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Best Poems Written by Helen Roberts

Below are the all-time best Helen Roberts poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

Details | Helen Roberts Poem

The Big, Fat Fairy

Fairies are beautiful, right
Small and cute and sweet
Well, meet the big, fat fairy
with size 9 feet

The others all make fun of me
they glide where i stomp
they twirl and flit and glide away
and all I do is klomp

They wear such pretty dresses
all glittery and bright
I make mind from parachutes
to help me when I fly

Glitter trails follow fairies
all shiny and petite
mine is so big
I fall over it with my big feet

The others fly so prettily
they glide through the skies
I struggle to get off the floor
just battle to even rise

The others laugh and jeer
as I try to swirl and fly
but my bust is so big
I end up with two black eyes

So if you see a trail of glitter
don't think it's just a slug
it could be the big, fat fairy
so be kind and give me a hug.

Details | Helen Roberts Poem

Getting Old

Getting Old

I used to look so young and slim
I could wear anything I chose
now I buy from tent shops
it's the only way to get clothes

I can't rise without a noise
the ground feels so far away
my bones creak and groan
as upwards I sway

These days I like to sit and read
before I could run and play
I would dance all night given half a chance
now I just sit and decay

My hair turned grey long ago
I nap now maybe twice a day
many things are different now
as I reach another birthday

But in my mind nothings changed
I'm still that young girl inside
a little wiser hopefully
just with a bigger backside

I see her in the mirror still
as I stand there and apprise
she's a little hidden now
but just gaze into my eyes

That's where the girl is still
who loved to party night and day
you only see my age now
but the girl is here to stay

Ok, maybe I'm slower now
but I can still party with the best
just have me home by tea time
so I can have a rest.

Details | Helen Roberts Poem

I Messed Up

Sometimes I get muddled
A little confused and mixed up
I come out with funny things
and make everyone crack up

My workmate spent thousands on IVF
I was explaining this one day
but my brain seemed to go absent
and I messed it up my own way

I told my friends about her
My brain was running free
I meant to say IVF
but said HIV!

A slight difference I know
but a couple of letters the same
I know I messed it up
but I made everyone laugh again.

Details | Helen Roberts Poem

Bridgerton

Dear readers, please dwell awhile
Sit here a moment I pray
I wish to speak a little
of what and how people say

Surely the ladies here
would wish it to be thus
if everyone spoke and acted
as if on Bridgerton, discuss.

The people are so polite
and the gentlemen treat ladies well
ladies are wonderfully courted
while the gentlemen visit a spell

Balls are held and people dance
even insults sound charming
the ladies get all of a twitter
when the gentlemen are disarming

Wouldn't it be wonderful
instead of how it is now
if everyone spoke like that
and everyone curtsied and bowed

As long as we still had women's rights
that would still need to stand
but every now and then
to have a true gentleman to attend

To be whisked away, in a beautiful gown
and be twirled around the floor
instead of sitting in a pub
and someone saying, 'fancy a lager poured?'

Details | Helen Roberts Poem

My Darling Baby

I love you little one
more than mummy can say
so why my baby child
do you often make me pay?

You're so pure and tiny
yet so loud and smelly too
all these years i never knew
all the different colours of pooh

I carried you for so long
I helped you grow and birth
I've bought you lovely things
and you'll never know the worth

I rise up at silly hour
before the birds awake
just to feed my angel
so why scream for goodness sake?

You may be a tiny baby
yet your voice can be so loud
you can't even speak yet
but I hear your voice above the crowd

Your pitch cuts through my soul
your smell can be so rank
the postman thought yesterday
we'd a leaky septic tank

When you're asleep
You're so beautiful and calm
I keep everybody quiet
so you'll sleep and do no harm

I love you my baby
but please consider me
I can't handle more screaming
and all the copious amounts of wee

I'll do whatever I have too
to keep you warm and happy
but please my darling baby
don't again fill your nappy

It feels like the 100th time
you seem to think it's a game
I've bought so many nappies
there's only you to blame

Please sleep my child sleep
for as long as possible please
don't make a noise or whimper
mummy's down on her knees

I need sleep too my child
I want to use the loo
and a long, hot bubble bath
would just be ecstasy too

Think of mummy darling
I know it's hard for you
but please my angel please
let me go to the loo.

Details | Helen Roberts Poem

Peek a Boo

The squirrel this morning hid behind the wall but there was a bushy tail sticking up over the top.  It was funny so I wrote this.

Every morning I throw out nuts
I like to see you and the birds
it makes me happy to see you there
enjoying them all beyond words

You sit on the stone wall
then run when I appear
you're so timid and shy
I won't disturb, not here

It's lovely to see you 
little twitchy nose and all
you don't need to worry
you're so sweet and small

Fill up your tummy
enjoy all the nuts
leave some for the birds
the big ones may cut

It's funny when you hide
think I can't see you're trail
peek a boo little one
above the wall, just a bushy tail.

Details | Helen Roberts Poem

I Was a Holistic Therapist

I was a Holistic Therapist
with oils and creams galore.
most clients were lovely
but some you had to ignore.
One came asking for 'extras'
which i answered with a threat
I said I'd throw his clothes outside
which I'm sure he would regret.
The thing that really bothered me
made me want to beat him down,
wasn't just the suggestion,
but he only offered me ten pounds!

Details | Helen Roberts Poem

Limerick

There was a fat baker called Bill
whose store stood high on a hill
he lived down below
and when it would snow
he slid on a tray for a thrill.

Details | Helen Roberts Poem

The Nice Man

There is a rare and special creature
lost in the mists of time
women search so far and wide
for a nice man divine

He hides away in a secret land
and ventures out now and then
if you are able to catch one
don't let him escape to his den

He treats you well and oh so kind
he's sweet and funny too
he'd never deign to hurt you
so treat him well and be true

Details | Helen Roberts Poem

Family History

All those photos and letters
from the past long ago
keep them safe my dears
so people in the future can know

They'll know how we laughed
how we cared and lived our lives
they'll see all our smiling faces
from going on country drives

They'll learn all about us
how we lived and thrived
all our family members
and how hard we strived

Our family history matters
not just to us my dears
to all those people in the future
who can learn from all our years

They'll learn how people lived
how we worked and played
family history matters dears
our lives never decayed

It shows people in the future
our happy times and sad
all our funny moments past
and lives led in times bad

They can learn from us you see
how to have great times
how to be as happy as us
over so many life times