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Heather Foster Poem
Finding your way out of places... You never meant to go... No...
You never meant to choose that path... Eventually...
Opening your eyes... Seeing the mistakes you have made...
And realizing... The pain... When you find the things you have...
And given up... The things you have destroyed...
and the things you just let die... It is impossible to fathom...
The devastations you feel... Sadly...
The agony of realizing your own needs...
Of how you just try to Self-Destruct!
Copyright © Heather Foster | Year Posted 2009
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Heather Foster Poem
To far away.... To notice... The sadness in my eyes... To busy...
To care... About the regret in my words... To uncaring...
To be there... When I needed you most... Always...
Only on your terms... Only if your in control...
How can you say you Love me... When you just hurt me...
How can you say you Love me... When you just point out my imperfections...
I was not to far away... to see the sadness... and pain...
I was not to busy... to care... I was there...
When everyone else left you in the cold... Now, when I ask you to go...
Because I cannot be hurt by you anymore... You cannot seem to relinquish control...
You just keep trying to punish me... For all the wrongs I've done...
When is enough... Enough? When will it be enough for you?
Copyright © Heather Foster | Year Posted 2009
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Heather Foster Poem
Allthough it has taken at times allmost Dying... For whatever you may believe...
Maybe the best way for me to describe what it is that has happened to me is..
God, or Higher Power, whatever you believe it is... Had to just Knock me on my butt
and show me... It has taken awhile for me to see... Stop...
you must not attempt to live without my illness (M.S.) changing my life when I got away with
not much illness... Yes, I survived my life with a Monster that tried to Kill me...
Many, Many times... I escaped with my boys, and just 41 Healed Fractures...
Head to toe... But I made the stupid choice to start doing Drugs...
It helped me forget... My Past with so much Horror and Physical Pain... and that I
Made it out... Only to be diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis... I can only be
Honest... I made these choices... Mostly in selfness... Sadly, I
tried to get away with whatever I could... So I needed God to do what He had to...
It took... Putting my Best Friend... In jail for me to get clean for...
and Me getting so ill... Almost Dieing because of My Stupidity...
To show me the mistakes I made... and was making... It got me Clean...
From Drugs, smoking, and just Parting like I was O.K.... and Showing what you
give out will come back to you.... Whether you believe, Karma.... Yin Yang...
Either way it's eaiser to explain it... All I can do is tell you what I was shown...
Just always remember, what you give out... Will come back to you!
Copyright © Heather Foster | Year Posted 2009
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Heather Foster Poem
I am so damaged… Some of it because of me…
And some because of my disease…
Multiple Sclerosis…
Some due to no fault of my own…
Just done to me…
By my X-Husband who tried for 5 years….
To Kill me and my Boys…
Although in dealing with and seeing in my
M.S… I just look at my M.R.I….
And see all the Damaged Brain Cells… And know that there is nothing
I can do …
To fix it…
All I can do is just stay healthy…
And finish my New Medication…
That is all I have to focus on…
And not try to worry for things I cannot change…
I cannot Erase the past…
I cannot Erase what I did…
Or what was done to me…
I can only try to stay ahead of my Life…
I have to make my Life better now…
With everything that I can!
Copyright © Heather Foster | Year Posted 2009
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Heather Foster Poem
Don't we all have the Day's thoughts of the... Could Of's... Should Of's...
and Would Of's...
When we are trying to find the reason for some of our Really Stupid Actions...
Or is it really that hard for us... To just Admit it only Happens to us...
Because We don't Change our... Could Of's.. Should Of's...
And Would Of's...
So maybe we should try to make a Better Choice at the time you have to...
So we can make the days of No... Could Of's... Should Of's... and Would Of's...
Copyright © Heather Foster | Year Posted 2010
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Heather Foster Poem
Kona… My Angel… My Baby…
My Hunnie Bear… My Sweet Boy…
When we met on August 12, 2003…
I adopted him…
We both knew we saved each other…
Him from his past and the shelter…
Me from my past and my disease…
It is killing my Heart… The Pain he Suffered…
For the few moments he lived after the car hit him…
And what my wonderful… Brave… Caring Boy…
Had to see… He tried so hard to help our baby…
I am trying to be strong…
And deal with Kona’s Murder…
But how can the uncareing drivers of the car that hit him…
Going 65 miles per hour… and did not even stop…
How are they even able to live with themselves?
Do they even Care or Know how much they’ve Crushed our Hearts?
I try to remind myself in what I know is True…
I know that Karma will work as always...
Something Terrible is coming to them…
Kona-8/12/03-10/30/09
Copyright © Heather Foster | Year Posted 2009
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Heather Foster Poem
Only the Heart... Can see through the Lies... Betrayal... Fear and Regret...
Only the Soul... Can find Love through the Darkness and Pain...
Sometimes you give your Heart and Soul... and it comes back to you...
Sometimes you give it... and it is never returned...
Feeling the failure... Anger... Sorrow... The regret... Fear...
Pain... and Loneliness... How do we ever go on?
When your Heart and Soul are dying... When you cannot endure anything more...
When your Heart is black and cold... When you are dead inside...
How do we ever go on?
Copyright © Heather Foster | Year Posted 2009
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Heather Foster Poem
Why do I always choose the Path of Destruction? The Path of Isolation...
Of Punishment... And Torment... I can only crawl from the wreckage...
and Live again in my Shallowness... Always returning to...
My Self-inflicted Misery... Becoming Indifferent...
To everything secure in my Unhappiness... Please someone...
Take my hands...
I cannot do it alone... I cannot pull myself to Safety
Copyright © Heather Foster | Year Posted 2009
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Heather Foster Poem
It has taken almost Dying... From my M.S.... and from Escaping Alive from
Marriage... and the Marine Corps first helping me escape my Abusive and
Lifethreating X-Husband... To the Marine Corps for after finding him Guilty of those
many, many, many things... They gave him 10 years of the 17 year sentance
and let him Win an Appeal...
and put him back in the Marine Corps and Erased his past... and told me...
Just two months after that had happened... All I can say is I have to believe that
even after all the choices some Great... and Not so great... The only one who truly
has my back... Is God!
So even though at times we all believe that we should be afraid.... Don't bother...
Because He will take care of things... I know it has taken almost dying...
From a horrible person... To a horrible illness... For me to see it...
It has felt like He has had to knock me on my behind to say, "Hello?"
"Wake up and see the way to change yourself"... "and ways you Do, See, and
Change Actions..." "You have made it through the things that you thought you were
alone..."
"But near the end you saw I was standing right next to you"
Copyright © Heather Foster | Year Posted 2009
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Heather Foster Poem
How do I compete against M.S.? How do I win a losing battle?
Just knowing I'm forever getting killed... Over my mistakes...
and to all those I Love... especially to my Boy's...
I deserve it all! I hope this is my reimbursement... My Karma...
Paying for all my Hate... Anger... and my Lies...
So no one feel sorry for me... Unfortunately it is for my Loved ones...
To deal with... and clean up after... I am truly sorry...
That you all have to deal with... Any of it!!!
Copyright © Heather Foster | Year Posted 2009
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