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Nicole Beesley Poem
I have this friend, no scratch that, I USED to have this friend.
I first met her when I was 14.
She was cool. She made me feel strong, beautiful, powerful;
She made me feel like I was in control.
Funny how I thought I could control HER.
When I was with her, I felt invincible.
She gave off the impression that I could always control her,
And it felt good.
We were best friends, did everything together...
Except eat. We never really did that together.
Sometimes we fought.
The fights usually lasted a few months, maybe longer.
During those fights, we didn't do anything together.
Thinking back now, those were amazing times.
I'm now 18, and I haven't talked to her for about 5 months.
We had the biggest fight shortly after I started college.
The fight happened because I came to some realizations;
I was never truly in control of her.
She made me think that, but, SHE was in control of ME.
She didn't make me strong or powerful; instead I was weak and hopeless.
Like I said, I don't talk to her anymore, but
I can still feel her, hear her calling my name.
Crazier yet, a lot of people know her.
Some are still under her control, but others broke free.
My advice to them is to get out, get help, talk to someone.
When she is gone, you'll never miss her.
I don't, and it's been 5 months since I've talked with
ANA.
written about my battle with anorexia.
Copyright © Nicole Beesley | Year Posted 2012
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Nicole Beesley Poem
Don’t get mad, hear me through
You’re not my dad you know
Sure, there are some similarities
Height, facial hair, brown eyes, but that’s about it
The size, hair color, and attitude are all different
My dad says he cares
You don’t
My dad always tries to prove things to us
You don’t
My dad says he’s there if we need him
You don’t
Ya, you both say “I love you”, but it’s different somehow
The main reason you’re not my dad is because....
You don’t say you care, because we know it
You don’t say you’ll be there, because we see that
You don’t try to prove things to us, because we trust you
And last but not least
When you say “I love you”, you mean it
See...now you know why you’re not my dad
Aren’t you glad you heard me through?
Written for Father's Day in 2010 for my step-dad
Copyright © Nicole Beesley | Year Posted 2011
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Nicole Beesley Poem
A young doctor with no friends asked God to give him patience. The next day the doctor walked into his office and there was five patients waiting for him, more than usual. The first patient was a young boy in a wheelchair because he had lost his legs to cancer. During the check-up the boy was very rude, but the doctor remained calm. The second patient was a man with one leg. He weighed 420 pounds and needed fitted for prosthesis. Since the doctor was the only one at the office at the time, he had to do it by himself. He was supposed to get the man up and out of the chair. Even though it was hard, he did his best and stayed calm. The last patients were a family of three with burns. One was three. He was scared and crying. His sister was five and was yelling. The mother was a widow, was hysterical and couldn’t do anything. The doctor got them treated properly.
That night he as he lay in bed he asked “God, I asked for patience, not patients.” That night he had a dream. God said to him, “I can’t give you something you already have; I can help you realize it though.” The young doctor asked, “What?” God said, “I can’t give you patience, but I can give you friends.” The young doctor again asked what, but the dream was gone.
The next day the doctor went to work still pondering the dream. When he arrived he was surprised to see the patients he had treated the day before standing there well with nothing wrong. He looked at the guy with one leg, but now had two and said “You have two legs.” The guy, said yes, and you have friends. The doctor started to ask what, but they were gone.
That next day the doctor did something he hadn’t done for ever, he went to church. When the preacher had alter call, the doctor stood up and said, “This might not be the time but I have a story to tell”. When he finished he realized God was right, he did have patience. It just took five special people to help bring it out. The whole church wanted to talk to him after the service.
He got one thing out of this ordeal that he had wanted for his whole life, friends. He also realized that everyone has patience; it just takes time to bring it out.
I am not saying his five patients were angels, but I am not saying they weren’t.
Copyright © Nicole Beesley | Year Posted 2011
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Nicole Beesley Poem
The Day it happened I will never forget
The thought stills fills me with regret
The fact that man could be so full of hatred
That they are willing to kill
And be killed
It makes no sense
It makes me wonder what this world is coming to
Every year marks the anniversary
Of one of the saddest events
No one cheers
No one dances
This isn’t a fun time
This date is nothing to be proud of
There is nothing to sing about
You might know what I am talking about
Or maybe not
What I am talking about is a bad day
The day we made many enemies
The day that hundreds, thousands of people lost their lives
Now do you know what I am talking about?
Still no?
