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Best Poems Written by Martyn King

Below are the all-time best Martyn King poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

Details | Martyn King Poem

Real me Part one

Four walls are enticing 
Can't get out of my own head 
Who is that figure in the mirror? 
The face that haunts me 
Nimble and limp - I feel misplaced 
Envious and boiled and ready to put on simmer 
Want to circle up in a ball and just tear my hair out 
Can't get over these thoughts - driving me wild 
The way I look at them as they walk on by 
Don't know how lucky you've got it 
I'm fighting myself 
Can't show this you see?! 
Not allowed to 
Just hold back these waters and shore up your defences 
I am too dependent on people and don't want to tear connections apart 
I feel so alone and so stranded and feel like I am the only person who feels like this 
Need my own space 
I need to just procrastinate constantly to escape it 
Can't you see me and the person who lies beyond it 
Can't you see my tears run constantly down my face 
And the way I zip from joke to joke trying to make you laugh 
In order to feel human, feel valid, to feel accepted by you 
It is all a performance you see 
It isn't the person I want to be 
I have to live within these means 
People don't want to see it 
See the real me 
Even I hate it 
Self loathing and low self esteem 
Have formed from this 
I hate my body and I hate my sex 
I hate these expectations and the way people see me 
I am not a man you see 
I am more than that 
I am beyond that 
I am trans you see 
But you can't see 
Some do and some don't 
Some will vilify and make you not feel wanted and make you just want to give it all in  
Even I wanted to give it all in 
Give up 
Cut myself 
Hurt myself badly 
Until I bled out 
Because this body isn't mine 
I hate it 
Just want to be like them 
Like that woman I see on TV or who passes me by 
Can't I be a woman or am I woman 
I am allowed to be 
My dad wants me to be the man of the house 
I lived through his views and expectations and through my school's expectations - just "man up" and "not show my emotions" 
But I am emotional you see 
I am emotional 
But I hated myself for it 
People have used me 
Abused me 
Taken advantage of me 
Ignored me 
Mocked me 
Kicked me 
Beaten me 
Blamed me 
Turn their back on me 
Don't get it wrong 
I am no innocent flower 
I have hurt others and I have been a dick at the best of times to even the best of people 
But I just want to be me you see 
But some people can't see 
This government can't see 
The media can't see 
My family sometimes even now can't see 
And therefore I can't see 
As I am dependent you see

Details | Martyn King Poem

Mortal coil

Bedsit 
Sit beside your bed 
And wallow there please 
The world doesn't want to see you today 
Even you don't want to see you today 

Oh god why does everything hurt 
And why do I feel so crap 
I hate mornings 
If you love mornings 
In my books 
Sorry there is something wrong with you 

Look at me 
I look like some BTEC IKEA manifestation 
Conjured up by some hack writer no doubt 

The bells clang as my feet scrap across the carpet floor
Pick your feet up
You have to go to work soon 
No dilly dallying  

Wipe the mirror 
Brush my teeth
Comb my hair (well what is left of it anyways) 
Bite on some toast and kiss your nearest and dearest 
And head to work 

Work 
Work 
Work 
Of course it is work 
I have no pleasure in doing this or actually being here 
God I hate my life 
Would someone just please shot me now 
Customer after customer after customer 
Will this line ever stop 

Stock up and go home 
There is nothing here for you now 
Just go home and forget the day you had and watch some good old stories on the box 
And wash your mind away 

Cooking dinner 
Why is it always me 
Oh well better get started 
It is nearly half past three 

Lost track of time 
Lost track of my direction 
I am sitting down and getting older 
And my prospects aren't looking better 

I am just getting fatter and fatter 
And my time on this mortal coil is getting longer and longer 
Stretching out to the ether 

Losing all sense of meaning 
Deflection and rejection
Wash down your sorrows and head to bed 
To do this day all over again

