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Troy Jeremy Nelson Poem
it's all for you
nightmares
mental anguish
imagined heartache
the worthlessness of me
Something
I'm not
another realisation of self
first to know
last to be told
in denial
always shoulder your burdens
everyone is someone
this realisation of myself
i don't belong
i know nothing
its what i am to you
clueless
of how important you are
i probably would have never known
if i didnt have you to compare to
realisation of self
an old grudge
outcasts me
who does that make happy?
nothing to you
nothing to myself
wanting to forgive you for this
but i won't
i realise it now
a curse like a bat out of hell
the truth being i've been blackmailed
by myself
no point in denying it at all
i have nothing to give
but myself
the emptiness i am
shines throughout
and you eventually suffer
a realisation of self
the emotion named after me
underdog trying to keep miserable happy
no other choice but celabacy
love hates me too much to forgive me for her martyrdom
surrounded by her happiness im left without
a lifelong grudge for a realisation of self
i like me anyway
the joke to your punchline
i'm the funny part
when the last thing i want to do is make you smile
Won't ever know the difference anyway
the unkillable monster
the realisation of self
A nobody
no one even knows me
i'm a nobody
couldn't even make a friend
no one knows me
nobody
guess thats something
amongst so many painful memories
i suffer
learning to let you go
why bother pretending
yesterday happened
just move on to a new day
something i keep doing wrong
no selfish realisation
no one seems to understand
Child of war
victom to sick games
the boy you loved under rug swept
criminal minds should know me
better than anybody else
no path of least resistance
to shelter peers from becoming just like me
realisation of self
i am a child of war
forever young it seems
never did agree
how do you know me
when i dont know anybody
dont even know myself anymore
surviving realisations of self
without your help
i am the one who got away
i am the one coming for you
know more about the clues you leave behind
leading me wrong
logicaly it points to one guilty looking suspect
and you sidestep the whole charade
everyone oblivious to the game being played
the candle burning at both ends
blackmailed by irony
just a goose chase
looking guilty
from my shadow fiending for release
showing you your own routine
realisation of self
Copyright © Troy Jeremy Nelson | Year Posted 2010
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Troy Jeremy Nelson Poem
My own head screaming at me
every thought another fight
strangling my heart
he hid behind my tears
every possible negative thought
battling myself to do what is right
always felt like i never got it
tricking myself into situations, strung along
confusing my own confusions
mind manipulating my fears
my own hopes used against me
every day
all day long
lost my free will
god came to take over
no sense of self to cut anothers hand through me
this is the case of the crime of your century
now its gone
i keep looking at the clock
see how long it's been gone
i am sound mind
the visual images bleeding in my head
foreshadowing of next paranoias
deadlocked mind
This new silence in my head is intoxicating
the freedom to feel ok without inner harassments
one happy tear
compared to the sobbing of hours on end
for my mind wouldn't let me be
just be good, you did a great thing today
you gave your life to the lord once again
creativity no longer a weapon
see my own self differently entirely
the awe and beauty of everything
overwhelming
being reintroduced to me
the one i will never forget again
a new game for my mind to play
a new way to be ok
another point today
intoxicating 13th hour
the wave of fear when god was afraid
the muse of his own spiritual syndicate of songs and dance comforted him
to heal the hands inside his head
Copyright © Troy Jeremy Nelson | Year Posted 2010
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Troy Jeremy Nelson Poem
the early bird gets the worm
wake up in the morning to be told
what one of the winning numbers is
playing along
can you figure out
the metaphors throughout the scenes
from music to movies
and wherever else
an amazing statement
and finaly you know
there is method to all your madness
so many scenes of this hollywood lottery game
getting ready to set it all off
among like attracting like
the things you enjoy to see
the winner of this lottery game
is truly deserving
among the mess
another slide for the one who shouldn't win
superstitious
now you know the game we play
the race is on for me to take the wrong one
the several others should be ok
Copyright © Troy Jeremy Nelson | Year Posted 2010
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Troy Jeremy Nelson Poem
years of abuse add up
someone snaps
the judge gives them a prison sentence
which they serve and then get released
next thing that person knows as they try to rebuild their life
starting from the bottom
They approached you
two months after your sentence
tell you you are court ordered
for a 30 day psychiatric assessment
you dont get out for years
made to believe you are sick
witnessing nurses affairs with patience
man with a broken leg forced to walk
young girls screaming rape
the whole time knowing you are not supposed to be there
everyday another fight you can never win
finally you get away
addicted to their pills
everyday a struggle
for years keeping appointments
not understanding what is going on
You serve your sentence
then you serve another one
never knowing what judge sentenced you there
every doctor from a different country
telling you life isn't fair
Doctor's lieing to your family
about biting and kicking him
maximum security forensics
in and out of group homes for years
Then one day you quit taking your meds
tired of the side affects
and suddenly you begin waking up early
doing your laundry
eating healthy
cleaning your house
the hindsight remains
I wasn't supposed to be there
no judge sentenced me there
allah almighty answers the phone when you call amnesty international
Unable to become erect
covered in scales
twitching
foggy thinking
when you can't afford not to think clear
Go tell eminem i get it
I walked the ward for you
made to think i was sick my whole life
and then sickened by the things i went through
Copyright © Troy Jeremy Nelson | Year Posted 2010
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Troy Jeremy Nelson Poem
its all for you right
Copyright © Troy Jeremy Nelson | Year Posted 2010
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Troy Jeremy Nelson Poem
with central time
worldwide for now
every country rearanging their scheduales to live a different day
the names of their days all different
except for the day with a name of destiny
paradise
and eternity
one day these three different days
will be born doing this strategically
waiting for the day
the world has the same day worldwide
surprise holiday to celebrate
by working with your will to do good
world peace is inevitable in this way
the third time the day is the same all over the world
you will be prepared to name that day paradise
one day of the week renamed from paradise
to destiny
one of these words to replace yesterday, today or tomorrow strategically
eventually you will have paradise, destiny, tomorrow
eventually you will realise that the best attempt at this you will call tomorrow
the day that never comes to strive towards as paradise and destiny continue to improve
by respecting death you earn intelligence
by caring for the meaning of life you earn your heart
by understanding your will to do good you earn your courage
the life experience of these three things is your soul
with the devil holding out for a good one
needing help with realising a good thing
this offers you the ability to see through the illusion of fear which is forever disappearing
at this point you dreams can now come true
Copyright © Troy Jeremy Nelson | Year Posted 2010
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Troy Jeremy Nelson Poem
to make one's life unfair
Copyright © Troy Jeremy Nelson | Year Posted 2010
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Troy Jeremy Nelson Poem
it's simplistic
i hate you
Copyright © Troy Jeremy Nelson | Year Posted 2010
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Troy Jeremy Nelson Poem
pointlessness of the same lies
taught from you to me
only im the victom
of when will you wash your hands clean
what are you doing in my life anyway?
howdo i surround myself in your will to do good when its not there?
a pointless nightmare i live when you consider
Copyright © Troy Jeremy Nelson | Year Posted 2010
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Troy Jeremy Nelson Poem
Read any good books lately?
Copyright © Troy Jeremy Nelson | Year Posted 2010
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