Talking With Ana
I have this friend, no scratch that, I USED to have this friend.
I first met her when I was 14.
She was cool. She made me feel strong, beautiful, powerful;
She made me feel like I was in control.
Funny how I thought I could control HER.
When I was with her, I felt invincible.
She gave off the impression that I could always control her,
And it felt good.
We were best friends, did everything together...
Except eat. We never really did that together.
Sometimes we fought.
The fights usually lasted a few months, maybe longer.
During those fights, we didn't do anything together.
Thinking back now, those were amazing times.
I'm now 18, and I haven't talked to her for about 5 months.
We had the biggest fight shortly after I started college.
The fight happened because I came to some realizations;
I was never truly in control of her.
She made me think that, but, SHE was in control of ME.
She didn't make me strong or powerful; instead I was weak and hopeless.
Like I said, I don't talk to her anymore, but
I can still feel her, hear her calling my name.
Crazier yet, a lot of people know her.
Some are still under her control, but others broke free.
My advice to them is to get out, get help, talk to someone.
When she is gone, you'll never miss her.
I don't, and it's been 5 months since I've talked with
ANA.
written about my battle with anorexia.
Copyright © Nicole Beesley | Year Posted 2012
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