Details | Martyn King Poem

Real me Part two

And I just want to be a woman 
But I feel too trapped in these four walls 
I can't break it 
I can't make it 
These traumas from family, school and life have scarred me 
Have shaped me 
Can't let it you see 
Because of all the things I have been through 
I know there is good people out there 
And good people make me want to fight 
Make me want to believe that there is hope 
And when there are tears - there is hope 
When there is life - there is hope 
So I must keep going 
Even though I am setbacked 
Living with my parents and on universal credit 
Just got to get on with it 
And just be me 
And if people can't see me 
I will just have to style it 
And tell myself that 
I am beautiful 
I am loved 
And that I am valid 
Even if I transition or not 
I got to keep telling myself this and say to myself 
"I am a woman" 
Despite what people may say 
And what the media says 
And what the government tries to do in order to set back people like myself 
Because I am fighter you see 
There have been times in my life where I have been overwhelmed, anxious and depressed, stressed and in despair 
There have been times where I have been lazy because I gave up on life 
You see 
But I am still here 
You see 
And I will always be here 
Through the thick and thin 
Whether you like it or not 
I am a woman

Details | Martyn King Poem

Give me more

Wave that in my face 
It owns me 
It owns you 
It owns everyone 

I want it 
You want it 
Everyone wants it 

Clutch it 
Gaze at it 
Stuff it 
Hold it 

I want more 
You want more 
We want more 
More and more 
We just can't get enough of it 
Enough 

Always wanting 
Never giving 
Not ever 
Just take and take 
But never give 
Why give? 
When I can have 
When I possess 
More and more 
Of it 

It is all for me 
None of it is for you 
It is just mine 

I want you to get out of the picture 
This is all for me 
Only 
For 
Me 
Only 
Mine 
This is me 

Never wanted anything more than this 
Just this 
Wanting this 
Having this 
Never enough 
Just give me more 
More and more 
I could go on and on 
In this loop 
Just give me some 
I will die for it 
I will show you

Details | Martyn King Poem

The night takes you

Louder and louder - becoming inaudible 
Neck 
Neck 
Stick it out long 

Flash Flash 
Images distilled, frozen and framed 
Drinks flying 
Clothes torn and lost 

Crowds getting bigger 
Wanting the floor and this spotlight 
It's shining elsewhere 
Just wait your turn 

Drunk messages 
Small puffs of smoke float in your peripherals  
Hazy and it is blinding 
Blinding all these senses 

Common sense 
Throw it to the wall 
It's lost here 
Along with your phone and your wallet 
Your identity 

You belong to the night now 
You become the night now 
You are the night now 

This transforms you

Details | Martyn King Poem

Burn bright for me

Think of anything 
Anything can be yours 
If you want it 
Really want it 
You can have it 
Keep it 

I will guide you 
Give you strength 
In the darkness hour 
The blackest night 
I will be here
For you 

I am here to hold your hand 
To cuddle you 
Embrace you 
Love you 

I love all your colours 
You are unique 
You sparkle bright 

You were born bright 
You are burning bright still 
You can be it 
You are it 
I love you 

I will be your fan when you have none 
I will cheer for you
I will praise you 
I will love you 

I do love you 
All that you are 
All that you were
And all that you will ever be 
I love you 
For all that you are 

I don't just love the appearance of you 
The image of you 
I love the character of you 
I love you for you 
I love you 

I do this all 
Because of my love for you 
'Cause I love you 
You know 
I will be here for you 
Remember that 
Always 
I love you

Details | Martyn King Poem

New blank page

It all starts on this page 
A blank page 
Anything can happen 
And it is all up to you 

Now I know that can be quite daunting 
I won't sugar-coat it 
As this power lies within you 
And it rests on your shoulders 

But don't let it burden you 
Don't let it crush you 
Don't let it be the dictator

But you have to lead it 
Don't you see 

I know that you are hurting 
I wish I could help you
I wish I could fix you
To switch you back to the manual settings 

