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Michellle Pawula Poem
Every morning I wake up not knowing if ill look in the mirror at either Jekyll or Hyde. Not knowing if ill be praying to die or feeling alive.
This right here is my typical bad day, keep your pity or judgement to yourself
. I don't need an instant replay of what I'm already thinking anyway.
Slammed by everyone's negativity. That just stresses me.
Putting everyone ahead of my own needs, my wants, my dreams. Mind in disarray, screaming at myself everyday. Trying to motivate myself, getting lost in my thoughts, fantasizing about death, smothering myself in self doubt.
Ever since I was a kid I felt something with me wasn't right. Always confrontational, always ready to fight.
Constantly seeing the negative over anything optimistic. Delusions making me think I'm being realistic
I remember back when I was only 4 was just the 1st time I ran away from home. Before that though I'd leave my bedroom window open praying someone would sneak in to slit my throat.
But I guess nothings different til today cause I'm still praying for that same fate. And trust when I say I will never exaggerate. Cause I want to obliterate
these times I feel the energy from the pain of every living thing at once, suffering and in pure agony.
The pain so untouched and raw, it steals my breath from me and blinds me so I cant see.
Overwhelming as this energy rips through me trying to surface. Tried to stifle it down but end up regurgitating their anguish out my face. Purging...
I need air... I feel like I'm buried alive and dragged underwater at the same time
And no one sees me struggling or they just don't care, though, all my life its been the same morbid tune... Being relentless. Always cocked and loaded ready to pop off at anyone who dares cross my path. Then reloading, only to pop off again at the next poor son of a who questions me or who I claim to be.
I don't even know where I'm going anymore.
Will any part of my life ever make any sense, or will I continue being relentless in my uncertainty of what to do next.
Maybe ill accept all this pain and anger I carry with me cause this is just who I am and was just meant to be.
Might as well wear my self doubt and self hatred on my sleeve, cause days like these make me feel like my soul has never been clean.
Copyright © Michellle Pawula | Year Posted 2020
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Details |
Michellle Pawula Poem
Tear away my flesh
Till all that's left is bones
Devour the meat as if it were your last meal
Because it is
I will reside inside of you and torment you
Like a ticking time bomb
The anxiety you will feel will seep out of your pores
Melting away your essence
Until all that's left is a shell of a person
I will eat your soul
Slowly drinking it away until I have lapped up every drop
I am the devourer of souls
I am chaos incarnate
Anyone who gets close will get a taste of the horror I bring
Praying for death
I do not belong here
This host has feelings that I cannot control
Arguing with myself daily
I do not belong in this body
I do not belong here
So I pray for death as I suck away at the souls of all I love
Fighting with myself
I am lost in my own head
I am the devourer
I am chaos
I am torment
Yet torment resides in me
I am the devourer
I am chaos
I am tormented
Copyright © Michellle Pawula | Year Posted 2020
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Details |
Michellle Pawula Poem
My mind is a maze
Constantly lost and in a daze
I had a realization one night
There is nothing after this life
This life is all we have
We need to hold onto those we love
Cause once we are gone
Consider this life done
I died once and there was nothing
Religion is a fraud
Beware of their call
Floating into the nothingness is peaceful
Because there is nothing
No one to tell you what you can and cant do
No one has the slightest clue
Wasting their lives miserable and angry
Just let it all go
The hatred, judgement, sorrow
Just let it all go
The pain in this life will pass if you let it
Don't resist
Just let it all go
Just let it all go
Just let it all go
Copyright © Michellle Pawula | Year Posted 2020
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Details |
Michellle Pawula Poem
Mother nature has nothing on me
I am the wind in a storm
The mist turned to hail
The spark that burns everything to ash
I will destroy anyone that harms those I love
Nothing can hide from my wrath
I am destruction
I am creation
I am love and hate combined into one
I am a mother
Dedicated to every mother You are beautiful and strong
Copyright © Michellle Pawula | Year Posted 2020
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