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Alexander Schwartz Poem
I feel myself going rigid
You don't need to tell me, darling
It's my body after all
I feel myself going quiet
Like I've never known what is was to speak in flowers even though that's not true
I feel myself fading beyond grasp
Because fear fades faster than any firework could
And the boom in my chest hurts even louder
Clock hands aren't meant to move backwards
And I'm wondering what that means for us and the sum of our blurry past
Rivers only move in one direction
I envy the water even when it's angry
I want to become gentle like the run off and not hard like I feel now
I want to find expiation in your words like a forgotten bill in my pocket but I know these things are only wishful thinking
I took a walk in my head all the way past the dying and dead
Past the freshly broken and back to the beginning of things
And what I saw there stole my breath because beauty hurts in the past just like I'm still living there
And we both know that part of me always will
I took a walk and found that disaster never strikes when one is prepared for it
Sing me a song, my lover
About how the leaves stay green in some places despite the cold
Despite the storms
Sing me a song but only if it's a true story and with that music in your mouth let me kiss you and taste a melody instead of ambulance sirens
You tell me I'm not trying, love
But if that were true you wouldn't hear my voice anymore than I hear god
If that were true I would have stopped answering the phone
You say I'm not trying because I'm sitting still
When in fact that's the only proof you should need
My very bones tell me to flee and yet here I am
But if that's not good enough for you, my love
I'll do the kindest thing
I'm gone, baby
I'm gone
Copyright © Alexander Schwartz | Year Posted 2016
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Alexander Schwartz Poem
I cry until my entrails are laid out before me.
I watch the vultures,
My insecurities feast on my nerve ridden stomach.
I’ve repeated the cycle for many days.
My love forever stains
This sea of linens which was once our home.
The call of the sirens is strong
And resisting drives us mad.
How do I know my attempts are not in vein?
Is this futile?
The upkeep of this tree outnumbers the fruit.
I do not blame nature.
I allowed this.
As soon as I walk away you fully blossom.
I was always cursed with bad timing.
I must now focus on my own flowers sprouting
Before I plant anymore seeds.
You will continue to grow
As you always have.
And I’ll still marvel at your beauty from afar.
What a grand tree you were.
I retract my own roots and return to my bed.
I reminisce until I drift away.
Becoming a prisoner of my head.
Seeing pictures of you and me
And dreaming of what was and what will be.
Copyright © Alexander Schwartz | Year Posted 2010
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Alexander Schwartz Poem
Hopeful doesn’t mean stupid
That doesn’t mean I wasn’t stupid
I was in a state and messed up
Simple as that.
I could dramatize
Spill all the stars from my eyes and mouth and cry out for answers but,
I won’t.
My spirit can dance alone.
A lapse in judgement will not throw it off beat because it dances to a cosmic drum. My heartbeat and no one else’s.
Dropped my shield
Set myself on fire
Burned up a daft dream
And fell to ashes.
I’ve proven to relate to the phoenix
Both of us know what it’s like to die a quick death and come back stronger
Time and time again
Our ashes swirl into the manifestation of our desires and in that I find my comfort.
Boulders
Hard topped, granite counters
Tough as nails kid
But kid is man or at least he pretends to be.
Smart phones aren’t so smart but, I’m writing this on one
Sedatives and sad, country music mood swims through my veins.
Excuse me, while I go have a drink with that phoenix.
Copyright © Alexander Schwartz | Year Posted 2013
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Alexander Schwartz Poem
Catching Fire
Some of us are watching the skies for works of fire
While some of us are quietly catching it.
Which are you?
