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Best Poems Written by Janet Runyan

Below are the all-time best Janet Runyan poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

Details | Janet Runyan Poem

I'M Living My Own Life

Tell me you want me to go
But you can't do that, can you?
You just want me back now, don't you?
Just to hold me in your arms like
Everything's the way it was before
You just want me back with you
To be back in bed with you
You want to hold me down some more
And just pretend it's all ok
Like we don't know each other's problems anymore.
But I told you I have to move on, okay?
So I'm moving at my own pace now
And I'm holding my head high now
And I choose to just let you walk on by, 
If only you would
You have to see me in the past and not in your future
You act like it hurts but I know it doesn't
It's been too long I've been hearing you say the same things
So you need to let me just walk by now
You need to move on and let me live my life
We won't be sharing the bed anymore
Those secrets are lost forever
You can't go back, you can't change what's done
You can't see my heart, you can't hear my soul
You can only look at my eyes and see the truth
And know that they show I'm moving on
Now you are calling me back
And I know you want me to share your bed
And share the secrets we whispered in the dark
Beneath the sheets of love and sin

Details | Janet Runyan Poem

You Promised

Think again if you thought you could use me
Thought you were my friend but you're nothing
Talk to me like I'm not a lady
I'll teach you a little something

Been in love with me all these years
Never got over me, how sweet
Too bad I never loved a married man
Didn't you wonder why there was nothing from me?

Back then you'd be so lewd, so gross
My boyfriend's best friend, so it's a joke
I had no confidence in you back then, I did lately
But you think you can just talk crazy to me?
I'll break your heart again, I still know how

I hate you for killing our friendship
One of the few people I actually talked to
You promised to always have my back
Now you broke my faith like so many others
I say it's fair game now hun
To break your heart when you think you won

Details | Janet Runyan Poem

My Parents

I love to hear my father's laugh
When he thinks something's funny
I really love to make him laugh
Because he's such a comedian

I love how hard my mother works 
When she has a goal,  she achieves it
I love how judgemental she is at the t.v. 
It just makes me laugh

I love that I'm the perfect mixture of them
My lower face is Mom 
My eyes and forehead are all Dad 
Only they left me out on being tall

I love that family is sacred to them 
That they'll always help us if they can
I love how supportive they are 
I wish they could know how grateful I am

Details | Janet Runyan Poem

Borderline Personality Disorder Ptsd

These secrets of the things I went through
As a child are so hard to keep, so hard to tell
I've made no pact, no promise with the devils
To keep the secrets, I just went through the hells
I don't know how young I was when it started
My earliest clear memories start at about six
But I've had glimpses of things, especially his face 
For as long as I can remember
A doctor does take an oath to never harm or injure
Why, then, would I bleed, years later have to have surgery to
Remove scar tissue built up inside from your evil acts
You are probably why I can't have kids

I can't remember all the times you hit me
Remembering the times you didn't would probably be easier
I know more from the stories like that you started
Because when I was learning to walk I wouldn't walk
To you, I guess you didn't realize you were scaring me
Luckily, or not, another personality formed, not just you
I had to escape the beatings and the rapes, don't take the blame
Sadly that other me stayed
I don't always have control and I feel the need
For things I started at when I was so young
I have forgiven you Dad, you bettered yourself
Now you blame yourself for too much
My need to cut and hurt myself is not your fault

This other me helped me get through so much
As a child who, maybe, couldn't deal with
Remembering all the things I went through
She went through it but had a price
Blood is what she likes so much
A seven year old doesn't understand
And soon the bleeding becomes an addiction
A way to control some of the chaos of a chaotic life
Grown now I try not to do it, but this is one pushy personality
Sometimes it takes more out of me than I have to 
In me to say no to sacrificing to her gods
Sometimes a memory will set her off and she will 
Take over, pushing and shoving me out of the way

I watch from above and to the right
I get it though. I understand how she feels
She always good away after a while
I really want to learn a way to keep her gone for good

This is what it's like to have BPD. What I've written here is the truth but only a part of why I ended up with this disorder. I do believe it started young as I have no memory of being a child and I get nightmares that end up being memories or I hear of the terrible things from my family. 
I hope that being honest about it brings comfort to others who suffer and knowledge to those who never had a reason to understand

Details | Janet Runyan Poem

Take Responsibility

I never told you what to do 
I've never judged a thing about you 
I know who it is I fell in love with 
Flaws and all, you're the one I accepted
Why, then, did you feel the need to to lie? 
I have three rules, don't hit, don't steal, don't lie to me
You broke the lying and stealing outright
I gave you a second chance 
I tried so hard to understand
You say it's because you're addicted to drugs 
I already knew that about you 
I went to family rehab with you and heard the lies you 
          told 
I'm supposed to act like it's nothing? 
You told them the reason you're an addict, everyone has 
          one,
Is because you were molested as a child once 
If that's a reason, I'd be lost in that world, gone
You took my past, betrayed me, condensed it, made it yours
Stole all my trust
You're addicted because you did drugs to run 
You ran and ran til your body and mind said 
I need this more than anything else.
 The past can't cause addiction. 
People with no trauma become addicts too 
I have a past from hell and I made it through
You make the best of what you go through 
And you become the best with what you've got 
Once I thought you were my beloved. Turns out you were just another fool

