When Love Leaves You Hugging the Toilet

I feel myself going rigid You don't need to tell me, darling It's my body after all I feel myself going quiet Like I've never known what is was to speak in flowers even though that's not true I feel myself fading beyond grasp Because fear fades faster than any firework could And the boom in my chest hurts even louder Clock hands aren't meant to move backwards And I'm wondering what that means for us and the sum of our blurry past Rivers only move in one direction I envy the water even when it's angry I want to become gentle like the run off and not hard like I feel now I want to find expiation in your words like a forgotten bill in my pocket but I know these things are only wishful thinking I took a walk in my head all the way past the dying and dead Past the freshly broken and back to the beginning of things And what I saw there stole my breath because beauty hurts in the past just like I'm still living there And we both know that part of me always will I took a walk and found that disaster never strikes when one is prepared for it Sing me a song, my lover About how the leaves stay green in some places despite the cold Despite the storms Sing me a song but only if it's a true story and with that music in your mouth let me kiss you and taste a melody instead of ambulance sirens You tell me I'm not trying, love But if that were true you wouldn't hear my voice anymore than I hear god If that were true I would have stopped answering the phone You say I'm not trying because I'm sitting still When in fact that's the only proof you should need My very bones tell me to flee and yet here I am But if that's not good enough for you, my love I'll do the kindest thing I'm gone, baby I'm gone