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Ashley Smeltzer Poem
If ever a
song were to be
written about
me, I would
want it to be in a
minor key, where the
notes may not
match, but,
somehow, they
go,
creating the
harmonies that are
my life.
If ever a
song were to be
written about
me,I would
want it to be
smooth and
lyrical, but with a
beat that
pulses,
booms,
accelerates, and
slows,
weaving
together all of the
strength, and the
beauty, and the
spirit, and the
power that
I have, and that
I am.
If ever a
song were to be
written about
me, I would
want it to be a
song about
joy, about
sorrow, about
love, about the
tenacity it
takes to be that
song, and to
make it a
good one.
If ever a
song about
me were to be
written,
if ever a
song about
me were to be
played, then
my
voice
would be
heard,
my
story
would be
told, and
those who
listened would
know that
I
have
lived.
Copyright © Ashley Smeltzer | Year Posted 2012
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Ashley Smeltzer Poem
I am the leaves in the trees
and the critters that crawl
when the sun is sleeping,
the pleasant and gentle wind
that tangles through your hair,
the writhing of your toes
in the warm sand.
I am the reason every kiss
feels like the first,
the exhilaration in his eye when he sees you.
I am the lighthearted laughter
you don’t recall enjoying this much,
the naïve i-love-yous
And the intensity of that summer fling,
the haze
of the days when it all
seemed so simple.
I am those forbidden late-night phone calls,
and sneaking out in the small hours,
that unforgettable feeling of fleeting beauty
and the man in the moon:
through crater eyes I watch
heartbreak sneak up
on you.
I am the delicate complexity of the web
and how effortlessly it can be destroyed,
just as trust and hope
can be broken with the flick of a wrist.
I am the uplifting optimism
of a young girl
laughing for a world with distressing simplicity.
She knows not the ugliness
it has yet to offer her.
I am snow,
crystallized beauty,
graceful gaiety in its finest,
mindlessly drifting through its short life,
soon to join the others,
the fallen soldiers.
I am secrets,
utterings you hear in the night.
I am the beast under your bed,
waiting patiently
for you to rest your feet near,
so I can consume you,
coil my way around your chine
And grey the flame
in your eyes.
I am fear,
loneliness,
depression,
addiction,
mutilation.
I am recovery,
refuge,
renewal.
I am your worst and your best.
But never your only.
Copyright © Ashley Smeltzer | Year Posted 2012
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Ashley Smeltzer Poem
When the spring rain falls, I feel renewed. I feel that I have nothing to worry about.
The thunder blocks out the cries on the streets. The cry of helpless children. The thunder blocks out my screams. But it does not block out the screaming inside me. The lightning lights up the world. It exposes the good and the bad. It exposes some of the deepest, darkest secrets. But it does not expose my secrects. It does not expose me. It does not expose my pain. The spring rain cleanses the Earth. It wipes away the world's wrong doings. It wipes away my tears. It makes me feel like the world isn't only mad at me, The spring rain covers up my sins, It wipes away my sadness but only for a minute, when the spring rain stops, I'm hurt and sore all over again. When the spring rain stops, I feel hopeless. When the spring rain stops, I wish it would start again. When the spring rain stops, I wish that it never started. When the spring rain stops, I feel like there is no meaning in life. When the spring rain stops, I feel like I want to die.
Copyright © Ashley Smeltzer | Year Posted 2012
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Ashley Smeltzer Poem
Love-Heartbreak
Those moments when you unknowingly give your heart to the one you love.
The feeling of butterflies in the very pit of your stomach when they ease into your mind.
The smile which graces upon the world, reaching your eyes when they are near.
The special glow you cast for all to see, which brightens with their gentle touch.
The warmth and protection you snuggle closer to in their arms.
The places you lay memories; as you share every moment together.
The all out joy you give one another to make sure you are pleased evenly.
The nights you laugh as random things, just to see a smile.
The days you could watch TV, not speaking a word; yet the comfort of the other is near.
The holidays you brand with a toast of wine, over candle light.
The three words you utter occasionally, making time stand still.
To never feeling alone because one heart beats for the other.
The time when tears only fall when forever is placed on a finger.
The dreams you share; to bid a future that harness true love.
That is Love
The anxiety that something is wrong; when words are no longer enough.
The harsh words that leave the mouth, scarring the butterflies away.
The end of smiles as frowns and lines of worry are born.
The glow that dies into depression as skin turns pale; eyes lose there shine.
The cold of their back as they sleep facing away and far from you.
The separation they want; time alone to search new memories.