Details | Janet Runyan Poem

Thanks For the Memories

I try so hard to keep my eyes open.
Try so hard not to see the past,
What you did to me,
Turning back into the helpless child looking for mommy or daddy.
You tell me I was wrong, you must punish me, I cry,
It hurts, what did I do?
You don't know how to answer, only what to do.
Now I have nightmares and in the darkness I see the damage you have done,
Do you know how long it took to fix my mind from all the damage you brought on?
Did you have kids of your own? Did you touch them too?
Have you died yet, are you burning in the hell you put me through?
If only there was a way for me to get to you
Cut those evil hand off and play guys who.
Now I suffer from images of things I can't change
And grow from the dreams of the man I'd love to hang.

Details | Janet Runyan Poem

Flying High

Crystallize your world today
Ride the river the color gray
Young and old all at one time
Seeing no place to draw the line
Have the time of your life today
Again and again learn how to pray
Learn how to read the lines in your hand
Make the gray river silver land
Every step gets you closer to Hell
Temples fall, losing all you once held
Had you ever thought of such a lonely trip?
Mess with the devil, he hits back
Pray and pray for your god to come back
How can things change if you won't?
Every part of your life is like a cruel joke
Testing the waters, you fell in
Asking for help as more troubles begin
Massive waves slap and hold you down
In a moment it feels you might down
Next thing you know you have been saved
Eternally God helps, but you're eternally depraved
Telling yourself everything is alright
When will you learn that this is not life?
Embers burn into the blackest of souls
Another sold to the devil, so cold
Killed the whole idea of you

Details | Janet Runyan Poem

A Slave To Asphalt and Concrete

Driving through this endless desert
I feel so alone, 
Thoughts of you float through my mind
But worse are thoughts of home. 

Home? The shelter? The streets? Parking lots?
Just close enough to what matters most
They say to spread your wings and fly but
I chose the freedom of my small town. 

Now I run from you, from them
From the painful memories
Run to more streets, a place to put my head and       
        sleep
A slave to asphalt and concrete

I tried so hard to make it
Tried to be what you wanted
What they wanted
But in the end I never got it. 

The miles click by, tears fall
A new beginning beyond the next mountain range
Is it possible?
I tried before when things weren't so strange.

Details | Janet Runyan Poem

He Has a Death Wish

He did so many pain killers that should have killed a normal man
Eventually he did enough to catch up to him.
My Dad got him breathing and the hospital took over
Nothing was working in his own
He thought he was Superman and we all had to be at his bedside wondering
Then the doctor said to decide if it was worth taking care of a vegetable
I went to his room alone and yelled at him
How can I go on without my big brother, how could his son make it without his father?
Two hours after we got home he called and was fine

We thought he would be ok. Nobody knew of his death wish
But he overdosed time and again and made it
Then one day we were doing cocaine. Me, his partner in crime
After a while he asked me to watch him, he'd done heroin and wasn't sure if he'd overdone it
And I didn't believe he'd ever do that, go that far, so I didn't believe him
He fell asleep I woke him, he feel asleep again, I couldn't wake him
I lifted his head off his chest and heard the death rattle so I punched him hard in the chest and slapped him in the face
He turned blue so I got my father who couldn't find a heart beat and was ready to call the morgue
Mother insisted he try harder and he started CPR while she dialed 911
When the medics came to get him I told him what he'd done but they didn't find a hole for the needle
He snorted it I said. Not believing me they were gonna bag him so I called his friends
I told them again it was heroin so they gave him a shot of whatever it is. 
They wouldn't let me be there since I'd watched him die. 
Now he's alive but wishes he'd die. After so many times why?
He's got children who love him so much
He's my best friend and I do what I can
But there's only so much you can do when someone only wish is to die
My brother, god love him, has a death wish

Details | Janet Runyan Poem

A Beat Poem

Another slice, another burn, another scar
Something else to hurt and heal
A broken promise, broken faith, no more trust
Something else to steal

Why do we do this to ourselves?
Why do it to each other?
Claim love, carrying, devotion
These ruthless, raw less of emotion

When are they really felt?
It takes years to build trust truly
But the second someone goes away
We can't live without them, love them so much

In relationships, these lies are lethal
We say these words so freely and so readily accept
Yet so often they break
TRUST, FAITH, COMPASSION, HONESTY

Betrayal, disloyalty, lies
This is what modern relationships are billy upon
One side does it, the other accepts
Or does not see what us not wanted
Keep a blind eye and a happy heart

No, I say, do not accept this anymore.
Honest, open relationships are needed
Built on loving, trusting foundations.
Maybe it's just a pipe dream
But I will always strive for that dream
Or remain emotionless
The cold bitch
We all know
And love