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Tanyea Toney-Massie Poem
A lot of people take freedom, liberty, and even sleep for granted. They don't understand what it takes for them to be afforded those priveledges. They don't know how it feels to be on edge about everything that you hear. They don't know how it feels to be afraid to sleep. The don't know about the thunderous boom sound that makes your heart beat as fast as it can that becomes as normal as a telephone ring. You never know when or where the next boom will be, but you stay on edge hoping that it doesn't come in your direction. You lose sleep worrying about yourself, your friends, if you will ever see your children, if you will ever enjoy the place you call home, if you will go home as normal as you were when you left. Sometimes you find yourself alone with your thoughts and you just think about all the what ifs and find yourself filled with regret. There will be people giving advice, but they will never truly understand what you are going through. I guess we all find our way back to sanity eventually. We just have to learn how to make the crazy things normal. This is the path that we chose. These are the choices we made. We chose to support the country, no matter how big, or how small the role is that we have here. This is what separates us from everyone else. This is the life of a deployed soldier.
Copyright © Tanyea Toney-Massie | Year Posted 2012
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Tanyea Toney-Massie Poem
Y is it that after all the hell u put me thru, u get 2 fall in love and be happy? U get to choose if u like a person while i choose not to fearing that they may someday get close to my heart. Y is it that after all of these yrs I still get butterflies when I c u? Y is it that like a junkie, after everytime I c u, I have to go thru detox? After just 1 taste, I'm hooked. Just like the very first time. How do u let go of ur 1st everything without losing who u r? Y is it that u never lose sleep, while I have endless sleepless nights? Y is it that when u c me, u still stare at me like ur seein me for the first time? I can still see the innocence that once lived there. I guess u cant help who ur heart chooses. I'm in love. ur not.
unfair love exchange
Copyright © Tanyea Toney-Massie | Year Posted 2012
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Tanyea Toney-Massie Poem
Theres a difference between leaving someone and being pushed away. I think it's impossible to love someone that is full of doubt. they spend so much time putting themselves down that u second guess y u even considered loving them. i want to love u so bad, but how can i if u dont let me? u want me to trust u when in reality u dont trust u. i went to bat for us. i changed my plans to whatever u had planned just so we could be together. all for what? so u can say i deserve better. dont tell me what i deserve. i wanted u. i chose u. how can u blame me for loving u when u made it so easy? how could loving u go from being so easy to almost impossible in just a few days? i figured it out. if u dont think ur worthy, y should i? if u think i can do better, i think i should start looking. maybe u have a point. y should i settle for love when i can be with someone that has money or something, right? that sounds like a plan. a dumb one. u dont love somebody for what they can buy. u love them for how they make u feel and what great things yall can do together. sometimes people need space. i guess this is our sometimes. y fight a losing battle? sometimes its just easier to read about in books that stop at the good part. they get married n live happier ever after. the end.
Copyright © Tanyea Toney-Massie | Year Posted 2012
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Tanyea Toney-Massie Poem
I said it was over
My heart didn't mean it though
but after the years, and the tears, and the lies
I think it's time
my heart is not ready
but my spirit is done
I'm not in the game anymore
I don't want to play games anymore
I just can't take anymore
staring out the window while the rain falls
wishing
hoping
praying
while my soul cries
and inside I slowly die with sorrow filled eyes
I envelope pain
and the combination of well-wishes and death-wishes fill my brain
I'm stuck
but not really
everyone knows that to get out of quicksand, you just have to slow down!!
Copyright © Tanyea Toney-Massie | Year Posted 2015
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Tanyea Toney-Massie Poem
I don't really like to question God too much but sometimes I have to ask. Y? I never really fit in anywhere. I was always either too much or not enough. Nothing ever makes me happy. I have never been the best at doing anything. I always say I'm still young and I'm finding myself, but time is going and I'm still in the same place that I've been trying to move from. I thought I found love once, but that was taken away and given to someone I guess God felt was more deserving. I never loved the same. I thought I found my place in the world, but once again that was taken away just like the love I thought I found. Sometimes I look in the mirror and a sadness coats my eyes. I look deeper and I feel shame. I just wander off into pointless dreams that happiness does exist SOMEWHERE. I gave up on many things. Even God at one point. I thought to myself that there's no way God would allow his child to live in such dark spirits. It's true that one event can change a lifetime. I was a kid. I knew it was wrong, but I guess I should've never been there. Why do I even care about it? It was over ten years ago. I thought time would heal everything. That's my favorite line. I can handle everything because in time it will get better. BS. You never forget. Experiences control who you become. I hate that people always views my life as an easy task. I guess you never understand what makes a strong person stand tall when chaos is everywhere until you become that person. I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason, but I never figure out the reason. Why is my life not the way I want it to be? I try hard to get what I want out of life and although I have all the pieces it never seems to come together. Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful for the things I have, but some things aren't as valuable to others. I'm tired of putting my life on hold. When do I get a chance to be the person that I am inside? When feel the sadness leave me? When will I no longer have to deal with the shame? When will I find my calling? Where do I belong in this world? Better question, Y am I here? Looking for my place..... Lost!!!!!
Copyright © Tanyea Toney-Massie | Year Posted 2012
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Tanyea Toney-Massie Poem
sometimes i wanna give up, but a part of me still believes that it exists. i try 2 b tough n pretend i dont want it, but every little girl dreams of it. the process is wonderful, but the end result is misery. i hate that i cant let my guard down because i want it so bad. same song, different artist. heard it all before. you might love me, and i might want to believe you, but in my eyes all i see is future lies. faults that havent been uncovered. foreseen heartache. restless nights and disappointment. so y should i get caught up in this dream? y should i believe you when ive been right about all of your predecessors? what makes you so special that i should give you access to my heart? Y am i even caught up in this explaination? y do i feel the need to check the gates around my feelings? Y do i find myself missing you? y am i wanting to say those frightful words? omg... this cant be happening... i think im..............................falling
Copyright © Tanyea Toney-Massie | Year Posted 2012
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