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Jason Talbott Poem
There once was a lady named "Mom"
Who had a hard time keeping calm.
But she knows how to sew
And garden and mow
And she's a farmer on facebook.com
She's a grandma to Mel and Harmony
She's a young wife for "Gramps" who's 70!
She calms the waters
Of her four lovely daughters
And best of all she puts up with me.
Copyright © Jason Talbott | Year Posted 2011
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Jason Talbott Poem
I write Star Wars limericks with aplomb.
'Cuz Star Wars is simply the bomb!
But they don't appear
On this nice website here,
They're at Starwarslimericks dot blogspot dot com!
No special effects there, I'm sorry.
A few pictures but nothing too gory.
I start at the beginning
And I keep on spinning
Retelling the whole Star Wars story!
Copyright © Jason Talbott | Year Posted 2011
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Jason Talbott Poem
When your tooth aches, life just is no good.
There's some aches that can't be withstood.
Stubbed toes I can handle
They don't hold a candle
To the pain that doth test my manhood.
The unmistakable look on my face
Like I swallowed the whole can of mace
And I can't be for certain
Exactly which tooth is hurtin'
Please pull them ALL out, just in case.
Dental hygiene is good and deserves
All the praise for the teeth it preserves.
But when it starts to slip,
Pass the Polident Dentu-Grip.
The great thing about dentures...no nerves!
Copyright © Jason Talbott | Year Posted 2011
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Jason Talbott Poem
Grandpa was a jolly old winker.
And I was a nine year old stinker.
He was a fish getter
But I did him one better...
I caught Grandpa... hook, line, and sinker!
Copyright © Jason Talbott | Year Posted 2011
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Jason Talbott Poem
In arithmetic, he wasn't strong.
This math quiz was taking so long.
It was hard to divide.
Still, he tried till he cried,
but the answers kept coming out wrong.
He would solve and immediately doubt
if he'd taken the most proper route.
He'd retry, but alas,
by the end of the class,
his eraser was simply worn out.
The bell rang. The quiz was now due,
but his sheet was a sad sight to view.
There was nothing but air
in assorted spots where
the eraser wore all the way through.
The tests were collected and sent
to the teacher for grading. She went
through each page in the stack
and then handed them back.
He saw his grade: ninety percent!
He pondered his luck with a frown...
To the head of the class from class clown?
Was he smart? Well not quite,
every one he got right
had shown through from the next paper down!
Copyright © Jason Talbott | Year Posted 2011
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Jason Talbott Poem
Fuzzily Wuzzily
Benjamin Gib-a-ney
Grew him a beard which was
Coming in fine.
Then he found out he had
Pogonophobia.
He can shave his, but he'd
Best not touch mine.
Copyright © Jason Talbott | Year Posted 2011
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Jason Talbott Poem
I saw the huge beast from the dock.
The scene evoked bowel loosening shock.
Run and hide, Nessie!
It's about to get messy.
Rosie O'Donnell* is swimming in the Loch.
(*or insert your "favorite" celebrity name here)
Copyright © Jason Talbott | Year Posted 2011
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Jason Talbott Poem
A Remarkable Occurrence in an Unknown Location Witnessed by a Handful of Beings
Who Most People Say Don't Exist
There's a place that no human has seen
In the depths of a forest, pristine.
In a range called "Cascades,"
A great shyness pervades
In the lair of the Sasquatches' queen.
An event will be soon taking place
Of import to the whole Sasquatch race.
In a dimly lit cave,
Mrs. Squatch, being brave,
Has a look of concern on her face.
All six Sasquatches came here to meet,
And behold the new face they will greet.
Finally, it begins.
The queen gives birth to twins.
In existance are now eight Bigfeet!
Copyright © Jason Talbott | Year Posted 2011
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Jason Talbott Poem
I wear an ID badge for my group.
It dangles down from my belt loop.
I have anonymity
When I stand up to pee
But it gives me away when I poop.
Copyright © Jason Talbott | Year Posted 2011
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Jason Talbott Poem
No, Monopoly isn't too speedy
And the deals you make often are seedy.
Common sense then, forbids
Me to teach to my kids,
But I did, and it made their dad greedy.
Now, my daughters are sweet little dears,
They're eleven and nine (in earth years).
So we sat down on stools
And I taught them the rules,
An hour later, someone was in tears.
I was mean and I pushed and I bossed,
Played to win, didn't care what it cost.
But my kids are too smart.
Despite daddy's black heart,
The next thing I new, I had lost.
So a word to the wise from a guy
Who's afternoon plans went awry:
If you can't stand to lose
To your kids, then don't chose
Monopoly, they'll see you cry!
For "Monopoly the Game of Life" contest
by Jason Talbott
Copyright © Jason Talbott | Year Posted 2011
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