Borderline Personality Disorder Ptsd

These secrets of the things I went through As a child are so hard to keep, so hard to tell I've made no pact, no promise with the devils To keep the secrets, I just went through the hells I don't know how young I was when it started My earliest clear memories start at about six But I've had glimpses of things, especially his face For as long as I can remember A doctor does take an oath to never harm or injure Why, then, would I bleed, years later have to have surgery to Remove scar tissue built up inside from your evil acts You are probably why I can't have kids I can't remember all the times you hit me Remembering the times you didn't would probably be easier I know more from the stories like that you started Because when I was learning to walk I wouldn't walk To you, I guess you didn't realize you were scaring me Luckily, or not, another personality formed, not just you I had to escape the beatings and the rapes, don't take the blame Sadly that other me stayed I don't always have control and I feel the need For things I started at when I was so young I have forgiven you Dad, you bettered yourself Now you blame yourself for too much My need to cut and hurt myself is not your fault This other me helped me get through so much As a child who, maybe, couldn't deal with Remembering all the things I went through She went through it but had a price Blood is what she likes so much A seven year old doesn't understand And soon the bleeding becomes an addiction A way to control some of the chaos of a chaotic life Grown now I try not to do it, but this is one pushy personality Sometimes it takes more out of me than I have to In me to say no to sacrificing to her gods Sometimes a memory will set her off and she will Take over, pushing and shoving me out of the way I watch from above and to the right I get it though. I understand how she feels She always good away after a while I really want to learn a way to keep her gone for good This is what it's like to have BPD. What I've written here is the truth but only a part of why I ended up with this disorder. I do believe it started young as I have no memory of being a child and I get nightmares that end up being memories or I hear of the terrible things from my family. I hope that being honest about it brings comfort to others who suffer and knowledge to those who never had a reason to understand