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Abbey Mader Poem
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,
And I love you.
I love your hair, your eyes, your smile, your shoulders,
Your hands, your ears, your nose,
And your heart.
I love all of you.
It’s almost pathetic…
But, I’ll always forever, unconditionally, and irrevocably love you.
I don’t know much about you.
But, I love your smell, your voice, your touch,
And your taste.
I love everything all over me.
Consuming me in big and small bites.
Eating my thoughts, tears, and dreams.
Take all of me.
Don't hold back.
Your teeth digging into me.
My bones cracking.
It’s the cannibalistic type of love
That I need,
That I want.
I crave the validation,
The attention,
That you bring to the table.
A full four-course meal,
Consisting of
My mouth,
My brain,
My heart,
And my hands.
Eat all of me.
Don’t hold back.
It’s the type of love that eats away at you,
That I crave.
Leaving no crumbs.
An empty plate.
It’s the cannibalistic love,
That I starve for.
Copyright © Abbey Mader | Year Posted 2023
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Abbey Mader Poem
Summer weather makes me feel so much better.
The sun suckling on my skin,
The ocean salting my eyes.
How I wish time would slow down.
But as seasons change,
Winter begins to fog my brain.
Letting distant thoughts leak into my head.
“Pathetic, Corrupt, Lazy, Selfish, Disgusting, Worthless.”
But summer always comes crawling back.
Letting me know,
The sun will be there to lick my skin,
While the ocean in my eyes,
Drips down my face in tangy waves.
I feel so much better.
Copyright © Abbey Mader | Year Posted 2023
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Abbey Mader Poem
It’s not what you think.
I promise.
Today is just not going the way I want it to.
My plans aren’t working out.
My body is disfigured.
And my friends are all leaving.
But I know I can fix it.
It’ll be something that’ll unite those I love together.
And maybe, just maybe they’ll remember me.
So I strip myself naked and soak myself in the clear, warm water.
My body falls numb, and my hands do as they’re told.
The thin metal square slices my veins as a glorious gold liquid leaks from my wrists,
Staining the water a shiny yellow as if I’m swimming in the sun.
Hairy, twisted tendrils stick to my face.
My eyes search the ceiling.
My mouth sings a familiar melancholic song.
Finally, I drift under.
Succumbing to what once was.
What I did, didn’t fix anything.
Because no one will remember a girl,
Who was never known to begin with.
Copyright © Abbey Mader | Year Posted 2023
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Abbey Mader Poem
Let me think,
But only for a moment.
I’ll let time pass and move on,
As I think and figure out what the solution to all my problems are.
Could it be as simple as finding an incandescent person to call mine?
Or as brave as popping pills?
Either way, a change will be made.
And things will move on without me.
The sun will continue to fall asleep and wake up the world every day.
I know I am just a blip in the lives of others around me.
People will die, babies will be born.
I am just a number in a worldwide statistical pie chart.
So, let me think,
But only for a moment.
While time passes and people move on,
I’ll be here waiting to become content with myself,
In my chamber of reflection.
Copyright © Abbey Mader | Year Posted 2023
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Abbey Mader Poem
I’m not you.
And I never will be.
Even though as each day dies off,
I’ve come to notice you in passing windows.
When it should be me looking back,
I realize that I’m the apple that fell.
Far too close to the tree.
When I wish I could’ve rolled a little farther.
I push and push, but my roots always come back to you.
Strangling me and dragging me back to places I will never miss.
My eyes, my lips, my teeth,
They all scream you.
So I change, I change, I change,
Till I can’t even recognize myself.
But on those rare occasions, I find myself catching a glimpse of
Your eyes, your lips, your teeth.
Screaming at me.
Copyright © Abbey Mader | Year Posted 2023
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Abbey Mader Poem
Driving so fast and so far
With the windows down
Letting the winter wind leave for a day or two
To bring in the shivery summer breezes.
To many lipstick-stained smiles,
Too many candied photos,
Too many times I wish I could feel like this forever.
But as parents ask questions,
And wonder when we’re coming home.
This feeling of uncertainty sinks to my stomach.
As she drives the car back to our so-called homes,
I remember to cherish all these times spent in Nena’s car.
Copyright © Abbey Mader | Year Posted 2023
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Abbey Mader Poem
My “Obscene” messages
Have been seen by all.
Eyes twitch at the blue and grey bubbles.
I am disgusted.
They are disgusted.
We are disgusted.
A pungent smell,
A sour taste.
My senses have been contaminated.
One through five.
All of the above.
Gone.
Just like that.
Just one glance at fun-filled,
Childish words,
And you’re sick.
I feel full of regret,
But regret nothing.
Copyright © Abbey Mader | Year Posted 2023
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Abbey Mader Poem
I burned your placemat.
A sunny yellow flower.
I used it at my desk.
It was ANOTHER thing I had ruined.
You emphasized ANOTHER.
Another thing I can't do right.
Another thing I took.
Another mistake.
It left a mark on my pristine, white desk.
A caramel brown.
I tried to get it out,
But it stained the table.
My scars are all too close to the ones on the table.
Both marked by their mistakes,
Both marked by other's mistakes.
Bruises that won't fade.
Scars that won’t heal.
Paint over the desk.
Sew the placemat.
Let’s do some surface-level cleaning.
Copyright © Abbey Mader | Year Posted 2023
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Abbey Mader Poem
I wish I could remember better.
I wish I didn’t forget your birthday,
Your favorite color, your favorite song,
But maybe it was for the best
Because I know you’ve forgotten me,
And all the things we did together.
But what I didn’t forget,
Was the nickname you used to call me,
Because you saw a smile every time you said it,
Or the way you counted my freckles and kissed
Each individual dot,
Or how you ran your fingers down my bare back
And brushed my waves.
Those things I can’t forget,
No matter how much I try
You're stuck in my mind.
I hope I’m stuck in yours,
I know I’m naive to think I am
But maybe every once in a while
My freckles or nickname,
Tease your mind.
I wish I could forget better.
I wish I didn’t remember your birthday,
Your favorite color, your favorite song
But I know it’s for the worst.
Copyright © Abbey Mader | Year Posted 2024
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Abbey Mader Poem
You chew me up and spit me out.
You walk all over me.
Your sneakers, sticky from the pink gunk that still clings to them.
You get new shoes and a new flavor of gum.
Bubblegum and Nike doesn’t suit you anymore.
But Mint and Adidas do.
On the occasional days, you feel nostalgic,
Craving the taste of bubblegum
And the cushion Nike provides you.
Those days never last long.
In the end, I will always be the gum stuck to your Nike shoes.
Spit me out and walk all over me again.
I’ll still cling to you like the sticky gunk I am.
Copyright © Abbey Mader | Year Posted 2023
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