Copyright © Alexander Schwartz | Year Posted 2013
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Alexander Schwartz Poem
You think you’ve gone just far enough,
I could smile knowing you’ve gone far enough that you can’t go back again
You think you were careful but,
I’ve caught a glimpse of your true, wretched form
You think you can find a way into my good graces
I’ve seen what you are, monsters with a friendly costume
You can’t deceive me anymore and, I don’t consort with serpents
You think I’m a game to be played but, trust me, you could never win
Don’t underestimate me
You think I’m a joke but, trust me you won’t be laughing
You think I’m just talking myself up but, trust me, you’re the ones going down
My eyes took too long to adjust
Better late than never
It may take a monster to know one but, I promise my teeth are sharper than yours
My first reaction to the hideous revelation that was your form was to weep
Fall to my knees, maybe even wretch my heart from my chest and onto the carpet
Then I thought about the mess it would make
I decided the only blood that will spill, will be your own
I was not weak, but I had a weakness
A heart of soft gold stitched to my sleeve with care
No longer
Now my heart is a stone so heavy
I could kill at least two birds at once
Being the nice guy is a thing of the past
Thanks for freeing me of that softness
You thought I was all sunshine and delicate things
When really I had just been swallowing razor blades
Now that sun is setting and I hope you see it was you who were wrong
Can you feel my darkness coming, because it’s eager to hold you
If you thought I was the one who would just stand still or turn to run
Your gonna be the one with tired feet
I’m not sad anymore
Just sick with the plague of your lies
Contagious, and I’m looking for someone to kiss
Even angels can make themselves wicked
When we do, we take no prisoners
Still think I’m a game
This one is just beginning
Copyright © Alexander Schwartz | Year Posted 2013
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Alexander Schwartz Poem
Stretch and string me to a crucifix with barbed wire.
Display my failures and shames.
When you cast the stones, you cast them away as well.
And when I die, I will just come back new. Stronger.
My man Jesus knows what I mean all to literally.
Bonded by the phoenix we burn as brothers.
Perhaps of the same kind in more ways than one.
I’m drinking
Drinking
No more
Drinking some more
Drinking paint thinner.
I swallow blurred lines and let the smoke burn orange in the night like the relentless spot light in my cerebral cortex.
Smoking.
Smoking cigarettes.
Insatiable lungs are getting heavy
Smoke more. More cigarettes to numb the senses. You appreciate the breath you have left that way.
Barnyard, winter
Shivering hand
Quick smoke in Kansas,
After a quickie on a front porch in Georgia.
Smoke screen, blanket.
I just like to keep cozy.
Habits or weapons?
I destroy myself but, I’ll be damned if don’t kill my pains and demons too.
I might even live.
All powerful
Broken boy
Perfect heavy hearts
Good intentions and the angels fall to a false hell.
Hell is in earth and in our heads so, we've already been there.
Confident in a dim room with shades on
Little to no company
The smell of marijuana and hope
Hide the red glimmer of knowledge in your eyes.
Lone wolves roam back alleys
Built for convenience
But, sometimes they become short cuts to gasps of clandestine exposure.
I am the world.
This world belongs to me.
Mission to hold it in hand and make it tangible.
Commence. Transmission over.
Copyright © Alexander Schwartz | Year Posted 2013
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Alexander Schwartz Poem
His fingers left blood on the strings
but, come time to walk away he hadn’t really learned anything.
Course and dried brushes sit atop the rubbish,
His mind held a perfection too delicate for his clumsy hands to create.
He opened his mouth to sing like a jay but, instead of notes it was rust that fell out. Part of the wear and tear of early adulthood.
But then, this same boy picked up a pen and found some paper. The pen in his hand felt as natural his own bones and he began to write.
He wrote every tear
He scribed every star
He built towers from mountains with every line
High enough that the angel’s just might hear them.
He made pages for chapters of his life that could make those seraphim weep sapphire tears.
He could write the wind blowing across the nape of your neck in Autumn
And make you feel the chill on your skin.
He could articulate the sad beauty of a lover’s quarrel that ends in tears
If they cry, it makes it all more real.
He documents the history of a war inside himself that will never end.
The loss and the gain,
But not those of monetary nature.
When life begins to scream around him
All he must do to silence it is to put it in a stanza.