The gifts which ends, because the care is no longer there.
The nights you spend in completely different rooms contemplating reasons.
The days watching TV on the floor as the other is on the bed browsing the computer.
The holidays spent away, at families; wondering what the other is doing.
Those lovely three words die; reborn into three different words.
The heart beat which once was strong, beating painfully slow each night.
The time tears fall for no reason through the days unknowingly.
The nightmares that plague you, until you become ill.
That is Heartbreak
Copyright © Ashley Smeltzer | Year Posted 2012
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Ashley Smeltzer Poem
I want to run, I want to hide.
From all the pain he caused inside.
I want to scream, I want to cry.
Why can't I tell him Goodbye?
I want to move on, I just can't let go.
I love him more than he will ever know.
I want to start over, I want to feel free!
But this pain will never leave me be.
He hurt me bad, the pain is deep.
From all the promises he couldn't keep.
All the lies, I heard him say.
Are in my head and just won't fade.
How can I forget him, leave the him behind.
Erase the memories from my mind.
He doesn't love me, and he never will.
He will never care, how I feel.
Copyright © Ashley Smeltzer | Year Posted 2012
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Ashley Smeltzer Poem
I am disposable-
No smile can illuminate me
No song can make me dance
There is no rhythm in my family
I cannot make harmony
With a voice that’s belting a different tune
I was not made for this
I may look like watercolor paint
But I cannot blend
I am oil paint
I stain
I am not right
I can only be me
I am disposable
Copyright © Ashley Smeltzer | Year Posted 2012
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Ashley Smeltzer Poem
I thought we had it all
We were so young and naive
I thought I was in love with you
But I didn't know what love was
After all I'm only fourteen
And I keep on holding on
To the thought that you would never let me go
But I was wrong
You did let me go
You left me broken and heartless
Crying out for help
With no one to answer my calls.
Copyright © Ashley Smeltzer | Year Posted 2012
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Ashley Smeltzer Poem
Far,
Faraway it now seems,
The place I once had for my dreams.
Basketball
I had hopes
So high
Just to find
It was all for nigh.
Our shifty season ended oh so fast
Everyone just collapsed.
Expected to do so well,
Then surprised when we didn’t do so swell.
I wish
That I could change the past.
To utilize the use of time elapsed.
Already I feel the nostalgia approaching
The trepidation of never again playing encroaching
After learning at long last
The cold courts are gone to me
Until life’s last.
Copyright © Ashley Smeltzer | Year Posted 2012
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Ashley Smeltzer Poem
You said you loved me
you said you cared
But you cannot see
all this pain that I have endured.
I feel as if you're lying
and cannot stop my crying.
What did I do to deserve all this pain
all this pain that I cannot sustain...
You say you've change
but all you're referring to,
is that thing in your pants
that you cannot contain.
You call yourself a "player"
you call yourself a "beast"
But all I see standing in front of me,
is a lying cheating thief.
You stole my heart
you took my pride
And threw it all back in my face,
with no surprise.
Now I see that you never loved me...
and that you've always loved her..
Now I see..
as these painful tears stream down my face,
That I was never in your heart...
You never loved me...
Copyright © Ashley Smeltzer | Year Posted 2012
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Ashley Smeltzer Poem
I want to cry
I want to scream
I want to tell you mostly
I hate that I'm so afraid of everything
I hate that you’re the one thing I want the most but can't have
I hate that you let me go before I got even got to say goodbye
I wish that you would come back to me
I wish I were strong enough to say no to you
I wish I could believe my own lies I use to cover up the pain you left
I need to move on says my head
I need to hold on says my heart
I need to decide says my mind
I envy the way this hasn’t hurt you at all
I envy her
I envy the fact you don’t understand what this feels like at all
I want to hurt you
I want to be with you
I want this nightmare to be over
I wish I could make things they were before you
I wish I could change time
I wish I could change you
I wish I could have hurt you before you hurt me
I wish I would have given you the letter when I wanted
I need you out of my thoughts
I need you out of my heart
I need to start doing things for me
I hate that you used me
I hate that I gave you something I can never have back
I hate that I wasted it with you
I'm tired of hoping aimlessly for you
I'm tired of wanting something I can't have
I'm tired of hurting me for things that aren’t my fault
I'm sorry I was good enough
I'm sorry I defended you when everyone else was right
I'm sorry I couldn’t make you happy
Funny though how you never once said sorry for hurting me,
for breaking me,
for not loving me
Copyright © Ashley Smeltzer | Year Posted 2012
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