Here maybe this will help
9-11
No, not the emergency number
The actual date
On this date four planes were hijacked and crashed
One in a Pennsylvania field,
Another in the Pentagon
But worst of all
Two in the Twin Towers
Friends, neighbors, and family
They lost their lives
Now every minute of everyday
The families of these people
Have to suffer through the pain
The pain of loss
And the pain of knowing that their loved ones won’t come back
They must feel like there is no hope
Wonder what this world has come to
Sometimes so do I
So do I
Copyright © Nicole Beesley | Year Posted 2011
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Nicole Beesley Poem
What is the meaning of life
I want to know
Please do tell
People just say well...
They don’t know
Some say cars
Others say doe
But it’s beyond that
Beyond the stars
Look all around you
Look all around me
Friends, neighbors, family
This is all true
But the meaning of life
Is being with you
Copyright © Nicole Beesley | Year Posted 2011
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Nicole Beesley Poem
Go ahead and hate me
But you will never break me
The devils got nothing on me
I wont be shook I'll stand my ground
Cuz I cant ever be turned around
I'm following the One’s that’s straight and true
Man I wish I could say the same for you
Ive been forgiven, I've been made new
That dang ol' devils got some work to do
He may think he can get me
But I'll hold true
To the one who loves me no matter what I do
So go ahead and say what you please
But I'm down here on my knees
My head is bowed my hands are high
Man, someday I hope you meet this Guy
His words are true, His love goes on
He even forgives you of your wrong
So don’t hold back
Come on down
Take your part of this starry crown
This story aint done
There's no way I'm through
Cuz the devils still got a hold of you
Repent of your sins
And turn around
Come on and stand on this solid ground
God will save you, don’t worry bout a thing
It don't matter where you been
He just wants your praise and faithfulness
Come to Him and you'll find rest
It aint that hard, you can do it
Cuz man, my God will help you through it
Copyright © Nicole Beesley | Year Posted 2012
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Nicole Beesley Poem
Cleaning my room the other day
I found an old photo
It was of a beautiful little girl
She had dark hair, dark as night
And the biggest blue eyes I’ve ever seen
I couldn’t believe it, this was me!
I must’ve been around 7
Then I looked closer, it wasn’t me
The girl was smiling, I never smile
This girl had no bruises, but had her innocence
I was opposite, bruises and no innocence
This girl had never been beat or rapped, or forgotten
She was perfect
I almost asked who the girl was,
Then decided I shouldn’t,
Something told me she was gone,
Forever
I looked again at the old photo
Shocked by the resemblance
The longer I looked,
The more I remembered
A life without beatings and rape.
Then I shuddered and threw the photo away
It was of a girl long dead and long gone
She didn’t exist anymore
Copyright © Nicole Beesley | Year Posted 2011
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Nicole Beesley Poem
Don’t fear
Take my hand
I am here
Don’t be sad
I’ll stay near
Don’t be mad
I’ll make it clear
Take my hand dear friend
Stay by my side
Follow my steps
I’ll show you the way
Follow me to the depths
Where you can stay
Forever in my heart
Through night and day
We’ll never part
A promise I’ll keep
Till we pass
And meet at last
Where the angels never weep
Copyright © Nicole Beesley | Year Posted 2011
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Nicole Beesley Poem
Always there for me
With a hand to hold
When my world has grown cold
A soft touch when I am sick
A firm hand to discipline
There through thick and thin
Until things got better again
I’ve yelled at you
Yet you still love me
I’ve disobeyed you
And your love for me
Still exists
So goes the simple gifts
All the love I don’t deserve
You always give
And always will
As long as we both shall live
I’m trying to say sorry
For the things I’ve done
You don’t deserve to be yelled at
For you’ve done nothing wrong
So don’t think you have failed
The hard times shall pass
And the love shall always prevail
Written for Mother's Day 2007
Copyright © Nicole Beesley | Year Posted 2011
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Nicole Beesley Poem
Curtain opens, enter child and man
Yelling followed by crying is heard
It becomes louder and more prominent
Man raises hand toward child
Child shrinks and cowers in fear
Distant sound of slap is heard
Whimper is heard, sound only an animal would make
Cries of fear and pain from child
Sounds of hate and anger from man
Sky turns dark, night has fallen
Man exits stage left
Child lays in heap center stage
Body is torn, broken, and lifeless
Curtain closes, no applause
The Final Act has ended
Copyright © Nicole Beesley | Year Posted 2011
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