The boy’s tongue can pave the way for good intentions, and we all know those can fall South. He finds strength. And with this Strength a power.
Finally the boy knew his gift. But how is he meant to use it and who will truly listen to the personal strands of his soul he ties together with punctuation?
And now that he has tasted the pleasure of his power, will that be enough?
Copyright © Alexander Schwartz | Year Posted 2013
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Alexander Schwartz Poem
A fragile mind breaks
Wake upon the rock laden shores
A muffled heart begs to echo
Whispers lost among a velvet chamber
Dusk comes premature time and again
Dropping the curtain on an optimistic sunrise
If you never witness dawn
There is no tomorrow
Always the dreamer aches
Never awake to make real what he desires
The restless corpse walks blind
Dead ends seem fitting for one of the kind
Lost in the labyrinth of strangling vines
Love is the motive and the weapon
Taking root in throats dry from weeping
Sprouts of amnesia in place of smiles
A garden called heartbreak holds onlookers captive
The comfort takes hold, sets in the bones weary of searching
A plea for rest lands on deaf ears
The hollow boy tires of himself
The last request he will ever make
"End me"
Lost and tired
He wishes to be weak no more
Copyright © Alexander Schwartz | Year Posted 2013
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Alexander Schwartz Poem
Sing me to sleep
Sing me what was once out lullaby.
The only words spoken were
I love you, and sleep sweet my angel.
The only music was the sounds of
our shallow breaths
the rustling of the sheets
the bustling of the curtians in the wind
the neighbors chimes in the breeze
and the gentle chirps as the birds take their last bows.
And one sound could only be described as angelic
the highest note in this nocturnal symphony
the sound of two lovestruck lips meeting for their last kiss till dawn.
And once we drift away it does not end
the gentle rythm of the dishwasher
and the steady whir of the fan
still work to create that place in slumber
where you and I can remain together
undisturbed
forever
or at least in until daylight breaks.
You always told me we never had a lullaby
you said I dont know the words
I said the only thing you have to do is lay beside me and listen.
You thought we never had a lullaby
but now you know better
we had had the best lullaby there is
simplicity.
Copyright © Alexander Schwartz | Year Posted 2010
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Alexander Schwartz Poem
I wish I could take this noose from my tongue.
It doesn’t seem to work against the honesty of silver anyway.
I wish I could hang it over the neck of my thoughts and pull it tighter every time they try to choke me with guilt or pessimism.
Well versed in the words it takes to build things up. My lips and sounds paint pictures and build grand cities where the price would be too high but, people would still pay to live there.
Better versed am I in the words that call for demolition. I need not even speak them before, I set all the beauty ablaze and cast those cities to rubble. All the people paying too much can flee or stay but, as the founder and captain I am charged with going down with my ship.
If I could just speak a balance.
Articulate a safe place.
A perfectly leveled tree house with room for one or two.
Lately though, my words and thoughts shake and stutter.
Trip over themselves like my hands reaching for a pen or a pill bottle.
At least that bottle is half way full, I guess.
In love with the thought of the very idea.
I see now, with no lenses, softening my harsh reality.
I must once more, try to focus on myself.
Love myself and prove it.
Reach for the things I need with conviction and not the unsure hands of a child, I've been sporting so well.
I can find a meadow.
No path required.
I will not rest there, I promise but, I may take in the scenery along the way.
I need no hand to hold my own in respective appreciation.
I can see the wonder painted even brighter when it burns with a pang of solidarity.
I will work my words,
My tired feet,
My heavy lungs,
My heart with dented armor.
I will train my hands steady.
And this time when I put something in my sights, I won’t have to hesitate before I pull the trigger, painting the walls and ground with my red victory.
A flower may yet hold promise,
Even in the wrong climate but first, the seed must be planted. Will it bloom?
We are getting ahead of ourselves.
Clear the board and start again.
Copyright © Alexander Schwartz | Year Posted 2013
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