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Conner Gillespie Poem
I want to feel hurt
I seem to seek pain,
and am broken in such a way I seem whole.
The smile on my face does falter,
as my happiness dwindles down to naught but ash and distant memory, and I now know.
No longer a child of society,
long gone are those innocent years of mindless bliss,
I'm growing up and I see the world with new born eyes,
and the world is amazing.
Terrifying.
Take a moment and stop, take your time and see.
Whether a plant, a beast or a lover.
An enemy, a friend, or a mother.
Take a minute and bask in the beauty of life, and know..
We are not forever.
Life can be cut short like a candle lit flame,
ever quick to ignite, even harder to tame.
Life is thrilling, yet short, we are young, we are free.
Yet free as I am, theirs still chains that bind me.
I am cursed with affliction, yet hurt remains my addiction,
I am blessed with charm yet act solely to harm.
I struggle to find the words too form the phrase you call hello, how dare I ever dream of love?
Like a star in the sky I am surrounded.
Secluded, so lonely, so cold.
I look at my friends there are so many you see,
yet for all of my searching none of them notice me.
I am empty, I am broken, I'm that mask we all wear,
when we hide our true emotions and pretend the feelings were never there.
Like a leaf torn from home in the infancy of autumn cursed and dropped into a world so small, so cruel, so beautiful.
I am a leaf in the wind, as I pass through this life,
I hear whispers, I hear noises in the darkness and light.
Yet i still fear my shadow and im afraid of the dark
I avoid confrontation and am scared of my heart
I dance daily with dissapointment with no fear of reprise
And i still struggle yet to look myself in the eyes
Im growing each day, and each days a new start
maybe one day ill be able to face the demons in my heart.
Copyright © Conner Gillespie | Year Posted 2020
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Conner Gillespie Poem
Cruel fate does meddle with the hands on the clock
Seizing fate and destroying ambition.
Such simple, yet effective manipulation
Forcing all from cradle to grave,
under the direction of destiny's frail hands
and on such rare occasion
that luck may just prevail
by even minute chances do the grains of time repair
and its tedious cycle starts anew
Such ferocity in the bindings of our beings
That we cannot grasp an understanding of life and its makings
Does darkness dare enthrall us all at the end of this long journey
Into light I was born from darkness and mystery
Into light I'll descend from darkness and misery
Who are we to question the secretive bonds behind it all
Merely pawns we are placed to play our parts
Disappearing through deaths dark door at the end of our show
Ever whispering
Never heard
Forever more
Copyright © Conner Gillespie | Year Posted 2020
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Conner Gillespie Poem
I was empty at the start, but a shell of a man.
Hopeless drunkard and a menace with no path and no plan.
On the day that we met, I fell in love with your laugh,
with your smile and your kindness, slowly,
you carved the pain from my past and with each new day
I began to learn to live and love again, at last
I cannot begin to express the true extent in which You,
And only you are forever embedded in my heart.
Each pulsing beat a reminder of the reasons
My heart beats only for you.
My blood warms only to keep you from freezing.
You are both my reason for breathing and yet the reason
I'm left breathless all the time.
The very sight of you leaves me stunned beyond belief
Your embrace grants the most beautiful relief to all
Life's aches and pains, thank you. I hope this is enough.
Copyright © Conner Gillespie | Year Posted 2020
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Conner Gillespie Poem
We were all such happy people
Before the fall, atleast for some
There was never any chance for change
To grace the lesser of our race.
We are all such boring people
Are we all? Atleast for some
There was never any chance for change
To see the error in our ways
We are all so full of anger, fear and Scorn, atleast for some
There was never any chance for change.
Or was the time for change to late.
Copyright © Conner Gillespie | Year Posted 2020
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Conner Gillespie Poem
I miss smiles that hurt without any pain
and the gentle kiss of laughter.
A version of me that exists only in memory
I feel shackled by the knowledge.
I miss words that danced from cheek to tongue
Out into a world that no longer hears the words i say.
I pray,
One day, I will be strong enough to say.
Enough.
I miss nights where sleep was a loving friend
We'd dance and talk the whole nights end.
I miss love that was love and not just the pretence
Not, not being in love just feeling the feelings.
I miss loving myself and letting love in.
If I do say enough
Where do i even begin?
I am a shell of what is me,
That misses himself dearly,
Every. Single. Day.
Copyright © Conner Gillespie | Year Posted 2022
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Conner Gillespie Poem
I was blessed by a curse that does slumber within
A hole in my soul feeds my half empty heart
A conflicting colony of emotions does now tear me apart
I am empty yet full of regret, fear and pain
Sanity in question, I am mindful yet vain
Though love does hide inside, unseen in the dark
A small helpless creature crying deep from my heart
It longs for escape, time to flourish and grow
It begs for such freedoms yet my answer remains no.
So i lock up all these emotions and forget the key
For empty is nothing and nothing is me.
Copyright © Conner Gillespie | Year Posted 2020
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Conner Gillespie Poem
Oh harsh and unforgiving love
Why sear and scar my heart.
Release me from such tedious bonds,
tis time for lust to play its part.
Such games I know not how to win,
nor cheat, nor fool, or blunder
So why must I succumb to love
As strong as roaring thunder.
Mysterious, the heart may be,
Only few of its blessings yet known to me.
Some lessons I'll learn and some I just won't
There are things that I know and things I just don't
Hate is a lesson we all learn and must live
Love is a blessing to be earned and to give
If love has such meaning for life and our ways
Why am i still stuck wandering in this dark, loveless haze
Copyright © Conner Gillespie | Year Posted 2020
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