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Ava Haynes Poem
self-harm was my only real friend since i was born
i didn’t know at first
who she was
but then i realized-when biting my fingernails started to hurt, but i didn’t stop.
then she changed-evolved
i didn’t know how to let my feelings out, so i turned to her
i still bit my nails, and it still hurt
but then i started taking out my anger on the objects around me, and myself.
and she’s still changing.
when i’m not biting my nails, im hitting myself.
when im not hitting myself, im biting my nails till my cuticles are bloody and red.
now, when i’m not pulling out my hair, im cutting
and when im not cutting, im pulling bald spots into my hair.
after all she’s don’t to me.
i still run back to her when it gets bad, over, and over again.
Copyright © ava haynes | Year Posted 2025
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Ava Haynes Poem
when will i grow my wings?
when i am free?
when i am successful?
or, when i am dead
i scratch off the latter
it is not an option anymore
i will not die
i will not lose myself to the endless void of my mind
i will grow my wings
with success
or with freedom
Copyright © ava haynes | Year Posted 2025
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Ava Haynes Poem
“can we see your arms?”
how does one sentence effect me so deeply?
when the police asked that question
my heart plummeted in my chest
my eyes got watery
my hands got shakey
and suddenly i regretted everything that i had done
i didn’t want my grandma to see
how much i hated myself
how much i hated the body that i inhibited
and how much i hated the lines on my arms
but i raised my sleeves
she started crying
they asked questions
i don’t remember a lot from that night
not the questioning
not the ride to the hospital
not my mom sitting beside crying, asking why would i do this
i didn’t have a answer
8 year old me didn’t have an answer for why she wanted to die
just that she missed her dad
13 year old me didn’t have an answer for why she needed to die
all she said was
“i don’t know”
“im sorry.”
Copyright © ava haynes | Year Posted 2025
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Ava Haynes Poem
i start my piece
my fingers dance across the black and white keys
they carry on the slow, jazz beat
it gets louder
and faster
till it becomes slow again
my fingers land on the keys
over
and over again
till the music stops with a dramatic finish
and when i leave the piano
i’m not angry anymore.
Copyright © ava haynes | Year Posted 2025
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Ava Haynes Poem
i never thought i would be alive at
8
9
10
11
12
13
but now im 14
and alive, and happy
and its almost unbelievable to think that
i made it this far
but i have
and im here to stay.
Copyright © ava haynes | Year Posted 2025
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Ava Haynes Poem
the sky is painted with hues of yellow, pink, blue, red, and purple
the burning sun sinks into the horizon
clouds are littered across the sky, like strokes on a canvas
someone is making the sky this way for me
so, i give my thanks to you
dad.
Copyright © ava haynes | Year Posted 2025
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Ava Haynes Poem
i hope i wasn’t born the die young
i hope i have the chance to make it out of this damned town
to go to college,
to get married,
to have kids,
and to die happy
i hope that my mind wont get the better of me
when i am 14
and alone
Copyright © ava haynes | Year Posted 2025
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Ava Haynes Poem
when i was 8
i made myself wear the title “broken”
i fully believed that i was a mistake, and that i didn’t deserve to live
i’ve lost count of how many times
i’ve tried to take my life when i was a kid
but it was a lot
at 13, i tried to commit 4 times
the pills that i took stopped the pain for a little bit
but now, i still get nauseous when i hear pills in a bottle.
Copyright © ava haynes | Year Posted 2025
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Ava Haynes Poem
i think everyone is beautiful
not just with their souls
not just with their faces
but how they all are different
everyone comes from different places
they all have different stories
and not one of them thinks alike
everyone single one of them is going down their own path, writing their own stories
they get to choose how their life plays out, only them
and that’s how their all beautiful, because they all are
unique
Copyright © ava haynes | Year Posted 2025
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Ava Haynes Poem
the air is warming up
the sun is getting hotter
the grass and leaves shine a vivid green
the animals come out,
and the urge to make bigger
scars on my body returns.
Copyright © ava haynes | Year Posted 2025
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