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Best Poems Written by Barrie Bramley

Below are the all-time best Barrie Bramley poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

Details | Barrie Bramley Poem

Table Number Four

Tonight's our night
We've been waiting weeks
Our favourite Bistro
For Potato soup with leeks

They gave us 'our' table
The one by the door
Where we first sat
Table number 4

I remember what you ate
Thai Curry with Fish
I had the Gnocci
Oh what a dish

It'll always be our table
Near the dance floor
Where we first fell in love
Table number 4

Tonight as we danced
I loved all our chatter
A short walk to our table
To enjoy Tempura Prawns batter

Where was your starter?
And why was there Greek salad?
It's all going wrong
It's the little things that matter

I called over to the owner
The big bearded one
I was gonna let him know
He had spoiled all our fun

With a furious glance
I looked at the wine
And quickly realised
We were at table number 9

Details | Barrie Bramley Poem

For the Wine Lovers Gather Round

Come, all you wine lovers, and gather round,
Tonight we'll explore flavours that abound.
From the vines of Simonsig, both red and white
We'll sample their wines, and pair them just right.

First, a crisp Chenin Blanc, so versatile in style
Paired with a Portuguese Fish Stew, hmmm, you're going to smile
Then, a Pinotage, full , robust,
To go with mushrooms, roasted to perfection, no fuss.

And finally, a Bordeaux, for toasting and cheer,
As we raise our glasses, to the rest of this year.
Let's sip and savour, each and every glass,
And enjoy the company of friends, and good laughs.

Details | Barrie Bramley Poem

Birthday Sabotage

It's the 3rd of the month
An excellently important day
5 decades or so ago,
My parents made a little 'roll in the hay'

Tonight, I'm spoiling myself
Going out for dinner el solo
Down to my favourite local Bistro
For Salmon Wellington, Cab Sav and Gateau

Made sure I phoned ahead,
with 3 weeks to go
Booked a delicious pescatarian meal
And a table outside, on the patio

I arrived with a grin
And was shown to a shabby table inside
Served Beef Wellington, Sav Blanc,
And for dessert, a Mince Pie!

Why? What? How could this be?
I immediately called for the Chef
Oh Lanser, how could you get this so wrong
Have you recently gone stone deaf?

No! He said, in his monotone
And pulled from his pocket an email
You sent us this note just yesterday
Updating your culinary detail

But it wasn't... I didn't.... Who could it have been?
To know that I'd definitely be here
Someone who would sabotage my effulgent glory
And rob me of my cheer?

Then it dawned on me
Who sabotaged my favourite night
It was my horrible ex-wife
She's darn clever, evil and so full of spite

Details | Barrie Bramley Poem

The Wine Waitron

Hello. Good evening. I greet you with cheer
To the fancy and posh, I'm a Sommelier
To the friendly and warm, call me The Som
And to the simple, less worldly, I'm a wine waitron

My job here at Lanser's? To satisfy your senses
Don't panic or worry, cos it doesn't mean expensive
It's all about ensuring a meal utterly divine
By combining your dish with a most wonderful wine

Miss Lucy, she's named after the endangered Stumpnose
Bursting with flavours of the pamplemousse rose
A few sips of her, right before your first bite
Miss Lucy will gift you one heck of a night

They say it's the lost element when you're making wine
It's precious and free, we call it the Work of Time
Our Bordeaux Blend birthed in 2001
When it passes your lips, the fun's just begun

When I visit your table, resist a sideways look
We're here for a good time, let's play by the book
And if you're prepared to throw me a bone
You may just get poured another Life from Stone

Details | Barrie Bramley Poem

The First Pairing of 2023

Yes please. We're back.
The first pairing of 2023
Stunning wines by Hartenberg
And Lanser's food, mhuh, just wait and see

Our country's seen better days
With literal pooh coming down
Crooked politicians, state capturers
and Juli-assses band of clowns

Tonight. Yes tonight
Let's sweep it all off the table
Raise our glasses, eat like kings
And present the largest smiles that we're able

For tomorrow when you awake
You know what you're gonna say
What a spectacular night
Lanser's on Main, it made my day

