized our connection
I understood him wholly
I knew every blink
I knew every thought
I knew every hurt smile
I knew what it all meant
He spoke in a selfless manner- he spoke as if his mind had robbed my own
A thief in the depths of my soul
I know myself more honestly and deep then most others will ever admit
I’m don’t deny my most disturbing truths
I knew this young man better then he will ever know
Instantly I knew him
- and my knowing
Filled me with sadness
He’ll never know I worried for him
Years later I caught news of him
By chance
A final report through an unlikely string of contacts
The story gave me chills
Filled me with sorrow
Forced me into deep contemplation and self reflection
He hadn’t survived
I wasn’t surprised
I’m still here, should I be? Have I somehow cheated somewhere along the line?
Copyright © Lyt El Deh | Year Posted 2014
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Lyt El Deh Poem
when your mind has become like a rusted out car
you crank up the radio to drown out the noise
the screeching problems you should have addressed years ago
you get lost in the music and your thoughts become a muffled hum
a quiet buzz
wishing for an empty mind
as hollow and cold
as the temporary comfort you find in the meaningless kisses of strangers
those who themselves claim to be bored
in reality they suffer from the same anger, hurt, and desolate loneliness of soul
separately you become one
in a poison embrace
the same artificial butterflies and shame that you felt with your back against the wall in innocent ignorance
you poison yourself to sleep
finding refuge in the fact that there you can commit no wrong
in waking you wish to break away from the dullness
you have the urge to run
like the sudden impulse to push the pedal to the floor
speeding recklessly down the highway to nowhere
laughing outloud at the idea that you may have to explain to the police
you weren't on your way anywhere
the satisfaction in the confused looks when you explain there was no reason
you were in no hurry
you weren't going anywhere
you're just going to end up the same place you started anyway
life has no meaning without the thrill and danger of unnecessary risk
your rusted up and everything rusted breaks down and ceases up eventually
Copyright © Lyt El Deh | Year Posted 2014
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Lyt El Deh Poem
How badly I want a hand to hold
Lay together for hours opening our souls
Stealing kisses, sneaking touches
Laugh about things others will never understand
How badly I miss the little boy
Full of passion laughter and dreams
I turned him into a man ill from a poison
Who quietly hides himself
Guarded and distant
Who laughs through a liquor grin
Until the poison seeps so deep
He falls down and cries away the night
So pure and innocent with true intents
Somehow along the line
He became a broken sinner
Copyright © Lyt El Deh | Year Posted 2014
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Lyt El Deh Poem
We had been under its grip for days. The truck swerved from lane to lane as it sped through the dark. She was screaming mess of anger and pain. Our shattered pieces had always fit together well.
We shared the same bed of broken glass. Neither remembered making that bed-
we were content to lay in it together. Another true love never realized, Bastardized by fear confusion and hurt.
Blood still ran from her nose. I was done. I had enough.
She wanted to keep going. I couldn’t take it anymore. I looked at her with tears dripping off her cheeks - blood streaming down her face. Dark tired circles framed her glassy hazel eyes. She stopped in the middle of the road -reached in her purse. I begged her not to as she pulled it out. She looked at me with her soft compassionate eyes- Pleading with me to join her. She laid out two I wouldn’t do it...not again. I passed my breaking point a day ago. She begged me to. I hated leaving her alone to it. I had always been with her-
every step by her side. I loved her.She was one of the best friends I ever had We used to plan to run away someday. Laying together in our secret spot in a field at night- we would get high into the early morning- Stare off into the stars. She would always ask me where I thought it ended? What it looked like? What infinity was? Was there more out there? We planned out every detail of our future A small place on the beach- simple bullshit jobs-
getting lost every night. Now there we were. Strung out, miserable, and stuck. She did one off the cigarette pack and pushed it toward me. I shook my head-
A car laid on its horn behind us. She got pissed off at me and did the other. I felt like shit addiction is a lonely place without company- I left her alone.
I could see in her face she felt abandoned. The driver from the car behind us sped past yelling something out the window. We started off again speeding recklessly down the road. We blew a stop sign and took a wild turn- She hadn’t bothered to touch the brakes. She turned to me yelling almost incoherently.
It was a rage I had never seen in her face. She started hitting me both hands off the wheel leaning over top of me swinging Punch after punch I sat there. I knew she was miserable, angry, and broken. I had no problem being a punching bag I always had been for everyone else and I didn’t even care about them.
The truck was still rolling on unattended. I grabbed her wrists- Begged her to calm down. The truck cut a sharp right we rolled off the pavement. I grabbed the wheel and pushed it hard toward the road The truck bounced out of the ditch onto the street.
She hit the brakes terrified I yelled at her, slapped her, I hated that I did- I hated doing anything hurtful to a friend. The last time we met up she looked tired. Life had beat us both down pretty good. She apologized for not keeping in touch – Told me she felt like an awful friend because of it. She told me that she thinks about me all the time and smiles- She knows one person is out there somewhere that really loves her.
Copyright © Lyt El Deh | Year Posted 2014
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Lyt El Deh Poem
50,000 watts crack bright blue
most people jump in terror
I brace myself, my legs and hands numb with excitement
the anticipation of that penetrating lightning
the intense pain,
the power I feel in overcoming it
the narcotic haze after it dances across my skin
my god baby hit me again... again...
my god dont ever stop
Copyright © Lyt El Deh | Year Posted 2014
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Lyt El Deh Poem
She stepped out of the shower
wrapped up in her towel
stood there dripping wet
skin hot and glistening
stood in front of the mirror
I walked up behind her
wet hair dripping down her back
I ran my fingers through it
said it felt like cold spaghetti
her eyes became more soft than usual
she always had such a loving gaze
I'd often times catch it come on a little stronger
...when it was just us
I pulled myself in close
my shirt becoming hot and damp
I realized what it was doing to me
I hadn't ever done what was on my mind
she had the same epiphany
her expression changed
a look of terror
...she couldn't
she had been hurt so many times
to let me inside her she would have to feel
I could see it in her eyes
Copyright © Lyt El Deh | Year Posted 2014
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Lyt El Deh Poem
There was a loud bang
her body gave out
slammed against the wall
A few more steps
another thud
The door flew open
she fell face first into bed
Every shallow exhale
filled the air with the smell of alcohol
and sour vomit
He looked on in helpless disappointment
So many nights were spent like this
today it was well into the morning
Another burp
vomit pooled on the pillow
her face resting in it
Where had she been as he laid there
awake all night
longing for her embrace
his body was always hers
she let other people in
he had drank all night trying not to think
of where she may have been
he was tired of the mess
the pills and wine
vitamin b, Rolaids, and lies
he existed in cut ties
Copyright © Lyt El Deh | Year Posted 2014
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