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Best Poems Written by Gary Wayne Hill

Below are the all-time best Gary Wayne Hill poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

Details | Gary Wayne Hill Poem

Dueling Would Be Violins

The vegetable orchestra was about to play
Fred and Ted had to have their way
Both the same, stubborn twins
These two dueling string bean violins

“I’m the lead violin” said Fred
“No you’re not” said violin Ted
“My strings are taught and so fine”
“So what” said Fred, "so are mine"

“And you’re warped in the middle”
“Get lost” said Ted,
“You’re just a second hand fiddle”
“I'm as good as a Stradivari, don’t you know?,
And I have the finest bow”

“That doesn’t matter, you’re still a buffoon,
Oh, and you’re always out of tune”
“Look I’m lead violin, I won’t be thwarted”
An angry Fred String bean, retorted

The argument went on, it never diminished
Until the concert was over and finished
So who won?, that’s another story
Roger the roobarb stole all the glory

For contest 'Show Me The Funny'

Details | Gary Wayne Hill Poem

Doing the Santa Shuffle

Santa’s helpers, take a break
From the toys they like to make
And just for pure fun's sake
They dance the Santa Shuffle

Rudolph with his nose so bright
Likes to dance all through the night
Dances until the morning light
Doing the Santa Shuffle

Frosty Snowman dons his hat
Often he pops in to chat
And when he is all done with that
He does the Santa Shuffle

Mrs Claus is in the pink
Gives her husband a cheeky wink
Perhaps she’s had too much to drink
She’s doing the Santa Shuffle

Santa, resting by the fire
Thinking that he might retire
Suddenly has the strange desire
To do the Santa Shuffle

So why don’t we all take this chance?
To do this festive yearly dance
Mistletoe, wine, who knows, romance
Let’s do the Santa Shuffle

Details | Gary Wayne Hill Poem

Elf

I am a little elf
Tinier than a mouse
I live in a bluebell forest
In a mushroom house

I don’t have a lot of money
If I did that would be cool
I could upgrade my living quarters
Into a top of the range toadstool

Living in a mushroom house
Has its down side you see
Pesky giants keep coming along
And take it for their tea

If I could afford a poisonous toadstool 
Giants would never come near
And I could live out my days
In peace without any fear

No, giants and I don’t mix
I wish they’d stay clear from my zone
We would get along much better
If they didn’t eat me out of house and home

It seems it’s only me that they pick on
I really don’t know why
If they stopped eating, got to know me well
They’d see I was quite a ‘fungi’

Details | Gary Wayne Hill Poem

Typically Luke Poem 5 - Greedy Little Pig

Luke treats eating like a contest
An all that you can eat
Luke scoffs down everything
Fills himself down to his feet

Today he swallowed down six doughnuts
He gobbled up some pies
He munched his way through a chocolate cake
Two hamburgers and some fries

Luke was very pleased with himself
Acting like he’d won the cup
But then everything he’d eaten 
Just came right back up

Though we did present him with a prize
But for Luke it caused more distress
As we handed him a mop and bucket
To clean up all the mess.

And it did him no good complaining
That his tummy hurts
This greedy little pig
Got his just deserts.

Details | Gary Wayne Hill Poem

Typically Luke Poem 4 - First Day At School

It’s Luke's first day at school today
I wonder how he’s getting on
I hope he is behaving himself
I hope the crayons haven’t all gone

Because Luke is partial to crayons
He seems to just love wax
He sees a pack of crayons
As some exotic snacks

I wonder if he will make a friend
I hope he’s not a bully
No, Luke is far too nice for that
So I guess I shouldn’t worry

He looked really cute in his uniform
Smart jumper, trousers and sandals
But he will be home for tea real soon
So I'm off to hide the candles.

Details | Gary Wayne Hill Poem

Typically Luke Poem 6 - Bubble Trouble

Luke always likes
To try out something new
And today he decided
That he would drink shampoo
 
Of course it made him feel quite sick
But that’s the least of all his troubles
Because now every time he opens his mouth
Out float a million bubbles
 
And bubbles come from his nose
And bubbles come from his ears
And now every time he cries
He cries bubbles instead of tears
 
I don’t think he will again
Put shampoo in his tum
Especially now that bubbles
Are coming from his bum
 
Though I suppose there is a bright side
He’s sure to impress his friends
When they see that Luke
Can blow bubbles from both ends.

Details | Gary Wayne Hill Poem

Typically Luke Poem 18 - Taking Photographs

Luke got hold of a camera
 And went on a picture taking spree
 He took a picture of his baby brother
 He took a picture of me
  
He took a picture of his nan
 He took a picture of his mum
 He even took a picture
 Of the dog, while it was licking its bum
  
But Luke was holding the camera
 Completely the wrong way round
 It wasn’t until we saw the photos
 That all that was to be found
  
Were not the pictures we were expecting
 All we ended up with instead
 Were lots and lots of photos
 Of Luke’s shiny forehead.

Details | Gary Wayne Hill Poem

Chocolate Charlie

Chocolate Charlie, a fruit and nutter
Made from milk, cocoa and butter
Chocolate Charlie, so very sweet
From the top of his head
Right down to his feet
He has little chocolate fingers
And little chocolate toes
With chocolate eyes and ears
And a chocolate button nose
Chocolate Charlie, a little bit wacky
Left out in the sun can get a little bit tacky
Chocolate Charlie so yummy and scrummy
Sadly no longer with us
Because he is inside my tummy.

Details | Gary Wayne Hill Poem

Grumpy Monkey

What a grumpy monkey you are
The grumpiest of monkeys I’ve seen by far
Have they taken your bananas, stolen your grapes?
Is that the reason you’re the grumpiest of apes?

You are usually quite mellow, not pent up with rage
But wait……..are you running free, or stuck in a cage?
For if you are not running wild and free
Then it is little wonder it’s a grumpy monkey I see

Or is there something more profound on your mind?
Like the state of the world run by mankind
Forests are dwindling and not in great shape
Maybe the world would be better if run by an ape

While sitting in judgement sat staring at me
Don’t judge all mankind by the world that you see
For just like monkeys there are good and there’s bad
That we can’t work together, is that why you’re sad?

Details | Gary Wayne Hill Poem

I Knew a Man

I knew a man from Kent, so did I
Hiding a bomb in his pants he did try
One day while in Dover
He tripped and fell over
And was last seen kissing his own ass goodbye