Details | Barrie Bramley Poem

Evil Moonshine

Growing up in Heidelberg, our family had a chef
When it came to cooking, my mom was, how do you say, tone deaf
From France, he was. To my mom, her handsome rockstar
Our Chef from Paris, Monsieur Georges Barbiaar

My dad, how do you say, he didn't like him
Always looking for a reason to break Georges like a papadum
And one day it was over. Monsieur did not completely understand
He'd been caught stealing wine. My dad now had the upper hand

What I soon learned, the case wasn't air tight
Father of mine had got a little too excited, midflight
There was wine missing from a bottle in the fridge
And only Georges had daily access for a sneaky little taste-age

Dad at his worst, filled up the bottle with urine
To catch him and poison him with evil moonshine
Having done this for a week he called Monsieur in for a lashing
To show our Chef who ultimately was the most dashing

Chef listened attentively, said nothing, and then smiled 
His reply was unexpected, unforgettable and awesomely wild
Papa he said, you're quite right, I am an alcoholic
But your accusation tonight is preposterscopic

It's true the wine in the fridge I use
It doesn't go into my body, to abuse
I learned to use it in school, as a cooking trick
To make each meal for you, taste magnifique

Details | Barrie Bramley Poem

I'M Drinking My Best

The world's a little nuts right now
And it's not easy feeling secure
When my emotions take a slide
I reach for something sacred and pure

Whether it's a Brut at the start
Filled with bubbles el pranava
Or a Koelenhof chenin blanc
With hints of pineapple and guava

A dry red from Roussillon
Paired with beef wouldn't hurt
Followed by an oh so very yummy
Trockenbeerenauslese with dessert

The world's a little nuts right now
Between Putin and the West
I'm not sure how you're all doing?
As for me, I'm drinking my best

Details | Barrie Bramley Poem

Bjork and His Cork

Bjork stood upright in the dock
The judge looked up and frowned
The cuffs were firmly locked
As everyone stared him down

It wasn't me he pleaded
I didn't pull the 'trigger'
Surely you can see it now
He was trying not to snicker

Was it not your cork that killed him?
The victim's lawyer questioned?
Your initials are all over it
From one of your wine bottles, he mentioned

Indeed it was a cork of mine
From one of my wines, without a doubt
It wasn't me who held it last
Before the crime was carried out

I confess it was my father
I know he doesn't drink wine
His farts had become a bother
And his marriage was no longer fine

His wife told him to plug it
Which he did with trembling fear
To avoid a permanent split
With the love of his love; mother dear

It was the gas build up during the day
That caused this moment of dread
Poor old neighbour, David Mackay
Received a fatal cork-blow to the head

Details | Barrie Bramley Poem

Gielie Se Muse

Wellington vineyards bathed by sun's golden ray,
Where luscious grapes in symphony sway,
A nectar's birth, an art divine,
Behold Doolhof and their noble wines.

Crimson hue, an artist's delight,
Telling stories about secrets of the night,
With each sip, a tale unfurls,
Of 80 hectares and passionate swirls.

On lips it dances, a velvety kiss,
Igniting senses with flavours of bliss,
A symphony of notes, harmonies true,
Whispering secrets, enchanting anew.

So raise your glass, let your worries fade,
Embrace the magic this elixir has made,
For in each sip, a moment sublime,
Wine, Gielie se muse, transcending time.

Details | Barrie Bramley Poem

Call It Whatever You Want

It's the marketers in the room
Who must be in a state
We have a wine with a name
Impossible to articulate

There are basic rules to obey
When creating a brand
Simple, one or two syllables
Easy to remember and understand

Google, Lego, Cotton-On
Whatsapp, DHL, Bard
Nerf, Typo, and Shell
They work, cos they're not that hard

And the winemaker’s with us tonight
Brad, with his entourage
Will he agree with this assessment?
Or insist it's sabotage!

Bit-and-for-wag-thing
Brute-and-formatage
I've been practising all week
And the correct pronunciation is still at large

However, let me tell you one thing
That's not easily found today
When you've got a perfect product
Marketing becomes child's play

You can call it what you want,
You can dress it up as a clown
When your wine's as good as Brad's
You get to wear the golden crown

So please, enjoy tonight
Taste and savour every option
Because it's always an unforgettable evening
When you're drinking Buitenverwachting