But it doesn't work like that 
If you want something done - you have to do it yourself 
For instance, you are the only person who will ever be able to fully fix yourself 

Do see you now 
These things have happened 
Now, I am not denying that and I am not saying you don't have the right to be sad 
But life doesn't work like that 

These things have happened 
And they have happened for a reason 
But your story doesn't have end here 
Only if choose to 
Only if you want to 

But every fresh page is a new blank page 
And anything can happen - the world is a stage 

Life doesn't work like that 
Life doesn't care about that 

Of course there have been stories and other pages before this one 
But life does happen 
Stories and events happen each and every working day 
And honestly, it is exhausting 

But each and every day is a fresh blank page 

So take it 
Take this page 
And hold it 
And hold it close 
Until it burdens your hands 
Until your eyes start to sting 
And your heart follows in its melody 

Because the world is a stage 
And each and every day is always that new blank page

Details | Martyn King Poem

Reward

This is what it is like? 
Is this my reward? 
What I deserve. 

Devoted and hard working 
Back is breaking 
Cage me 
Wrestle 
Tug and tie this bow we have held together 
All this time 

Cut you 
Lose you 
Lose this sight 
Lose these thoughts 
You're nothing but a hinderance to me 

Wish you weren't here 
Wish you weren't born 
Wish you weren't mine 
In my life 

Get gone and lose this lifeline 
That I call you mine

Details | Martyn King Poem

Don't associate

Boys will be boys 
Well, not this boy 
Don't want to 
Don't like to
Why do I have to

Don't associate 
It doesn't align  
Learnt differently 
Lived through my parents' eyes and expectations 
They became mine 

Fighting myself 
Hating myself 
Internal conflict 
It's a daily battle 

Bullied already 
Bullied at home 
Nowhere is safe 

Can't be me 
Can't express 
Never myself 
Never been independent 
Getting jealous 

Never have had that luxury or space 
Crying in the toilets 
Wishing to wash myself away 
Ring me dry through the tumble dryer  

Don't like my body 
It doesn't fit 
It isn't mine 
It doesn't align 
Nothing aligns 
Nothing is right 

Don't associate
Don't align 
I don't mix  
Feel like an alien 
Feel like I am lost 
Feel like I am the only person going through this 

I wish I was born anew 
In a different body and different sex 
Why this sex 
I hate it and it sinks 
Can't unpeel it 
Can't get out of it 
I am part of it 
I am never rid of it 

I have this conflict 
I hate these expectations 
Those man up's 
Hiding those petty "feminine" emotions 
Boys don't cry 
Just man up 
Don't show it 

To anyone 
It is a secret to yourself 
You deny it 
You hide it 
You cry about it 

Don't show it 
Don't associate
Don't express it 
Don't let anyone see it 
Things are already bad enough as it is  

I just want to be myself 
Be loved 
Can't have that 
Can't have this minimum 
Can't be true

Details | Martyn King Poem

To see you

I feel like I have stopped running 
I am standing still now and I am poised 

But why am I stopping? 
There is no time to be tired 

Things to do 
People to see 
Things to say 

You can't rest now 

Not after all that has been said and done 
All that you have been through 
And I thought you were doing so well 

I feel hollow and scared - inside constantly 
Anxious to the point - where it is nail biting 
I just feel like a spare … part … like I am going …

NOWHERE 

Or that I am not getting myself in order 
Out of place and out of my mind 
What have I been doing all these years?! 

Feeling otherworldly like I can't even express 

I feel distant from things and want something/someone near 
Troubled, alone and shaking and bending and grinding the gears in motion 

Say it now and say it loud 
The thoughts inside your mind are right 
You have always been 
A could've, should've, would have been 
A no hoper 
A flip flopper 
A gobstopper 

And life has turned around to you and has stop you dead in your tracks 
Pointing downwards in disapproval 
Sneering at you 
So, shed yourself down 
Break it all down and let it all go 
Make sure that no one is ever too close to you 

To see you